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January 27, 2021

Angry “Dear Daughter” comment from 13-year-old girl has me worried

I received a lot of comments on my  “Dear Daughter, Let Miley Cyrus be a Lesson to You  post, but none of them could have prepared me for what came through this evening.

A comment from an angry 13-year-old girl has me concerned.  Here are the actual words she posted on my comment board:

I just like to say, when kids grow up they are alowed to do what they want if they want to be like miley cryus YOU CANT CONTROL YOUR DAUGHTER FOREVER and i just like to say im the same age as your daughter and i think you could have told you daughter this personaly not go out and imberess your daughter and “u dont have anything thing against miley” you should shutup an mind your own bussiness. i think you just did this just to get attention. Let me guess you also have some things to say about her new music video wreaking ball, well thats nice ur an adult not a child you dont need to gossip about it over the internet. 

How do you respond to a child like this? My first instinct was to go with a “How dare you talk to an adult like that,” but I had to take a step back.  Her attitude and anger certainly got my attention, but for reasons the young writer probably didn’t anticipate. I’m actually worried about this child, and I sense that she needs attention and guidance.  After a few minutes of contemplation, I penned this response:

Dear Paige,

You unknowingly provided validation for why moms need to stop being friends and start being parents. I’m saddened that no loving adult ever taught you the appropriate way to disagree with others. You are entitled to your opinion, but you are not entitled to be disrespectful. That is not the mark of being “grown up,” that’s the mark of the immaturity that comes with being a 13-year-old child.

My daughter is not embarrassed; she is very proud her mom took a stand to protect her and girls like you. Yes Paige, you deserve to be loved enough to have someone teach you and protect you from the influences of Miley and other entertainers. Why? Because you’re too young to understand the consequences. Thanks to these stars, too many girls now think they have to show their bodies or act provocatively to get attention or they base their self worth on social media feedback. Too many adult women regret adopting Miley-style behavior in their youth because they hit some very real and painful consequences.

I sincerely hope there is a loving adult in your life who will take the time to love you and teach you to respect yourself and others. If no one in your life is willing or capable, please reach out to your school’s guidance counselor or a trusted teacher. My prayers are with you, kiddo.

Paige is probably going to hate me, but she needed to hear the truth and be reminded that she is valuable. I pray someone in her life reiterates this.

This is why I do what I do. This is why we need to be there for our daughters — and be there for the girls like Paige.


16 Comments on Angry “Dear Daughter” comment from 13-year-old girl has me worried

  1. I suspect a lot of kids are hurting and lost because they’ve not been taught properly where their true value comes from, and there are so many competing messages about that in the culture. They’re hurt and their lost, and that’s why they’re angry and confused. They need both firmness and love. You handled it the right way.

  2. I find many young girls have this same attitude, and many because a parent doesn’t want to receive child’s displeasure by saying “NO” to every wish and desire. I read about a parent in Bartlesville, OK, who let her 10 year old daughter get a memorial tattoo. Not only was the tattoo area infested with roaches and their droppings, but a memorial tattoo is made of human ashes mixed with ink, which was risky as well. What was most disturbing, however, were the comments from other mothers who thought the police and CPS were butting unnecessarily into a private decision that should be left up to the parents. I was disgusted and openly shared my disappointment at the lack of common sense of these parents who saw nothing wrong with a 10 year old receiving a tattoo, and a risky one in a non sterile environment from someone who was obviously not a professional. The youth of today need our loving common sense and direction now more than ever with examples such as these “friend” parents and attention-starved celebrities .

  3. Sadly, so many females don’t realize that the sexualization of women is why women for the most part are treated as second class citizens in much of our culture. Men don’t respect prostitutes.

  4. All too often I run across (observe mainly) teenagers without the respect towards others that I think they should — the respect I was taught to have. I’ll have to remember your answer for the future.

  5. I think you wrote Paige a beautiful letter in response.

    She sounds like a scared, angry, lost, frightened kid who has not had a healthily loving parent who was able to model self-respect and self-esteem to her.

    I hope she can hear the heartfelt clear boundaries, wisdom and kindness in your words, and will take them to heart.
    I hope also that she has a teacher she can reach out to as well who will be there for her. It could make an enormous difference.

    Miley is ANYTHING but a role model, and it doesn’t mean you are trying to control a child to know that Miley’s antics aren’t doing her any good. It may take an adult to see that, for teens and young adults often confuse publicity with being loved and wanted.

  6. Kim:
    It is so good to see that someone is finally saying the appropriate things to these girls. As you said,there are way too many parents worried about their “kid’s” friend and not the parent. We will all pay the consequences for this.

  7. Oh my…this makes me concerned for when my daughter hits the teenage years. I hope her mother and I will have raised her to think about such things a bit more critically, but mistakes will be made. When they are, I hope she learns from them.

    Hopefully Paige will get someone to help her or, if nothing else, listen.

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