May 26, 2016

Dear daughter, let Miley Cyrus be a lesson to you

Image: Instagram

 

Image: Instagram
Image: Instagram

Dear daughter, let Miley Cyrus be a lesson to you.

Yes, this is what happens when you constantly hear everything you do is awesome. This is what happens when people fawn over your every Tweet and Instagram photo. This is what happens when no responsible adult has ever said the word “no,” made you change your clothes before leaving the house, or never spanked your butt for deliberate defiance.

If you ever even consider doing something like that, I promise you that I will run up and twerk so you will see how ridiculous twerking looks. I will duct tape your mouth shut so your tongue doesn’t hang out like an overheated hound dog. I will smack any male whom you decide to smash against his pelvis – after I first knock you on your butt for forgetting how a lady acts in public.

Why would I do that? Because I love you and I want you to respect yourself. Miley Cyrus is not edgy or cool or sexy. She’s a desperate girl screaming for attention: Notice me. Tell me I’m pretty. See how hot I am. I know all the guys want me. All the girls want to be me.

You probably know girls who will emulate this behavior at the next school dance. Don’t do it with them. You are far too valuable to sell yourself so cheaply. Walk away. Let the boys gawk and know in your heart that they see only a body that can be used for their pleasure and then forgotten.

I’m sorry if you’ve ever felt sad because I haven’t gushed over everything you’ve done. My role is to praise when praise is due, but also to offer constructive criticism and correction when it is needed as well. I’m sorry if you’ve ever felt demoralized because your Instagram following isn’t in the thousands, and I’m sorry those “selfies” can never capture how amazingly beautiful you truly are. I’m sorry if you’ve ever wished you had a friend instead of a mom, and I promise you that I will probably get worse when you hit high school.

Dear daughter, I am going to fight or die trying to keep you from becoming like the Miley Cyruses of the world.

You can thank me later.

About Kim Keller 199 Articles
Kim Keller is a writer, speaker, college instructor and butt-kicking survivor. In addition to blogging, Kim is an award-winning public relations professional with more than 20 years of experience.

1,609 Comments on Dear daughter, let Miley Cyrus be a lesson to you

  1. Thank You, first for being a great Mom, second for saying so wonderfully what many moms were thinking. I always told my daughter to be a leader not a follower. The coolest kids in school were the ones that took their own path and not follow others. Thanks you.

  2. Love this! As a mother of sons I want them to respect women and treat them like ladies. Seeing this letter gives me hope that girls who will someday be ladies will exist!

  3. You are right on! I don’t get the following Miley has. I don’t get that people find it attractive to have their tongue hanging our of their mouth. And while I’m at it I don’t get “duck” lips. Wish girls could see how unattractive they look doing that. Parents aren’t supposed to be friends. It’s your job to raise a successful adult. It’s a tough job. Hopefully your daughter will thank you one day.

  4. Fabulous. Too many people forget a child requires parenting … not a best friend. The friendship comes later

  5. I think that Miley is free to do as she pleases. Although she might be an attention-seeker, she isn’t hurting anyone. I also respectfully disagree the implication that women have to dress or act a certain way in public.

  6. Dear mom,

    I am not an older mother and I feel the same way. I tell me daughter the truth and not want her to be a like miley. I find it sad that most 20 and teens now a days have way more experience than we do because of the atrocities they see on tv. KUDOS to you. I’m a military mom and I treat my daughter like she has to abide by rules and earn everything. Great article your daughter will def. Appreciate it!! Way to go hope miley read your blog.

  7. I totally agree with everything you said and anyone who has anything bad to say about what you’ve said can kick rocks!!! Go Mom!!!

    • Way to go Mom. Stick with your feelings. As hard as it gets hang in there. It is a hard world out there especially for teenage girls. Remind her often why you are feeling this way Tell her often that you love her. I raised a daughter. She used to get so angry with me telling me I was too strict. She since then has thanked me for keeping her safe and now understanding what I was talking about.

  8. god bless you for writing this letter to your daughter I hope she understands what you’re saying and where you come from. Miley Cyrus is not someone that should be showing young ladies how to act. Maybe if Miley Cyrus’s parents would have put there foot down once in awhile instead of being so lenient she might have grown up with a reputation other than the one that she has now. I blame her parents just as much as I blame anybody else around her and I blame Miley herself..

  9. I had 6 kids…………..and old fashion butt whipping never hurt anyone…gives children morals………..which none of them have any……..they are destroying our world……….and this is our future…I had spankings when i was young…..and i have morals………

  10. I agree with introducing your child to strong values at a young age. But by attacking another human I think you are teaching her that disrespecting others is acceptable. She will meet others who have different values and grew up in different environments and she doesn’t need to behave like them but she should be prepared to accept people for who they are.

    • No one is attacking Miley. The post merely uses her as a teachable example, which you have to admit is a cautionary tale. ANd it is absolutely true, I will fight or die trying to protect my daughter from becoming like Cyrus and other reckless young adults who are hellbent on destroying themselves.

      I fully agree we should accept people as as they are, but if we truly love them, we cannot sit idly by and let them do things that hurt themselves and others. It is extremely selfish and UNLOVING if we allow someone to destroy themselves in the name of “respect.” I LOVE my child, and that’s why I’m teaching her that she doesn’t have to behave like Cyrus to get attention.

  11. I applaud you for standing up for what is an increasing and difficult task. Being a parent us not about being a friend but an example. Children think behavior such as ms Cyrus is ok but in fact makes you look like a cheap, spoiled brat. My hat is off to you for speaking the truth, more parents need to grow balls and stand up to their children not give them everything thinking it will make them better people, it only causes them to believe they are entitled to more!

  12. Love it!!! They need to stop letting her be on any TV show ever. But then again, with the way she’s living her life, she’ll probably be dead from a drug overdose before she’s 30.

  13. No parent should ever strike/spank/hit their child. “Deliberate defiance?” You should never be a dictator in the lives of your children. If you are a good example, and not a tyrant, your kids will be fine. If your kids are defying you, you are a horrible heavy-handed overly strict parent that is not in touch with the reality your kids are living in.
    Chances are that you (or more likely your husband) are way more interested in Miley Cyrus than your kids will ever be.

    • Rebecca,
      You are so misguided. This author is not saying “beat” a child when she misbehaves. A spanking is not the same thing. I am a high school teacher and the “reality that (our) kids are living in” is that most of them don’t have parents that care enough for them to set boundaries and consequences. Be a parent first and a friend later.

    • Rebecca,
      Thank you for reaching out me.
      Based on the tone of your comment, you are obviously not a parent. If you were, you would understand that parenting must be a benevolent dictatorship because children simply do not have the cognitive nor psychological maturity to recognize the ramifications of their decisions and behaviors.

      I would never beat my child, nor would any other loving parent. However, she has been disciplined, which is also what any loving parent would do.

      I am her mother, not her friend. If setting limits and establishing consequences makes me a dictator in your eyes, I gladly accept that label. My daughter’s emotional, physical and spiritual well being are too valuable to risk.

      • Love your response. So true what you said. I have done what you have said in your post what you will do with your daughter if she ever will behave that way. Thank goodness it never got too far, but I get emails from teachers all the time on what a great, respectful student and young lady she is. I could never live with myself knowing I allowed such behavior to thrive in my house. I’m not her friend, I am more than that- I’m a parent.

      • As a parent, i agree with rebecca. I do believe that if my daughter does half the good miley has done in helping homeless people and people in general, it would speak of how she was raised.
        For those who are dissing her, think about other celebrity kids like the jonas brothers, for example its more acceptable to be arrested. … at least thats what this post leads me to believe.

    • How dare you call any parent a Tyrant because they set down rules for their children. Obviously you have no children or they are the future ones we see coming from parents who believe in giving their child free reign to be themselves etc etc etc,you know the ones,they are our future criminals because no-one said that really bad word to them “NO”!!!! This woman has my complete agreement on what she has said to her daughter.. As for her not being in touch with reality ,I think you (removed by admin. Play nice, please.)

    • I completely agree too. Very glad even my 13 year old SON thinks Miley is gross. At least I don’t have to worry about him bringing that home…

  14. This is absolutely amazing! I am not a mom or teenager, but an adult who is terrified of the day I may have my own daughter. I believe to each its own and expressing ones self should be encourage. However, glamourzing this type of behavior and saying its ok because it is a celebrity has to stop. I do not want a daughter that behaves the way Miley does, if you want to be taken seriously than act in a way that will demand that type of respect. I think this mom is brilliant and her daughter is lucky to have a mom like her.

  15. Only an pathetic excuse for a parents gets upset over how a celebrity acts. IF YOU DON’T LIKE THE WAY CERTAIN CELEBRITIES ACT, BE A POSITIVE ROLE MODEL FOR YOUR OWN DAMN KID! Celebrities didn’t become famous to babysit your kids. Be a parent and monitor what your own kid watches and quit putting that weight on famous people. That’s like blaming a pool for someone drowning. Miley isn’t begging for you and your brat to be her fan. Plus she’s done more good for people than most celebrities would ever do.

    • Miley has done a lot of good, unfortunately her behavior shadows all that positivity when she acts the way she did. But you are being a hypocrite by slamming this mom for expressing how she feels. If Miley can express her self in a way that may be offensive to others, than this mom has all right as well.

    • You missed the whole point of the article, didn’t you?

      Lighten up, Francis. By the way, thanks for calling my kid a brat. I reserve that term – and a few other choice words – for whiny adolescents who throw parents under the bus.

    • Oh my!!! You do have a chip on your shoulder. You’re out of line. Miley is a real brat! Do you even know this gal’s daughter, or do you just enjoy calling children you don’t even know brats?

  16. “This is what happens when no responsible adult has ever said the word “no,” made you change your clothes before leaving the house, or never spanked your butt for deliberate defiance.”

    Actually, this is what happens when all those things DO happen, it’s called rebellion, and kids who were brought up in an ultra strict environment often go down this road.

    Don’t forget, the whole reason Miley went down this path was because she was desperate to shed that Hanna Montana good girl image and be taken seriously as an artist.

    • I disagree. Parenting requires you to give your child love and limits, not Draconian limits, but clear boundaries of what is and is not acceptable. The trick is to gradually give them freedom over time so they learn how to deal with adult things little by little. You may recall Miley’s parents gave her way too much freedom way too soon; the child was living with and dating a 20-something model when she was just 16. Her parents were also not setting the best examples of mature, responsible adult behavior.

      • Many people aren’t privileged with good parents, and I don’t think we are in any place to judge another person. Miley may have been another child without proper guidance, and while I do agree somewhat with your methods of parenting, I do not agree with judging another person. More so if you do not know their situation.

        • Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Using examples of behavior as a cautionary tale is not judging. Unfortunately, entertainers provide too many examples of cautionary tales with tragic consequences.

          Would I be judging Glee’s late Corey Monteith’s if I told my children about his overdose and the dangers of addiction? Would it be judgmental to teach them about the emotional toll fame can have by pointing out Britney Spears’ and Amanda Bynes’ breakdowns? Not judgment, teachable moments.

      • Thank you for having the courage to write this article. People today do not understand what its like to have self worth any more simply because their so called role models dont either. I feel as if parents today have chosen to give up and give in to their kids every want without thinking of the consequences. Im glad to see their are a few of us parents who look to our kids future when making decisions for them today. However the problem is in todays society people start being hateful when others speak out against things that are wrong that they enjoy. Even though my son is only 9 ive always monitored what hes watched for that reason so that he doesnt have a foundation or morales thats based off a lack of respect for women due to lyrics and tv shows that play today. Anyways keep fighting the good fight and ignore those who are ignorant.

    • Kevin, please by all means do not lump all kids in that category of rebellion because that isnt always the case. Growing up, i was diciplined as a child including spankings and it has made my life better for it. U are mistaking discipline with abuse. There is nothing wrong with spankings. As a result of it, i am a hard working, tax paying citizen whom has never been arrested or rebelled against my parents. I have a husband that loves me and i am now pregnant with my first child. It’s not all about just spanking a child that is defiant. My mother sat me down before each spanking and not only explained to my why i was getting a spanking but also made sure i understood what i did wrong and why i was getting a spanking. I also didnt get a spanking for every small infraction either.

      As for what Miley is doing. Miley is lashing out at the world because everybody is expecting her to be Hannah Montana still. Hannah was a teenage girl, Miley Cyrus is a grown woman. Although she could have chosen a different way of displaying her “growness”, i dont knock her for it. She isnt hurting anyone and that includes herself. Yes, she wears clothing and stuff that some people may deem unfit sometimes, not all the time. But look at a lot of these see thru and provocative clothing some of these other so called “role model women” wear. I definitely dont want my child wearing that either. When my child gets here in April, i will make sure my child is taught from then on to be themselves no matter how other people will feel about it. But most importantly i will teach my child that there is a time and a place for everything. And yes, as was i, my child will be disciplined in a manner that fits his/her crime and that also includes spanking. Dont really care about how others feel about that because ur not the ones that has to raise my child. I rather spank my child now and save me a headache later when they get in trouble and the justice system has to discipline them.

  17. My daughter is in her late 20’s. We had this discussion when she was a teenager. But it was Britney that was in the news then. This is almost the same speech I gave her. I applaud any Mom who takes the time to tell her daughter or son the right way to behave. I hope Miley comes to her senses and grows up soon. She is a wonderful singer in my opinion and doesn’t need all the attention grabbing crap she is displaying. It’s a shame that so many of the young artist are taking the more destructive path these days. I don’t feel sorry for Miley, she probably has more money then I’ll ever see. But it is a hard road she’s travelling. A lot of the artist don’t make it too far down the path she has chosen. Good job Mom, in knowing the path to a better life is not following Miley down hers.

  18. That’s the truth daughter, I have a grandson and I tell him like it,really is in the real world. I aporeciate Mothers who will stand up and fight for their children to live enriched moral lives. Role models have the strongest hold on our children today, MONEY is the name of the game, does it ever end. My grandson watches and sings the songs in the 1942 movie: The Three Girls in Blue. So cute, since he’s only 7. Thanks Mom!

  19. I think you’re spot on, saying that this is about not being told “no.” It’s about being taught not to be able to accept constructive criticism. But what’s missed is, ultimately it is not your fight. The first part’s golden. The rest, micromanaging mom. But I am sure you know that it’s just a letter, not a lifetime.

  20. She’s got all the right as a mom to tell her daughter off. My mom was smart to let us know who is the boss when we were little. I love my mom to death, with all the spankings and slaps that I remembered I surely deserved. If it wasn’t for her I don’t know what would it happen to me.

  21. Women don’t have to act like porn stars to promote their talent. Look up Caitlyn Green on you tube and Facebook….now 17, writing songs, singing covers and dressing like a lady…..beautiful voice and talent. Let’s change the role models to whom we can give respect to and to whom our children can look up to!

  22. I wish I could change this around to write it to my two boys!! Oh wait I guess I could use Justin Beaver as a not to be role model!! Thank God my 16 yr old thinks Miley is disgusting.

  23. What a beautiful letter. The problem today is that our children have no respect for their elders. When you attempt to punish them they cry out they are calling HRS or the CFS. More of the parents need to use the swat on the backside and teach the brats we will not let you behave in that manner under my roof.
    I am very surprised at Billie Ray for letting her get away with this. I enjoyed her show on the Disney channel, now I will not watch any of her shows or buy any of her porno records or videos. When she is on a program that I like I watch something different.

  24. My mother became my best friend when I became an adult because she raised me that way too. She was strict and pushed me to be better. Now she’s the first person I go to for advice with my two daughters.

  25. I am a college student and this blog makes me realize there are still responsible parents in the world. I cannot stand the way Miley is making my generation look or the way the next generation seems to be following her. My parents told me everything that you just said, that they were my parent not my best friend. It really made a difference in how i was raised. Thank you for taking a stand.

  26. Loved it. Her parents shouldn’t let her run around like that. You are right. You need to show love but also make it known certain things aren’t right to do. And yes I have a daughter and if she ever acted like that she would be in big time trouble. You can have fun but not like that.

  27. Never apologize for doing your best to do what is right. I have to keep telling my own mother, “You DID do enough. You did more than a lot of mothers and that was to do what you thought was right. And you never have to apologize for that.”

    I tell my kids, “My job is to help you become responsible adults, not to be the cool dad. My job is to love you and protect you and show you I love you by being the best dad I can. If we end up friends in the process, that’s a bonus that I would love, but I dont hold out hope because part of growing up is breaking away to start your own life. You can do adult things when you have left to start your own liffe. Until then, I will continue to do my job abd censor whatever I feel I should.”

    God bless you.

  28. THANK YOU!!!! Finally someone who thinks like I do, I believe the same thing I feel very fortunate that my daughter wants nothing to do with Miley Cyrus and says herself that Miley Cyrus presents herself as a trashy tramp and refuses to watch any of her videos or listen to any of her music.

  29. If more parents thought and reacted to these so called stars the way this mother does we wouldn’t have so many children on the wrong path

  30. A great commentary on girls or boys for that matter depatate for attention . She has talent , too bad she wastes her time with all that other crap . She’s over 18 , and now her parents legally have no influence. Some kids have to find themselves the hard way . Let her just be the cautionary tale

  31. Terrible! Shouldn’t we teach our children not to judge others or put other people down???

    Lead by example, not lecture.

    • The letter does not address judgement. It is simply a letter from a mom to her daughter teaching respect for self, using a public example of cause and effect. Judgement is interpretation.

    • No, we should judge wrong behavior AS wrong and denounce it. You will be judged BY the judgement you make – do you really want to make the judgement that everything is ok? Don’t be a fool.

    • No, we need to teach our children that there are right ways to act and wrong ways to act. That people that act that way are experiencing issues in their lives. We need to let our children know that they are worth more than a flash in a pan. Miley Cyrus is a cautionary tale, along with many others. The people in this world that leave a good lasting impression are not people that will do anything for attention. And by the way judging is not always wrong. I think we are given a mind so we can judge what is good and what isn’t. I want my children to have good judgement about their choices and their friends. This mother has every right to write that letter. She just did lead by example: Her example was that she had the strength to stand up and give her opinion and to help guide her daughter. Maybe you are the one that is judging?!

    • Thats not lecture that is truth and the truth hurts sometimes. They need to hear truth and then and only then can they make an educated decision as to what is right and wrong!!!!!

  32. I think that Miley’s antics are beginning to get old and aren’t drawing the attention that they used to. Now she has to actually make meaningful music in order to remain relevant. I don’t know for sure if she will be able to, but the cover she did of the Arctic Monkey’s song on MTV Unplugged might suggest she is going in the right direction.

      • I believe it is the permissible application of drugs, and sex in her life. The USA allows at 18 the decision making to be done by a not too long ago child. Yes they are not suppose to drink but the influence of all of this radical behavior brings them closer to a life of immoral and health risking activity.

  33. That is a great post, if I had a daughter I would say the exact say thing. I do the same thing with my sons, we have conversations about stuff like Miley Cyrus because they need to know that fame and fortune does not buy love. Love is not just about what you give your children to make them smile, love is also about instilling in them self respect and confidence. Thanks for such a great post.

  34. When I was 14, my father gave a question “why start with kissing it might make you pregnant?” The question made me confused, I could not answer at my age. In Indonesia a lesson about sex and behavior with the guy is a rare things to be discussed between the parents and the child. But began with that question, my father also gave more extensive explanation about men and teach me how I have to act in school. When I went to high school, my father told he prohibit me to have a relationship with any boyfriend, I can have friends doesn’t matter girls or boys, but don’t have serious relationship with boys. My girlfriends said is stupid rule, because I do not have a relationship with any boyfriend. But after graduated, I knew that my father made a rule like that because he knew for sure that a woman has the age of maturity to know how to start a relationship with a man. My father died when I was 20 years old, but so far I am very grateful, because he gave a clear insight knowledge about teenager characters and how to provide an understanding of how a man should treat a woman. Because of his lessons and rules, now I’m married with a man who really respect me and adore me, he also accept me as I’m.

  35. I live this post! You rick!! 🙂 Girls today don’t know their own value/worth. They are living in the now, they want what they want right this second. They want all the attention and it’s getting much more worse than how it was when I was growing up. 3 of my sisters are in high school right now and 2 of them I worry about them so much. I asked God to watch over them and hold them tightly in his grasp. I just don’t want them to follow in my footsteps because like I said, they live in the now and almost everything that I did was after I was 18 and out the house and they want to do it now. My 15 year old sister got a tattoo when she was 13 and one just last year! Their mother has custody of them so there’s nothing I can really do (please correct me if I’m wrong). Just please keep them in your prayers as I will do so myself and for you and your family. Thank you. 🙂

  36. As a granny and also as a college professor, I have seen my granddaughters and my students just adore Hannah Montana and all things Miley Cyrus. It is a bitter thing to see her outrageous behavior at the awards and on her videos when previously, her fans have loved her for the funny, country loving, big voiced personality that she used to be and that they could identify with. My granddaughter, who grew up watching Hannah Montana and knows every word to every song she ever sang, is now sixteen and shocked by such a radical change from the country girl she played in her Hannah Montana movie to the sexy porn star of her latest video. Miley’s fans are still young and barely dating, never mind into actual sexual activity, so she has probably strongly hurt her fan base, but she has said she doesn’t care what people think.
    Does she care what her fans think? I don’t care what her private life is like. It is still wrong to cultivate fans, take the billions of dollars they have spent that support her career and then not feel any kind of remorse about insulting them with her embarrassing behavior.

    No, we don’t know her personally, but the way she wanted to be perceived at one time is what attracted a certain type of fan base and surely she knows that she either duped her fans or decided to ignore the values of her fans. Either way, her fans feel betrayed and while they may still buy her CDs, they may never really admire her or trust her as an artist again.

  37. I just like to say, when kids grow up they are alowed to do what they want if they want to be like miley cryus YOU CANT CONTROL YOUR DAUGHTER FOREVER and i just like to say im the same age as your daughter and i think you could have told you daughter this personaly not go out and imberess your daughter and “u dont have anything thing against miley” you should shutup an mind your own bussiness. i think you just did this just to get attention. Let me guess you also have some things to say about her new music video wreaking ball, well thats nice ur an adult not a child you dont need to gossip about it over the internet.

    • Dear Paige,

      You unknowingly provided validation for why moms need to stop being friends and start being parents. I’m saddened that no loving adult ever taught you the appropriate way to disagree with others. You are entitled to your opinion, but you are not entitled to be disrespectful. That is not the mark of being “grown up,” that’s the mark of the immaturity that comes with being a 13-year-old child.

      My daughter is not embarrassed; she is very proud her mom took a stand to protect her and girls like you. Yes, Paige, you deserve to be loved enough to have someone teach you and protect you from the influences of Miley and other entertainers. Why? Because you’re too young to understand the consequences. Thanks to these stars, too many girls now think they have to show their bodies or act provocatively to get attention or they base their self worth on social media feedback. Too many adult women regret adopting Miley-style behavior in their youth because they hit some very real and painful consequences.

      I sincerely hope there is a loving adult in your life who will take the time to love you and teach you to respect yourself and others. If no one in your life is willing or capable, please reach out to your school’s guidance counselor or a trusted teacher. My prayers are with you, kiddo.

    • Paige – when you grow up and have children you will understand! This Mother is merely sharing to other mothers that they are not bad people (in fact, are the opposite) for wishing to protect their children from behaving in a manner that attracts the wrong kind of attention.
      I teach my daughter to behave in a manner that allows others to praise her for her personality (her kindness, her thoughtfulness) and her many talents (intellect, swimming, dancing) and not for how great her bum looks in a tiny skirt. And whilst I cannot control her, I can instill in her the proper way for her to behave. I will do my job as a mother to the best of my ability not think, ah well, it doesn’t matter, I can’t control her forever, let her do what she wants! You clearly have a knowledge of the music video ‘wrecking ball,’ Miley wrote that because she was dumped by a guy who wanted more. He fell in love with a well presented, well mannered Disney star and ended it when she turned wild. Please let this be a lesson – real men desire ladies not girls selling themselves short of what they deserve. Having taken on many men during my career and in order to achieve my Masters degree, I beg you, don’t make it harder for the next generation of female University students to be taken seriously by giving the impression that we are just here for man’s entertainment or to look good – we are so much more! Don’t sell yourself short Paige. Women have died to get us to have the equality that we have today, don’t take us back centuries by acting like a man’s toy to be ogled at and fondled.

    • Dear, mothers, by their very nature (maybe I should say “good mothers”) don’t have to “shutup an mind your own bussiness [sic]”. Good parents (and I had them) know the minefields of adolescence and do their best to make sure they steer you around as many of the hazards.

      I hope you stop and think about what you said. I also hope you print out the original letter and see how you feel if the day comes when you’ve matured (I hope) and are a parent yourself.

    • (Comment removed by administrator for violating the Play Nice Policy.)

      This commenter attacked and insulted a child commenter, and that is absolutely unacceptable. She is welcome to keep sending me nasty notes because they’re going straight to trash.

      NO ONE, and I do mean NO ONE, slams innocent children on my site, even if those children are a bit misguided.

  38. It should be obvious that every single human being alive regardless of their mental and physical abilities is sexual in some way and has a sexuality. Scholars say that sexual development actually begins in infancy and probably in the womb too I would say. That said, our sexuality exists on a continuum with us throughout our lives. We become ready to engage in sexual activity at a certain point in our development that varies depending on who we are. There is no set date that a person becomes ready to engage in sexual behavior and to what extent. The hope is that when it does occur that the acts are consensual, non damaging, and positive. It should be made clear that our sexuality is not defined by sexual activity. Sexual activity is a result of our sexuality.

    I personally interpret Ms. Cyrus’s actions as a symbolic way of telling us all (anyone who happened to to be paying attention to the media I suppose) that she is sexually active and of age so please let’s all buy her now, though I completely disagree that having sex makes someone an adult or even being the age 18. In American culture where people seem to glorify the consumption of young women’s bodies (though I really have a hard time using the word woman to describe Cyrus) many aspiring entertainers go this route because people pay for it. Personally, I’m going to put the Cyrus circus to rest and just completely ignore it after I express the rest of my thoughts on the matter.

    For me, her antics just describe the general cultural confusion surrounding sexuality, especially women’s sexuality, and sexual behaviors in contemporary American culture. I went though it all as a young woman and I know that many of us regardless if we even view popular entertainers as role models are affected by the standards that are set in the media. I find it deeply unfortunate that our culture does not have a clearer understanding about sexuality and sexual behavior, and in the media we find sexuality being expressed in the most infantile stages of spiritual, psychological and emotional development. Ms. Cyrus and her production team certainly fall into that category. People pay for infantile expressions of sexuality and sexual behaviors. That is we purchase it. Why is that? Personally I suspect that most people are still curious themselves about sex, sexuality, pleasure, intimacy, connection, and physicality. We don’t learn much about it in school, at church, or at home so we get hooked into anything that we think could give us answers to our own questions. People even watch pornography to “learn about sex.”

    I think that this blog post is on the right track when it comes to taking the power we give to the media back into our own hands. To watch Cyrus and her behavior are choices not requirements and many people who have read this post might agree with me in that I wish that she was not even an option for people to consume. Reclaiming clarity when it comes to sexuality and sexual choices is empowering. Cyrus is unclear in her present state and should not be given the platform in her life right now to speak about and act out things that her actions show that she knows very little about in a sanctioned public institution. I agree with Sinead O’Connor that currently “she is a danger to women.” I hope that more people continue to have conversations with their friends and family members about instances in the media that raise issues and concerns. It is up to us, especially us adults, to seek clarity, truth and wisdom within our own lives and earn the power to protect ourselves and others from harmful influences that can lead us astray. Lastly, I think that if Cyrus’s behavior brings up any confusion or insecurities within us regarding our own sexuality or sexual behavior that now is a good time to address those underlying issues and become more clear as to what are morals, boundaries, and concepts are surrounding sex and sexuality, so that we can an honest life from where we are at. Hopefully we can arrive at better solutions for human question “how do we manage our sexuality and sexual behavior,” than Cyrus and her production team show us.

  39. I’m glad to hear another mother feels the way I do. It’s about time Miley discovers that she is not the only person with a female body. She acts like she is the only one and wants to show it to the world. I hope she learns sooner than later it is better to act like a lady instead a lady of the night. She has lost any respect I would ever have for her.

  40. Best summed up with this parody snippet I wrote based on the chorus from “The Climb”:

    I know I’ve been looked up by lots of children
    And when I sing and dance they are amused
    Led a double life, an alter-ego
    They marketed my likeness too
    But I grew too fast and messed there
    I end up discarding what’s my wholesome side
    I declined

    • I have a comment, but not necessarily on the perspective of this writer.
      We really don’t know how Miley was raised.
      I believe that children learn/do what they see………
      They react to life, in general, according to what they observe around them.
      When they are talked to with respect they respond in kind. When they experience demands/commands, they will likely do the same.
      I once found that I was sometimes talking to my 3 sons in a different tone than I would to adults in the room.
      It took prayer and asking my sons to forgive me when I used that disrespectful tone of voice. I wanted them to know that they were precious and their thoughts were important.

      I demanded less and found that they were going out of their way to be part of what was going on. I now understand when Jesus taught that He didn’t want people to just follow rules; but to connect with Him, from the heart.
      I found that love and respect are the way to set standards….
      It was teaching wisdom and understanding instead of all rules to accomplish the goal. It is an attitude. Thanks/Blessings

  41. I agree with this in its entirety. I am single mother and I think that this is a great lesson to my daughters. I don’t encourage my children to watch this kind of thing, but when they do, I hope my guidance and words will be enough to remind them that this is not ‘okay’. I have one disagreement, and I don’t even know if we could call it that. Why don’t we teach our daughters to idolize real people, and provide them with real role models by being those ourselves?

    I was raise by a single mother who has always been my role model. She taught me right from wrong and provided me with a moral compass. She provided me with a vision of what a woman is capable of, and what I could accomplish by focusing on my future and constantly learning and pushing myself. She taught me that no matter who I was, no matter what fashion craze I fell victim to, that I was beautiful. I was beautiful regardless of mt too small those and braces, my physical appearance played no part in my beauty.

    I was also fortunate enough to have a grandmother in my life who was for most of her life, a single mother to four children, one of whom has Autism. She never gave up, and to this day is one of the strongest people I have ever known. She raised four children, and was head cook in MANY kitchens regardless of cooking being an almost entirely male dominated industry at the time. She is now in her 70’s and is still dedicating herself to caring for her Autistic daughter and helping to raise her great-grandchildren (and sometimes her grown up grandchildren, too).

    These two women are survivors. They are my Heroes. They taught me integrity, morality, and love. They taught me independence is more than ‘I can do what I want’. They taught me that who I am is amazing and beautiful and I can only hope that one day I can grow up to be as strong as these two women, and that I can be a role model to my daughters the way these women are to me.

    I’m not saying let your daughters fall victim to celebrity idolization, or that we shouldn’t steer them away from it. I’m saying if we want our daughters to have morally integral, independent and down-right amazing role models, we need to be those ourselves and we need to introduce them to the other amazing role models as well. Then hopefully our daughters will grow up to know that these celebrities are not role models, they are ‘entertainers’ (yes I use this term incredibly loosely.), and should not be seen as anything more. That the women worth looking up to are the ones around them.

  42. Great post. And as Coach John Wooden said, “If you must disagree, disagree without becoming disagreeable.”

    Too much influence from people who don’t set good examples these days. Where are the ladies? Where are the gentlemen?

  43. This is Great. The amount of likes on any social media does not determine your beauty, And I appreciate you making that clear to your daughter, as I always try to make that clear to my younger sister (of 13 years, who is like my daughter).

  44. Awesome post! So totally & completely agree! Thank you for writing it so beautifully! I posted about ‘twerking’ on my blog – Blogitudes.com – in August also. I just discovered Roadkillgoldfish.com today (thanks to a friend on Facebook who liked this post on their wall) and love your blog! Had I known about this post in August when I wrote my post, I would have for sure mentioned & referenced it! It so perfectly reflects my feelings on this issue! Thanks for sharing. You now have a new happy fan!

  45. Love your blog, loved the letter to your daughter. I raised three girls and despite all my efforts, it was impossible to keep them totally without stain from this over-sexed undignified world we live in. They have grown up and are trying to raise their own boys now but they went through some serious heartache as teens and young adults because of succumbing to the pressures of this world. I would like to think that the reason they finally straightened out was because we had given them the right tools and a good compass to find their way home. Thank you for being a great mom!

  46. I love it..and once again this is a situation where the parents have dropped the ball and allowed so much of this behavior when they could have done something about it ..now unfortunately it is too late ..But Gods soft voice will maybe be heard by her again ..Parents we must quit waiting for the school the church to do our job..it begins at home first…

  47. I just cannot understand how a Christian girl when she first started out, one who put God first in her life, went from that, to this. Not just the way Miley “performed” (if that’s what you want to call it) at the VMA’s, but also her new song lyrics “It’s my party I can do what I want” – “It’s my body I can do what I want” she has clearly went over to the other side. So selfishly, disrespectfully, uncaring, unloving, of God and her family. I feel so sad for her family. I know that they love her unconditionally as all parents should, and they might even be applauding her performances, but I am sure if they are still the God loving and fearing Christians that they have been for so long, that they are crushed by Mileys lifestyle and actions. God gives us free will and she ran with it and made her choice, totally forgetting and disregarding where the blessing of her “stardom” came from.

    • Hey Kim… great article thanks for posting. I have three daughters ranging from 13-20 who have all seen Hannah Montana…err Miley Cyrus grow up over the past decade. Once the VMA performance concluded we looked at each other and had various comments like “how weird?”, “pathetic”, “desperate”, “she’s obviously on something”, “sad”, “not listening to her anymore” to “she can’t sing or dance” were mentioned. Nothing about how much they admired her or wanted to be like her. I think we as parents tend to underestimate the influence the internet (and everything that is easily accessible at the touch of a button) has on this generation. By 13, kids have been exposed to more “adult stuff” than someone over the age 30 EVER was as a kid they know what a good decision is vs. a bad decision. I applaud your decision to state the obvious regarding your disdain for MC’s actions. I also think your daughter is more than likely smart enough to see through MC’s antics and to know she doesn’t want to be like that. On the flip side all of the scripture quotes provided by your readers condemning MC’s actions are a little pios (sp?) and annoying…

      • Thanks for the feedback. I’m glad you like the article.

        I’m sorry some of the comments rub you the wrong way. It’s amazing that the Bible’s writers were addressing the same kind of behavior more than 2,000 years ago. I wish I could say “Look how far we’ve come” in a positive sense, but I can’t. Grrrr.

        • David,

          I am so sorry you hate the fact that I got an international platform to promote involved parenting and reassuring our girls that they are valuable and beautiful.

          Did you read the entire post? It’s about being a parent, not a friend. It’s about telling girls they don’t have act like a pop princess to be worthy of attention or love. It ain’t about Miley; her behavior prompted a “teachable moment” for young girls.

          Miley may have more financial success and notoriety than I will ever receive, but that does not make her more important. Money and fame are not measures of success; character is. Someday you will recognize that. If you are ever blessed enough to hold a wonderful baby girl, you will do the same.

          Let go of the bitterness; it’ll consume you.

        • Keri Russell seems to have played by Disney rules as an adult – her crazy antics were basically played out by a character she played called ‘Felicity’ Come to think of it, Jodie Foster was a Disney girl – remember ‘Freaky Friday’ and ‘Candleshoe’ or any of her other Disney films? She kept her private life private, but most of her fans probably suspected that she was in the closet. Miley doesn’t bother me all that much. I think she’s trying to figure out who she is and trying to have a good time. The difference is that most kids do this stuff while away at college, not in front of everyone on national television.

        • And someday, David, you will grow up and maybe even have daughters of your own. That will be the game changer for you. If not, then my sympathy will be with your daughters.

  48. I like your post! I have a daughter myself and I can understand how much a mother wants her girl to grow up happy and be respected. To groom a positive self identity, personality starts at home! I believe in good discipline, guidance and love! How lucky our children are to have a mom who care enough to worry about them all the time!

  49. 2 Timothy 3:1–5

    Godlessness in the Last Days

    But understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty. For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. Avoid such people.

  50. Really just been consistent and be a role model to them goes a long way. Children will do what they see their parents do, and that is why the day my daughter (now 20) was born I quit drinking and smoking. We only spank her once or twice, however she lower her grades once and for the next semester there was no TV nor playing with friends during week days….honor student the rest of the way….call it harsh punishment but today she is in college…..thanks

    • If making millions require a lady to do the stuff that Miley Cyrus does I rather be dirt poor! And know that my Heavenly Father (Yahuah is His Hebrew name) is please that I did not FOLLOW the crowd and did not sell myself for the attention of the world…He is the ONLY one that matters.

    • Hasan – I apologize for your obvious lack of ability in reading the English Language. How in the world did you get your comment out of what this mother says in this letter? Obviously you do not have a daughter either! Did you know that there are actually MORE opportunities for women who respect themselves and conduct themselves as ladies? Slutty, trashy behavior simply ruins your reputation and closes doors. Let’s face it, no matter how risque a young girl or a lady chooses to act, the chances of them becoming a “Miley Cyrus” are one in millions anyway. So for the vast majority of young ladies, this type of behavior will only lead to trouble, heartache, and opportunities lost because of it. Go drool over some trashy porn site, and please don’t reproduce.

    • Her performance was vulgar and classless to say the least. I felt really sorry for the foam finger, and even the creator of the foam finger was disappointed about the usage of his creation.

    • Uh, no Hasan. As if the only way to make millions of dollars is to sell yourself cheap, and lose your identity and moral bearings. Work is life to Miley Cyrus and the only way she is going to make more $ and gain more influence is to continue to do this kind of stuff. I would call that slavery.

    • 1 Timothy Chapter 6 …..

      9 But they that will be rich fall into temptation and a snare, and into many foolish and hurtful lusts, which drown men in destruction and perdition.

      10 For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows.

      11 But thou, O man of God, flee these things; and follow after righteousness, godliness, faith, love, patience, meekness.

      12 Fight the good fight of faith, lay hold on eternal life, whereunto thou art also called, and hast professed a good profession before many witnesses.

      13 I give thee charge in the sight of God, who quickeneth all things, and before Christ Jesus, who before Pontius Pilate witnessed a good confession;

      14 That thou keep this commandment without spot, unrebukable, until the appearing of our Lord Jesus Christ:

    • I’ld definitely not want to see my daughter sell her body/display it/degrade it for the pleasure of others just for the sake of millions nor gazillions. It’s a matter of principle and etiquette and decency. How can you compromise on this? i’ld say the 9-5 job is a much smarter, respectable & honorable decision!

    • Hassan – some 9-5ers make a lot of money – you don’t have to sell yourself/your dignity, your self worth to make money. Using your brain/intelligence is the way to be successful – Maissa Mayer – CEO of Yahoo. She makes money – and doesn’t have to Twerk to make it. Let’s she how you will feel when you have girls and they act like that.
      And lets just say – Miley – will not be making millions anymore. Parents won’t buy her stuff for their kids and the people in there 20’s and UP are not her fan base – so she is done, over, finished.

      • I disagree that she is done, over, finished. Parents of tweens may not buy her “stuff” anymore but she isn’t going for that market any longer, she is reaching out to an older audience and they will buy her music if it’s good regardless of whether she “twerks” or not. And, the tweens will find a way to download it on their own too, trust me – I have a 15 yr. old niece and they can get hold of any music they want – regardless of what the parents “ok”.
        I’m a 40 yr. old professional female who never would have heard her new song if not for all of the media hype over her behavior, but I heard it last night and really liked it, enough to download it because it’s a good song, so did my husband. I can understand people with young children not wanting their kids to watch her perform, but I think it’s naive to think that she is finished, all this media hype is doing is creating awareness of her music which is exactly what it’s intended to do. She’ll continue to make a fortune, just from a different market than she used to.

  51. As a young gentleman, I would like to mention a couple of things. Firstly, corporal punishment is harmful to kids, so please take a look at some of the statistics regarding countries that have banned it, and the serious drop in levels of juvenile delinquency and corresponding rise in measures of juvenile and societal health since the ban was enacted. M’kay.
    Secondly, I honestly love when women will fully claim their sexuality. If you listen to the song by Robin Thicke, it speaks of the “good girl”, but one that is not only to be desired, passively, but who desires. It’s human, natural, and common to us all. Within American culture we often demonize sexual activity, and in particular the women who engage in it and enjoy it.
    With that being said, Miley’s show lacked artistic merit, respect for her fellow artist Mr. Thicke, and respect for the global audience. Her performance was without either class or tact. Her position as a role model is not something that was forced upon her; she accepted the role when she accepted her contract with Disney, so many years ago, and has seemed to rather enjoy her level of influence. A young woman of such influence, who has gained so much personal wealth and fame from that influence, should use it more wisely by teaching young girls how to have a positive and healthy relationship with yourself, your body, your sexuality, and the men of the world. She does not use her influence to show young girls what it means to be a full woman, and that is where I believe her largest failing lies.
    I will say that the open letter is both sweet and inspiring; obviously, you love your daughter very much; it has created another arena for this dialogue, and I thank you for that.

  52. You’re post is right on Kim, but Miley has received, somewhat, of a bum rap here. There are certain people in the public eye that take on the persona of a “role model” whether they want that tag or not. If someone like Lady Gaga, or Nicki Minaj were doing something like this, not near as many people would have a problem. Miley didn’t ask for the ‘role model’ label, and much like Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera, she’s trying as hard as she can to distance herself from it.

    The problem, as you’ve pointed out in your blog, is with the parents and the values they’ve instilled. If they have never insisted that Miley act in a respectable fashion when in the public eye, than who can blame her for the behavior? How are we to say to Miley, “that’s wrong” if she has no ambition to be “right”? If that’s who she wants to be, we can’t judge. But we can lay blame in society for creating an environment in which this type of behavior is tolerated. We are the Nation of Toleration after all. We draw no lines in this country and without lines or boundaries, social decay is inevitable. Sure, shame on Miley and her family, but mostly, shame on us.

    • Well said Phillip Broz. We are a criticizing nation the ones we should criticize are ourselves. Everyone makes mistakes that is a given but how we handle those mistakes is what matters. We can learn from them and never repeat them or to continue to ignore them and make things worse. Yes Miley messed up so what, if she doesn’t repeat it again and has learned from it then bravo. If she continues to do that sort of thing , all we can do is ignore it and make sure our children are not going to do that very same thing. Use it as a learning tool not as a negative slander thing. You don’t know what Miley is going through…this can be a reaction to some pain she is trying to escape from. I don’t walk in her shoes. So I’m not going to judge her one way or another. As you said Phillip, look at other actors, singers, stars and you see things just like Miley’s performance. Don’t judge till you live their life.

      • I cannot judge her soul, but I can judge her actions, its the same thing when we put someone in jail for theft or give them a ticket for speeding, I will never know what was going through her mind, but the action itself was still a lack of respect for herself and her dignity, by acting as though her talent and ability was merely to sexually please the man she was performing with. She made herself less of a woman and more of a thing for pleasure. you may say to yourself that women are only meant for pleasuring men, but I hope you can think of at least one woman who took her job of acting lady like and motherly seriously and helped raise you or took care of you out of responsibility and love not as a by product of the sex she was good for. I am not trying to over state this argument, but rather state it exactly how it is. A well formed conscience is exactly what we need to judge the actions of others in order to protect ourselves, and our families, as well as to act in a way that is in accordance with the judgements between good and bad revealed to us by our conscience.

    • I don’t even think it is a matter of being a role model as much as it is to know that you have kids who look up to you and want to be like you and to still act they way she did. Maybe if it was someone else they wouldn’t have given them so much trouble, but the point is it was her choice to act as she did, knowing how raunchy it was and how many people watch that show. That is the problem with society today. If you listen to the radio three quarters of the songs have to do with sex, one night stands, cheating, etc. The blame should not be put on Miley alone because it is what society is telling us is acceptable, but I do think we should hold her responsible for her actions and her choices. She could choose to go against what society tells us is acceptable and do what is right. Hopefully she will snap out of whatever it is she is going through and just be more modest and respect herself more.

    • Each one of us is responsible for our own actions. Not my mother, not my father, brother, aunt or uncle etc. You think Miley doesn’t know right from wrong? Not hardly! Plus there is a image each of us want to project. That we are intelligent, or comical, talented, a bookworm, sexy, promiscuous, flirty, and the list goes on! But we chose on our own who we want to be. When you give people an excuse for how they act then there is no accountability!

  53. One day, she will be so thankful to have a mom like you. My sister and I are both in our 30s now and we regularly thank our mother for never letting us be “those girls”- the ones with no class, no self-respect and no clue how to be a young lady. For never letting us dress like trolyps or act like boy-crazy twits and for always, always reminding us that (1) any girl can have a boyfriend, the trick is finding one worth having and (2) no real man wants than kind of girl for more than quick fling.

  54. Amen! I do not let my children watch Hannah Montana. I do not like that girl. I am trying to teach my children to respect themselves and their bodies. I love to tell them: ” I am your mother not your friend. You do not have to like me. I am here to teach you right from wrong. And I do not care if you are the last children not participating in a fad. If I do not like it you are not doing it.” Anyway where is her father stopping her or helping her. He only defends her. This is shameful. Be a father. Step up and do what is right!

  55. The Letter is great but I have to wonder is this what being a Disney star turns you into? The new Lindsay Lohan. It saddens me to see this. My 13 year old lived and breathed Hannah Montana. Now Look at her…SMH

  56. Starting in Kindergarten my daughter saw Hannah Montana on all of her friend’s backpacks and heard them talk about it on the playground after they watched the latest episode. She had not seen it, I would not let her. She was in Kindergarten and I did not find it appropriate for her to watch at the time. When she hit first grade she got to watch it, finally and she was so excited. There were rules, of course. She was only allowed to watch it while I was there, so I got to see every episode. I did not think Hannah/Miley was a good role model for my daughter and was pleasantly surprised that she liked Lily so much better. As sad as this is, I knew it was inevitable. It is heartbreaking to me. I have tried from day one to teach my daughter to be and respect herself. While I do compliment here on her looks because I do not want her to feel like she isn’t beautiful, I make an effort to compliment her more on her talents and personality because those are compliments that she will only recieve from those who truly know her and they are more important than all the “Your so gorgeous” compliments she hears from everyone she comes into contact with. My daughter saw one of the pictures of Miley dressed liked this and acting like a fool on my Yahoo homepage and was so confused. We do not have cable, so I completely control the things my children watch on television so things like this are never watched by my children. She did not understand why Miley was behaving in such a manner and it was so difficult for me to try to explain. I really think that these young actresses/singers who take these jobs that will ultimately turn them into role models would think about how they plan on acting after they are done with them. I understand that it is my job to help my daughter grow up into a woman who is confident and respects herself but it gets more and more difficult when people she has looked up to in the past start to act like this in public for everyone to see. She is still young, she emulates behavior and if Miley would stop for one second and think about her actions and the repurcusions for them she might realize that she is not only hurting herself.

    • You’re probably going to take my comment very offensively, so just keep in mind this is not meant as an attack but I really am curious about a few things you mentioned. First of all I don’t see why you were so adamant about her not watching Hannah Montana. It’s obviously not an education based show, nor is it supposed to be. Perhaps you’re just overanalyzing the show. You see a girl who’s living a double life, and as a parent say “jee, I hope my kid doesn’t think it’s okay to lie continually to her friends and family while living a double life.”

      But again, isn’t that your responsibility to say that? To teach her that lying to those you love is wrong? All throughout her life, especially as she gets older she’s going to see things that you won’t be able to censor. Imagine the shock as well when she has grown up in a world that has been manufactured to look essentially perfect.

      I don’t even like Miley Cyrus, nor do I think her performance was anything less than a train wreck. But I think how you explain to your daughter is that, she’s a young woman, going through a change, trying to figure out who she is, and sometimes that transition isn’t smooth. Your daughter should form her own opinions, and be allowed to explore the outside world that isn’t always rainbows and butterflies. No, I’m not saying let the kid watch Django Unchained, but can you imagine by the time she gets to High School, surrounded by all these teenagers. Seeing drugs and alcohol for the first time, seeing sex, etc. And believe me, it’s going to be a lot worse and more invasive than somebody gyrating on stage.

  57. I so agree with you and respect you kept it so clean i was horrified to see this young act in such a manner that people thought not so nice things about her and agree her parents didn’t do a good job of raising her and maybe they didn’t raise her at all the mainstream media raised her and the values her parents was supposed to teach her was just not there so sorry for her, when you have 2 parents fighting all the time going to divorce every other year stepping out on each other you can see a lack of self respect right there it’s all about me, me, me and not the children and yes she was spoiled growing up and probably didn’t have any boundaries, so as a young adult she still dont know where they are and i do have to admit as horrified as i was to watch such an other wise beautiful young lady act like a whochie mama and demean herself in public the way she did and being of age i still blame the parents for not giving and teaching her respect and morals that most of us demand out of our children..God Bless our children!!!!!

  58. Reblogged this on aquavintage and commented:
    It is rather shameful and saddening to realize that some girls feels the need to objectifying their own body to garner such attention.
    But it’s another thing entirely to do it consciously in an INTERNATIONAL broadcast. Let this be a study to enhanced our self awareness towards our self and others…
    The following letters which ends this post is something i would like to read after watching/reading/laying my eyes after events which modified girls and women’s body as a temple of sexual desire. It’s something that motivates me, as a (maybe) feminist to think and ponder and feels the need to do something..

  59. As a woman I was disgusted, embarrassed for her and her parents. As the mother of an 8yr old Hannah Montana fanatic, I was crushed. You wonder what is or isnt going on in her world to take the route she has chosen. I converse with my daughter everyday about everything. I know she listens. She isnt allowed to watch certain channels mtv and vh1 among them. I will not allow the media in any form to raise my child. Miley’s parents shouldnt have either. Face palm.

  60. I wish I would have thought of something like this when my daughter was growing up… I basically treated her the same as the letter, but 21 years later, she still feels I favor her younger brother over her. Well, my daughter was independant from day one! She was very calm, loving, and pretty much took care of herself from an early age. She was never the type to fall in line with the “in-crowd” which I was grateful for. With her being 5’10 and 120 lbs, she never had the ‘style’ of the other girls because they never made clothes skinny enough for her!!!! She’s a good girl, works hard, pays for her own car, own phone, and is on the verge of buying a ‘newer’ car before winter hits, so I cannot complain too much. I just wish she would understand that I didn’t fear for her growing up, the troubles I had throughout my life made her a better person.

  61. Well done momma! I am a new mother of a daughter. She is only 8 months old, but seeing how things are now scares me to death. I cannot imagine things being any worse when she becomes a teen. I think that you are a great mother to teach your daughter that she is valuable. It is true and there is nothing more precious that your own child. All you can do is love and teach them. Pray that they listen to what you have said and continue to do so throughout their life. I commend you for this letter! And for being the rocking mom you are!

    • Way to go Mom. You know what else bothers me, the fact that they showed so many people that looked shocked and dusgusted, but not one of them got up and walked out and took their children away from this disgusting mess until she was finished. Until we show that we do not approve of this kind of this, it will never stop.

  62. I can’t believe that her father approves of such action but it’s not only a parents fault it’s miley’s and its the T.V who allows this kind of smutt on the air to begin with it’s talk shows it’s everything to do with tv media radio books magazines etc they are the ones who are allowing this crap there to our children and grandchildren . Miley should be a shamed of herself and the parents they can’t be total blame and yes she should have been spanked a long time ago has anyone seen the commmercial for AT&T with the turtles with the word fasting gee whats that telling our children today this is all wrong on so many levels stop a moment and take a look and listen to our media crap and the inernet it is not just Miley that does this go through your chANNELS AND LOOK AND LISTEN miley ur a good person but clean it up a bit you are giving yourself a horrible name what are you gonna tell your children someday gee mom you look and act like a slut . COME ON MILEY PLEASE CLEAN IT UP !!!!

  63. I just want to say that I read the letter and it is good to know that there are still good parents in this world and that they would rather be their children’s parents instead of their best friend. I seen what Miley Cyrus did and I was shocked at what I was seeing. It is already hard enough to raise our kids up in this day and time and try to keep them on a good path. But our kids look up to the young singers and actors/actresses and we can only hope that these kids can be a good role model, in a way, for our children but it doesn’t always turn out that way. I have 2 grown daughters now but I can remember when they were a handful. You always worry where they are, who they are with, and so on. I always told my girls that I am their mother first, that I had plenty of time to be their friend when they are older. I am not going to sit here and judge Billy Ray or his wife on how they raised Miley and with what morals cause I wasn’t there. I just wanted to let Kim know that what she wrote to her daughter was awesome and no matter what anyone else says, I am behind her 100 percent. Our children are going to make mistakes in life but the least we can do is hope they keep them to a minimal. And I do hope that Miley really does some day look back at her actions on that stage and agree that she should never have done that. She is just doing what every other child in the business or most them have done and that is do whatever they have to do to climb that ladder of success. But she needs to do it with a little better taste in what she does and have a little more respect for herself in doing it.

    • Amen to that! Kids are kids, and parents know how their children are raised…to the best of their ability. I agree that kids, like Miley,Cyrus, even though she’s in her twenties, she’s a Broadway Hollywood kid and she has seen that there are peer pressures of doing better than the “Jone’s” It’s up to them to decide which path they have to take, and suffer the consequences, or do better to make it respectable in the eyes of the Lord. I know. I have a daughter and she’s now 45 years old, old enough to do what she wants, and pleases. She has 2 daughters herself, and she knows the route of the growing up stages, and yet, they choose to do things and they too, will learn later on in life.

  64. Kudos to you for this post. I found Miley’s behavior repulsive. On the other hand I feel sorry for her because she is a beautiful young woman that could have so much going for her. She is so lost.

  65. Kim, thank you for speaking out on behalf of all moms, The performance make me sick at my stomach. I’m raising my 13 year old grand daughter and we was would TV together that night and she got up and turn the channel. She told me that was sick that should not have been on tv. I told her had proud i was of her and that no way for any girl to act. It’s a hard world out there. I will not let the kids watch Miley Cyrus or listen to her music in my house again. I feel sorry for Miley and Billy Ray Cyrus should have put his foot down along time ago.

  66. Kim, I think you did a wonderful thing writing that letter because I know in your heart you were reaching out not only to your daughter and her friends but to all young girls who may have watched this horrible act on both Miley and Robins part, he is a grown man and should have never agreed to such vulgarity at all, If he ever has children he should ask himself would I want my daughter doing this with a man on stage maybe if he had children he would see how wrong it is.. And as far as Miley she should be ashamed what she and robin did was not entertainment it was disgusting.. And the publicity they are getting is bad and if that doesn’t bother them, then just wait until they appear again and no one will tune in because of this show being so disgusting~

  67. THANK YOU!!!! I’m a 33 year old,single woman,and I have no children but as the aunt of 3 little boys I am BEGGING these young women to STOP propetuating this idea that THIS is how women are supposed to act!! We are apparently supposed to be okay with mashing our booties and OTHER body parts against random men and if we don’t all do that we’re lame! I don’t disagree with someone having the right to what they choose with their bodies but let’s start by stating that this is not the first time Miley has pushed it too darn far at the VMA’s. Does anyone else remember her performance where she was bumping and grinding on a stripper pole in front of her own FATHER?! I’m sorry but I don’t even feel comfortable talking about pregnancy,men,sex or ANYTHING in front of my father but apparently Miley feels it’s perfecctly acceptable to talk about it but to show Billy Ray,her mother,and most of America and almost every other country what she’s doing. Oh,and I’m sorry but is there anything wrong with respecting a married man? Robin Thicke is married and has a small child so since when is it okay to thrust your bum against his crotch?! It ticks me off that people like Miley Cyrus,Kim Kardashian,her vaipd,waste of space sisters,and these psuedo-celebs are allowed to hold themselves up,not only as celebrities but as ROLE MODELS!!! It’s disturbing and you’re right. They are selling themselves for far,far less then they truly deserve!

  68. Funny I just read your post about how to go viral but it’s gone, but I found it interesting that I wrote about this same topic but none of my family or friends shared my post but many of them posted yours. I was analyzing and wondered what you knew that I didn’t. LOL Loved your post.

  69. As a 17 year old,I thought the performance was ridiculous. I’m the oldest of 5 children and my sister is the youngest and she’s only 9!And imagining her act like that makes me wanna lock her in a basement,just kidding.I,myself don’t act like that and don’t even grind against guys because I have way much more respect for myself than that. She’s not even 21 one yet and she’s grinding against someone who could be her dad? No one was ever there for me when I was growing up to show me how to act except maybe my grandparents. And my grandpa was huge on acting like a lady,but he also served in the Army.Even though he’s not here anymore,I still take what he said and will pass it to my girls when I have kids. I think Miley is just doing this because she wants the “attention”,but if your good at what you do,then you shouldn’t have to do outrageous things just to get it.

  70. Amen. That’s how WE do it! RESPECT yourself. Us Mom’s are older and wiser…we have made our fair share of mistakes but we don’t want you to go through the pain of later finding out that you were someone’s MUSE. If you want guys to respect you…little ones…you must find the courage and strength to respect yourself. Do you really want to be with guys who just care about looks or sexuality? There is so much more depth to the human soul! THIS cheapens / degrade women and teaches men to do the same.

  71. Amen on this advice!

    I will admit as a 24 yr old mother of an 8 year old daughter (had her when I was 16) and we both watched Miley’s performance and I as a mother was in total disgust, my daughter looked at me and said “omg mom that’s who used to be Hannah Montana? The girl who’s concerts you once took me to? Wow she needs to go get a lesson on how to act like a lady”

    I had my wild days and they are long over, and as a young mom I would never let any of my children act like this!

  72. Amen Kim Keller! I am just now catching up on all this simply because my daughter is asking all about it. Thank you Miley Cyrus for giving me such a great teaching moment with my daughters! I feel sorry for you and so embarrassed for you!

    I keep asking myself why no one stepped in on her behalf and why they would let her put on such a crude performance. My heart breaks for her and for anyone that thinks that was acceptable, an act of talent, or our right given to us by the Constitution. It was just gross and disrespectful – not to mention, just looked stupid. I am happy that your daughter, Kim Keller, has someone like you to step in. I, also, will not ever let my daughter act out in such a way that would let her degrade herself and make her less than amazing young lady she is. What have we become!? To all who read this, please protect your girls! If we as parents don’t step in, who will?

    • Exactly the way I feel. If I ever saw my daughter or granddaughter act like that it would make me sick. Excellent letter to her daughter. Parents need to know how to teach their children!!!

      • i come from a family where my mom was strict, we had rules, I was the only 1 out of 3 girls that listened. my other 2 sisters would sneak out, did dumb things and where all to consumed with ” having FUN “. and where are my sisters now you ask well 1 has been hooked on every “fun” drug out there for 25 years oh and is in and out of jail. and her 2 kids 17 and 13 have suffered because of her “fun” lifestyle. the other sister who also has 2 kids 17 and 14 in and out off homes because she is so consumed with having “fun” that her kids also have to suffer this lifestyle of “fun” also comes along with many men who have beat the both of them, they have had countless STD’s. where are the morals, where is their self respect? so YOUNG YOUNG Taylor when you decide to have children I pray you wont have girls because you will be eating those words. I have 2 boys and 1 girl and am terrified that my boys one day just might be Justin Bieber or my sweet loving little girl could make the wrong choices in life and turn into a Miley Cyrus. I can do the best I can to teach them right from wrong, If they listen is up to them but be assured my heart will be breaking if they don’t. it is a scary world out there so thanks you so much Kim for sharing this letter 🙂 I hope to one day leave these words of advice to my children when the get older!

      • Kim Keller, Kudos to you. I agree with you totally. You are doing the right thing by teaching your daughter right from wrong. Also for respecting herself first. I couldn’t of said this any better than you did. Oh and by the way. I have granddaughters and I would never want to hear of or see them acting in such a disrespectful way as what Miley was doing on National TV just to get attention. Thank You.

      • I so agree with you Kim..I have a 11 year old grand-daughter and if I ever see her doing any thing like that.. she will here from me…. This gentrations of children doesn’t have a clue as to what respect mean for themselves or their parents.

      • What point? She acted like a whore, knowing she has thousands of young fans, that don’t need to see this. She deserves to get her butt kicked. But I suppose it’s ok, since she is an entertainer. I am proud of Kim Keller’s letter to her daughter.

      • Dear Ms. Keller, With all due respect I will admit Miley did not carry on a very good performance. I wonder if it had been a really talented performance in the same genre, would there be more accolades instead of insults? Remember “Dirty Dancing”, with Patrick Swazye? Their dancing in that movie was much more risqué, but the movie was praised, never put down and we all loved it.

    • Apparently your of the “me” generation that think this kind of behavior is acceptable. I can promise you that if your a teenager you will be used, and abused for your thinking. You will be guys pass around, and will never truly have a loving relationship. Guys will date you for one thing, and one thing only. You will end up pregnant, and unwanted.

      If your a parent your child will regret having you as such, when they are used, and abused because you thought it was “having a little fun”. They will despise you for not being a loving, caring parent. Who didn’t thin of it as “having a little fun”, but a shameless display of vulgar behavior. Being no better than an animal. Wake up, and look at yourself, because you on a path of destruction either way.

    • You know growing up I had a belt used on me .. even was abused .. I would never abuse my kids but they did get their butts whipped when doing something that shouldn’t been done.. That’s whats wrong with kids these days.. You cant spank their butts without someone screaming child abuse.. Child abuse was heavy when I was young and I turned out pretty damn good. And by the way . what Miley is doing its not fun its stupid and I’m sure her father is embarrased by her..And when your daughter acts like her I hope you don’t go crying to anyone cause you said it yourself ,, let her have fun..

    • It’s fine for someone to have fun but thrusting your bum against some man’s gonads while gyrating on stage in front of MILLIONS is not fun! It’s humilating and it makes all women look bad! It’s make it okay for women to degrade thenselves to get attention and I”m sorry but if I have to do that to get a man’s attention I don’t want it that bad. In 33 years of life I have learned sveral things but the two main things i’ve learned are I never want anyone to tell me I’m awesome just because it’s what I want to hear and I never want to be solely valued for my sexuality. Miley maybe a talented singer,a good actress or whatever but right now she’s just some bimob who stripped down,half naked,and rubbed her butt against another woman’s husband.

    • Having a little self respect is in no way “beating your child to the ground”. It simply shows them that you want them to have a little respect for themselves. Would you let “your” daughter behave like Miley? Her performance was gross and disgusting. Her parents should have taught her a little respect before it was too late. But of course they probably think all this attention is good, sorry Billy Ray and Tish, you’re BAD wrong, your little girl has lost all self-respect!

    • That isn’t what she is saying and this is from a woman that has raised two daughters. You teach your daughters to respect themselves so that others respect them in return. There is a big difference between sexy and slutty or trashy! You can have fun and enjoy yourself and life with out ever having to go any where near that extreme. There is alot to be said about the phrase ” leaving something to the imagination” ! I am a woman, mother and grandmother and I am sexy in every right without acting out or showing every thing I have to the world!

  73. THANK YOU for your post. It’s 100% true. Miley displayed a disgusting act of immaturity, filled with self-disrespect and provocativeness. I would be even more furious if I had a young daughter like you. I wish Miley would realize that showing skin, being sexual, doing drugs, and “twerking” is not a way to display maturity or adulthood. So thanks for raising your daughter up right, she is lucky to have you.

  74. Totally agree with you. You spoke up on behalf of mums around the world that feel the same. Way before this even occurred I was discussing this with my teenage and my other yet to be a teen daughter re Miley explaining that this is always what happens and it’s not the norm. Many of these child stars go on to this which is very unfortunate and to make matters even worse it rubs on the youth who think it’s okay. I guess this is just the beginning for Cyrus. Miley has unfortunately followed in the footsteps of her Disney predecessors, the only thing missing was Madonna on this occasion. Thumbs up mum! Many of us feel the same way!

  75. Roadkill Goldfish -Are you sure about your post? Do you know what is going on in MC’s head? The (hypothetical) violence you suggest to your own daughter is pretty repellent too, the final part sounds like bullying. ‘Tough love’ doesn’t have much love in it!

  76. Her performance was completely INSANE!! NOT in a good way. I’m only 19 and I felt bad for her. People do feed into her ego, and it has gotten completely out of hand. Us as women should set an example of how a lady should present herself, not parade around in a nude outfit and dance on a MARRRIED, not to mention GROWN, man!!! So I salute you Ms. Keller and all of the other women and men who agree with you! May God bless you all.

  77. I just heard about your letter and your blog on the Roy Green show. As a teacher of young children (9-10 years old), I often see situations in which I question whether or not people still parent anymore. My colleagues and I frequently discuss the direction in which youth, in particular, young women, are heading. Evidently, there was a torrent of activity on Facebook after the VMAs. Although it may not seem like it at times, there are still wonderful parents out there who do still take the time and effort required to set boundaries, to establish rules, to say ‘no’ and to explain why. Thanks for being one of those parents.

    J. Liu
    Vancouver, Canada.

  78. Kim, I just saw you on Fox News! Thanks so much for being brave enough to stand up for your daughter and all our daughters. I have an 11 year old daughter and it’s so hard to protect them and make them understand their true worth and beauty. God bless you!

  79. I think Miley has a narcissistic personality. To her, any attention is good attention. She will do whatever it takes to get attention. She has no boundaries in public and doesn’t recognize when something is inappropriate Many people in the entertainment industry is narcissistic. I don’t think she has recently become this way, I remember seeing pics of her when she was younger and before her image change, where she was in underwear and would lift her shirt up, it looked like she had taken the pics on her cell phone. I’m also convinced that she is using drugs, she is unhealthy skinny.

  80. I really don’t care about celebreties’ antics. Most of them will do anything to get attention. Whether it is a positive or negative issue it is still publicity for them. However, as a parent i believe i would do the same thing to my daughter. It is my foremost duty as a mother to protect my child in any ways. There are many ways for a person to look cool but what Miley did was a big NO. There is no self-respect in what she did and the performance put a lot of parents and children in a very awkward moment considering that she was once a Disney star and kids looked up to her. Lastly, her recent actions which are feasted in various social media is just a reflection of her upbringing. I feel sad for Miley and I challenge her parents to do something about this before things turn to worst.

  81. When I was informed Miley Cyrus would be performing at this event, I was rather unnerved, being a thirteen-year-old girl who was truly scarred from the “We Can’t Stop” video. I was disgusted upon seeing her performance, however not incredibly shocked. However, when Robin Thicke came onstage, that was when I was shocked.

    He’s a grown man who should know better than to take part in such a disturbing performance. I understand the Blurred Lines video, that’s one thing, but this was too much. Miley is an attention seeker, she does anything possible to make everyone look at her, it doesn’t matter if nobody enjoys it, as long as the eyes are on her and the media is discussing her. And being as though I’ve understood that for a long time, I would have thought that Robin would’ve realised that there is something not right about that.

    The dancing used by Miley Cyrus should not be used by anyone. It doesn’t matter who you are, it is not at all “hot” to rub your backside up on a man’s pelvis, it is not “sexy” to twerk, and PLEASE, put your tongue back in your mouth.

    I’m actually a little worried to go to my next school dance. I was unnerved enough to see Miley doing those disturbing things, but to see twelve-year-olds and thirteen-year-olds acting like that? I think I may become nauseous. Miley has no self-respect, and I’m waiting for the day her children see that, because I really would like to know how embarrassing that will be for them, because I’m telling you, ten years from now it will be remembered as the most disgusting VMA performance on TV.

    I understand the VMAs are much more loose on how appropriate performances have to be (compared to let’s say, the Grammy’s, or the AMAs) however, that was a performance that belonged in a strip club.

    And if a little girl who hasn’t even finished seventh grade has that logic, no adult has any excuses not to have it.

    • WOW! 13? you sound very mature and well-spoken for your age. your writing is phenomenal. anyhow, my name is amanda and i am 34. i used to want to fit in and had a real hard time of it in school. instead of being promiscuous, i found more comfort in drinking and drugs- and i urge you to not go in either direction because they just hinder your life’s problems until you are ready to start dealing with them. you sound like you have such a clear head, your parents must be doing something right!!!

      as for the robin thicke thing, unfortunately we are a society that is driven by the media. everything you see and hear on tv, in magazines and billboards- has an affect on our population like nothing else. and whatever is going to sell, is going to be used- mostly, shock sells. that is why you dont see love stories on the outside of newspapers everyday or generally good things, because people are attracted to looking at train wrecks and car accidents. robin thicke was just making money and someone else was behind setting up a show that would provide just enough craziness that we would still be talking about it right now. they did their job, and we are reacting like they planned. hope i helped a little. keep learning!!! YOU ARE AWESOME!

    • wow you are one smart girl. keep your head on your shoulders girl you got it going for you , you know the different between right and wrong , you have a good mom and she is bringing you up right. im proud of you and i dont even know you lol its a shame that somebody looked up to her, my daughter watched her show on disney all the time, and she really did a 360 turn around. i do feel bad for her though, hopefully one day she will see the wrong on what she did. but you keep going your smart and intelligent keep it going

    • I totally agree with this 13 year old girl, Robin Thicke is an adult, a grown man, who should have put a stop to this vulgar act that included him, he knew exactly what was going to happen before stepping on that stage so in my eyes he is just a vulgar as she was, if either one of them had any self respect this show would have been turned around but hey celebrities doing this stuff brings in money and ratings but this time the only thing it brought in was bad publicity for them.

  82. What is so sad about this to me, is, not really just Miley, but Billy Ray Cyrus. I just have 6 words for him–WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS MAN!!! I remember when Miley was a teen and on TV, and one of the national magazines, possibly PEOPLE but I am not sure, shared an article about how he was so very determined to raise her in a different way than other child actors or performers had been, to avoid the pitfalls, and the like, that have befallen so many in the past. He was in short going to have her back. And to keep it covered. WELL…instead when she was either 15 or 16 he allowed a picture of her topless taken by Annie Liebovitz to be front cover of Vanity Fair. “You can’t argue with Annie Liebovitz” was his excuse afterwards as I recall. Really??? Somewhere this evangelical Christian dad had totally lost sight of even being a godly father in my opinion–and why? Because she was now more famous than he was and she, not he, called the shots. And he was actually there during the shoot itself–but supposedly had slipped out to get a sandwich or some such thing when Annie “tricked” Miley into the undressed mode–and instead of smashing the Liebovitz camera, raising a general ruckus, and risking the lawsuit (which he probably would have won anyway) and then leaving, he then sat down and participated in other shots for the spread. Unbelievable to me. And inexcusable. Children will almost always outdo their parents, either in good or bad. Miley is simply living out Billy’s mentality.

  83. This was a entertainment show! It has nothing to do with Mileys respect for herself.. Have you ever watched the video for the song they were performing to? As for the shot of Will Smith’s family, that was shown in conjunction with the MileyCyrus/Robin Thicke performance, it was a false trick used by the media to show distain. The Smiths were actually videoed watching Lady Gaga’s show not (Robin’s and Miley’s) they were enjoying and that was just a still in-between their actual happy faces. Someone in the media actually had to run that video in slow-mo. to catch the looks that they had on their faces. Cheap shot. After watching musicals like Moulin Rouge, and Chicago I think Miley and Robin’s dance routine was pretty mild.

  84. I write as a 14 year old who was shocked and disgusted with Miley’s VMA performance when I watched it with my friends. This in NO WAY made me want to act like her.
    If she is going to do things like this, I would say please do not show them on public TV. If she wants to do it, do it at a concert where you do not let children in. Let her do this because then she can watch back and think of how bad she looked.
    But I do think some parents go too far. As for not letting a girl out of the house in a bikini- so what? I have one…it is a garment to go in the water with. If acts like this did not associate bikini’s with this kind of vulgarity, then nobody would care. Boys are not criticized for walking around shirtless.
    Finally I would like to say that Miley should take a long look at how repulsive she has become, but any girl who thinks they should be like this after watching this was probably headed on that track anyway. My friends and i found it disturbing and i cannot think of a single girl i am friends with doing this.
    Sure, i can think of girls I KNOW doing it…that is the kind of people there are in this world.
    Take Miley…..

    • Thank you for sharing a teen’s perspective on this. You raise very good points, and I am so proud of you for taking the risk of publicly speaking out. I am immensely proud of you. Please tell your mom to give you a hug for me.

  85. I also have two daughters. While raising them there are certain values and mores each individual wants to instill within their offspring, myself included. My kids did not think this behavior was appropriate. However, there is another lesson here. And that lesson is distinguishing WHY Cyrus did what she did. As a twenty year old, she is an excellent businesswoman. People are talking about her all over the world. Her music is actually not bad. She is targeting a certain market. She will sell records and sell out concerts. People forget about Cher, Maddona, Gaga, Kiss, Ozzy, NIN, Love, and Winehouse, plus all the other artists that market themselves in ways that do sell albums. How many kids do you know are selling a house in Miami for bucketloads of cash? Everyone loves shock value. look at the Kardashians. If you don’t like her, change the channel, don’t listen to her music. My kids sleep well at night knowing who and what they are. Hoping that whatever decisions Cyrus has made that she is happy with who she is, and she can sleep with herself at night too. The sheep bleat about their own righteousness. The intelligent see WHY it is happening. Make sure you tell that to your kids as well….

  86. Oh well done. I was a wild child, despite my parent’s best efforts, but I came to my senses because of their best efforts, I came to respect myself & in turn, people respected me.

  87. Dear Kim-

    Thank you for providing a wonderful platform to turn things around for good. We used this as a wonderful tool to teach our daughter that she has other options instead of ‘twerking’ her way through life and succumbing to peer pressure.

    God Bless!!

  88. Hi Kim,
    My brother Mike forwarded your letter which is awesome! I thoroughly
    agree with your post and found it extremely articulate, and thought provoking to say the least! I plan to print this out for my 2 kids and hope whenever they see it, they always remember how much we as parents care about their lives,and love each of them as a unique person on this planet. Though they may disagree with what we are teaching them at times, it is always with their best interest in mind. It is amazing what they can see on tv these days and we consequently greatly limit the time and content they watch. We also aim to teach them them self respect, and that they are unique beatiful people that don’t need to emulate others. Its obvious you are raising kids up right, and being a great role model for them!

  89. I understand why you feel the way you do and I agree with much of what you wrote. I was appalled watching Miley’s performance but rather than punish myself seeing her tongue hanging out like some grotesque animal in heat, not to mention her twerking and sexual grinds with Robin Thicke, I reached for the remote and changed the channel.

    What I don’t agree with is your conclusion that Miley is the way she is because she was coddled, never told no or to change her clothes before leaving the house or to get a whack on her behind when she became defiant. Unless you are part of Miley’s inner circle or a member of her family, how could you possibly know how she was raised or what went on behind closed doors? This was not tongue-in-cheek. You really believe this is the world she grew up in. I don’t.

    I think Miley is a 20 year old desperately seeking attention and wanting to be the one everyone is talking about. That was obvious when she gushed over learning her performance lit up Twitter at over 300,000 Tweets per minute. No one cared that Lady Gaga performed in a barely there bikini with shells attached to her breasts. Nope. Miley got what she wanted. And looking at the numbers of responses here on your blog, mine included, she is still the talk of the town and probably will be for some time to come.

    Miley Ray Cyrus may not live up to certain standards but as I Tweeted earlier, this is not the first time a raunchy act has graced the stage of the VMA’s and it certainly won’t be the last.

    I honestly enjoyed reading your perspective and appreciate the opportunity to respond.

  90. Reblogged this on not your average zoe and commented:
    More thoughts about the indecency of the Miley Cyrus dancing debarcle. The lows people go to to make money. Are her methods any better than prostitution?
    Any the important thing for women, and indeed every living human to remember is that 1) you are valued as you are 2) I mean it – don’t think that changing anything about you will improve your life. It will improve the surface but underneath is the same you with the same them out side. 3) healthy, strong, fearless, ambitious, achiever, intelligent, kind, charming, caring, thoughtful, curious – who wouldn’t want those words to naturally become associated with their name when people thought of them? 4) there are over 7 billion people on the planet and growing daily – we can’t all be remembered for doing something phenomenal, but we can make an impact in our own social circles, families and communities. Do you want it to be a positive one, or one that makes you cringe when you look back in a few years? and finally for now 5) the internet is a glorious and powerful tool. It also has a powerful memory and anything and everything that you publish and put up on it remains there indefinitely. Choose what you share wisely.

    • Oh my gosh! I love this part: “We can’t all be remembered for doing something phenomenal, but we can make an impact in our own social circles, families and communities.” Wonderfully and beautifully stated.

      • Thank you! You make me blush, It’s something I have to actually remind myself everyday – don’t beat yourself up because you aren’t going to be in a history book Zoe, you are making it into the history book of your Mother, brother, husband, stepson – concentrate on making that positively! Spread the word Kim! Zx

    • I have teenaged twin daughters, when they saw this display of obscenities in your face! I was so proud of them there statements where, selling yourselve short there Miley!! I said yup indeed!! I was so proud of them !! I can’t understand the music industry saying there so excited and happy about her performance! And there saying it was a success!! And there’s Ms. Miley so proud of her performance saying she’s getting such a tremendous amount of support!!! REALLY!!!ok there porn stars and now we have have music industry porn Queens this is what the music world is turning out, they must be really desperate!,,,,, this was not done in good taste it was probably the lowest attempt in try to sell something on live T.V I have ever seen!! It was very disrespectfully toward many audience who tuned in not expecting not to see such a display as this, especially her younger audience, she should if this is the direction she’s heading down she should at least put in a caption X rated and I will change the channel promptly.. She and the music industry should make an applogy to the younger audience for having to watch in your face disrespectful actions!!!!

  91. Your post makes me rather sad. What I will teach my daughter:

    1) Smacking your children is unacceptable archaic. It’s for parents that can’t handle their children and resort to violence.
    2) Unless you’re willing to check you son’s clothes before they leave, don’t do it with your daughter. It’s clearly sexist and reinforces the idea that women need to act a certain way, while men can be free and do what they want.
    3) Your value and worth are independent from the clothes you wear, or from the amount of people you’ve had sex with. It’s in your heart and mind.
    4) Be curious, learn, read, gain a strong opinion on things. Don’t just mindlessly party all the time.
    5) You are beautiful, there’s nothing wrong with wearing make up, pretty outfits, and taking pictures of yourself, if that’s what you want to do. Just know that there’s more to a person than physical appearance.
    6) You can be “girly”, “tomboyish”, or whatever you want to be. I will enforce strict gender roles on you.
    7) Don’t attack, bully, shame, or disrespect other people. Calling a girl a “slut”, “fat”, “trashy”, “retarded” or whatever, only speaks badly of you.
    8) Be aware of discrimination and what’s socially unjust. Fight for others even if it doesn’t directly affect you.
    9) I will always love you and support you. You can tell me anything.

    • Essentially, you and I have the same overall message. We love our girls enough to want the best for them, and we want our girls to find their value in who they ARE rather than how they LOOK. I certainly hope you don’t seriously think I beat my kids. It is a tongue-in-cheek reference.

    • Will you teach your daughter that is perfectly ok to get on stage in front of millions of people and air ….. her self? That it is perfectly ok on that stage to hump a man? That it is ok for her bend over and rub her rear end on a man? You are young and I don’t believe you have a daughter and while all of your ideas look good on paper, it’s not how it always is. Never say never. Miley degraded herself and set a terrible example for all women!

  92. Mr. Thicke should be held accountable for his participation in this lewd public exhibition. It was lewd. Miley has cultivated a certain image over the years for herself, and I understand how she might want to break away from that image, but doing this kind of exhibition on public television is not the way. It was demeaning to herself and to Alan Thicke. He is as much if not more to blame since he is the older in this situation and should know better. It’s not just this performance that makes me frightened for the girl. She has confessed to sleeping around and taking drugs. Fame is a two edged sword if you’re not careful. What you have to do to get it, and what you have to do to keep it. The people I truly feel for are her parents and family. It’s difficult to see someone you love with all your heart heading down a path that can lead them into trouble. I watched the video only once to see what all the fuss was about. It was like seeing someone I didn’t recognize. Someone hollow and empty. It felt like a real death of innocence. And I think that this is what this is truly about. We mourn the sweet image we had of her. It made me sad.

    • I don’t feel sorry for her Parents, they allowed her, when she was about 14, to pose in a National Magazine in a provocative manner, topless, back to the camera looking over her shoulder, and when people complained try to pass it off as Art, and at the same time poseing with her father lying on the floor with her father cuddled up behind her, I think she was used by her parents

      How can you expect respect when you don’t respect yourself.

  93. Perfect example of public slut shaming under the guise of motherly love. Why do you get to judge Miley’s behavior as cheap or desperate? It’s the perpetuation of sexual double standard that will cause your daughter heartbreak, not any future behaviour that YOU deem inappropriate. I notice there is not one word about how the married father in your featured picture was part of this show. Men who exploit women are deplorable. However, its the plain janes in the corner, clucking at the pretty girl that are more damaging and threatening to women’s self esteem. Stop judging other daughters and mothers and focus on your own growth.

  94. I wish i could hug you for this post, too many parents are trying to be friends and not parents. Thank you for being the mother you are, if more mothers were taking the stand that you have we would have more girls respecting themselves…. the world we live in has way too many people you think its cool walk around half naked if what they are wearing can be considered clothing and its sad that the people who are role models for kids are those who lack self confidence and are in serious need for attention that they behave as Miley i was applaud by her performance very distasteful. you may come under fire from others who think you are being judgmental but i think that these people are those who are so star crazed that they lack the ability to see and think clearly. i am by no means innocent because i have behaved out of context on occasions but i have learnt and have changed those ways( behaviors) .
    Thank you for being the loving mother you are, parents need to realize that by denying somethings and being strict doesn’t mean you don’t love your kids and being their friend isn’t always best because friends sometimes eliminate truth because they don’t want to be thought of as a bad person.
    you deserve an award.

  95. I have heard parents say “in this cultural it can’t be done” we can’t keep control of our kids! Well, to that I say BULL. I just drove my 19 year old daughter to college yesterday. She’s beautiful, a cheerleader, with a 4.2 GPA and a VIRGIN. I did NOT allow her to have a bikini at 13. Did she want one? YES of course but as long as I was buying the clothes she would wear what I said. I allowed her at 14 to have a two piece with boxer shorts! (It helped that her school had a STRICT DRESS CODE and enforced it) Was shopping always pleasant? Not hardly. In fact it was the only thing I dreaded doing with her. But I usually stood my ground – at 16-17 I gave in and she got a two piece and yes, a little skimpier than I would have liked but she didn’t go on a date in a car with a boy until she was 17.

    Last night – her first night at college (sigh) was the FIRST NIGHT EVER that I did not know where she was, who she was with, or really what she was doing. But, I kind of did – because I know the girl I raised. I know she wants to be a virgin when she’s married. Will she be? That’s up to her now, not me – but I think she just might. She’s 19 in two weeks…and she’s made it this far.

    Did she have peer pressure? YES. Was it all rosy? NO. But, I wasn’t giving in. I always called the parents of the friend she was staying out with. When she dated a boy, I called the parents…I wanted to know when they were going out of town and no one was supervising….I wanted to know EVERYTHING I COULD. It was MY JOB.

    Lazy parenting, parenting by giving kids what they want because the parent is weak and has no structure – parents who let the kids call the shots, make me sick.

    GUESS what? My 16 year old son does not have a cell phone. Why? Because he can’t handle it. He had one and texts were inappropriate, photos were exchanged so he lost the privilege. This year we may try again. We’ll see – yes, it’s inconvenient for me but I would rather live with my inconvenience than be too lazy to care about what kind of person he becomes because girls like to send photos of themselves in underwear these days.

    Parents need to GROW UP. Smarten up. Stop being lazy. Stop being your kids friend. Do the RIGHT THING no matter what it takes. And do not falter with what is right and wrong. The lines are clear. It’s up to you to draw them.

    • What a smart and loving PARENT you are! I wish there were more like you. I am constantly told that I am naive for thinking that all kids must go through experimenting with drugs, alcohol, and sex in jr. high and high school. And that to be a good parent and enable your child to “fit in” you must buy them the sleezy, skimpy, or provocative clothing that is “in style”. What happened to parents being invested in teaching their children morals and values so they can gain their self-esteem from who they are as a person, not how many people check out their body?

    • Sad that you would focus so much on your daughter staying a virgin until marriage, being super controlling of her clothing choices, etc. Being a virgin does not make you a better person, and implies nothing of your worth as a person. If she does have any type of sexual activity with a boyfriend (very likely), because of you she will just feel ashamed, trash, a disappointment.

      By the way, do you focus THAT much on your son’s virginity? On his clothing choices? Do you supervise what he’s doing and will call his girlfriend’s house to check on him like you do with your daughter?

      • I believe this parent is probably a Christian. The Bible speaks of chastity until marriage. Have you ever thought of this possibility? If she is, please give due respect to one’s beliefs.

        However, even otherwise, I’d like to point out that parents who are in the first place already complacent about the sexual acts of their children, often encounter problems about their promiscuity. And possibly the issue of STDs. An act of authority is not bad. It gives the child this sense of guidance. And I do believe that sex is just singled out here because of the issue regarding Miley and that she does not necessarily meant to imply that her daughter’s virginity is her top priority. Why, with a mom like this, I actually believe it’s her daughter’s education.

        About the son, I’m pretty sure same goes with him. It was just not pointed out. You, woman conclude very loosely. The points are generally thought-provoking but sad to say an 8th grader was able to rebut them. God bless!

      • She can do what she wants she is the PARENT.. theres a big difference..As long as your child lives under your roof they will listen to you and do as you say.. why is it so hard for alot of people to understand..She is the mother .. her daughter is the child.. means shes raising her right..it doesn’t mean her daughter will not end up disappointing her but once they leave home its all on the child.. the mother did her best kudos to you mom for teaching your children morals..

    • I love that you are the parent you are, we need more of you! I also love your last few lines “The line are clear” first thing I thought about was his song they sang “blurred lines” … so glad your lines are not blurred!!!!

  96. I applaud your letter and identify with it. I teach and will teach all my children, regardless of gender, to be respectful individuals to themselves and others. Your letter was well-worded and someday you will get a big ‘thank you’ from your daughter- just gotta wait.

  97. To level the field (after reading a number of posts), did everyone forget what we call men who act out sexually? I will remind you:
    1. Hound dogs
    2. Gigolos
    3. Dirty old man
    4. A reprobate
    5. Lecher or lecherous
    6. User
    7. Playboy
    8. Philanderer
    9. Womanizer
    10. Casanova
    11. Don Juan
    12. Rogue
    13. Tom Cat
    14. Skirt Chaser
    15. Horn dog
    16. Lady killer
    17. Roué
    18. Pleasure Seeker
    19. Libertine
    20. Romeo
    21. Wanton
    22. Degenerate
    23. Dissolute
    24. Depraved
    25. Pervert
    26. Peeping Tom
    27. Immoral
    28. Unprincipled
    29. Dishonorable
    30. Unscrupulous
    31. Licentious
    32. “Plays around”
    33. Horn pout
    34. “Love them and leave them”
    35. Dissipated
    36. Intemperate
    37. Self-indulgent
    38. Reckless
    39. Unrestrained
    40. Debauched

    Need I continue? To make the sexes equal requires that we use the proper words to describe and communicate accurately. There is no need to defend, attack or coddle, when we communicate accurately. The truth will be made known and those seeking to know the truth will find same.

    My Dad taught me many words (good ones as well) and I used these words to measure my future suitors. By observing their behavior around me and others, their actions dictated which words applied. I made my choices accordingly. This is necessary because I, in some part, become like those I have around me.

    Repentance will not happen until someone knows that they did something wrong. This knowledge is brought forth by communicating accurately.

    A final thought. Like it or not, to be truly responsible, we must also be accountable and thereby make choices as if everybody was watching because none of us really know the people we influence. The failed item, regarding the topic of the blog, is education.

  98. This is something so many girls need to hear, especially my girl. She’s the girl whose mother is her friend, and whose stepmother is her parent (I’ve been lovingly cast as the evil stepmother by the fun mom and it sucks, but I hope she will learn a few things from me before deciding I don’t know squat). Very eloquently written!

  99. I’m also proof that you can turn out just fine if you aren’t spanked. A full-ride scholarship, a good job, and an incredibly happy life should be enough of an example. No study has every condoned spanking. My mom is my best friend, but I also respect her as an authority and she never laid a hand on me.

  100. Reblogged this on To Be Determined. and commented:
    Is this really what society has come to? As far as I am concerned, this is far from what society should be. It is people like Miley Cyrus who are constantly wrongly influencing teens to become like her and making it okay to act the way she did. Miley, just know that what you’re doing is unacceptable. You won’t notice it now but you will.

  101. Am not from US and watching this was a cultural Shock for me and my wife….We cant imagine someone to act like that out in public show !!! We considered it dis-graceful….Good to know that parents in US also share our thoughts…..Yes, sure this is a lesson for the kids who have never heard NO from anyone. When you move out of home, one will see reality of this world…People are nice but you cant expect everyone to be that way…!! Well said mom !

    • I was blessed to have had parents exactly like you. I grew up with total respect for myself and body even though at times I felt alone (growing up in the 60’s pre and post hippy free love era)I am now 64 and have 3 granddaughters for whom I will save your letter. I thank my dad, God rest his soul, for making me wipe off the excessive eye make up, take off the TOO short minis and regret the times I whispered under my breathe “I hate You, you are ruining my life”. I am sure my husband also appreciates my srict parents. Way to go Mom!

  102. My mom shared this post on Facebook, and this was my response:
    I didn’t like this actually. I don’t plan on ever becoming like Miley Cyrus. That wasn’t really the issue I had. But I don’t think she ended up that way because everyone told her she was awesome and let her get away with everything. She was alternately told that she sucked and idolized by little girls. I think she got that way because she had the life of a child star. Because I saw articles faking concern when she weighed over 120 pounds and #MileyAssSmallerThan was trending on Twitter. Because someone besides herself choreographed that routine and told her it was going to help her distinguish herself from the good girl image she’d earned from being a Disney star. Because she is getting so much smack for this performance. Yeah, I hated it too, just like everyone else. But regardless she worked hard to produce that piece of crap. And I don’t know that she’s screaming for attention. And neither does the author of this blog post. I don’t think any of us can know, because even if she is a bad role model (we should have learned by now not to allow our kids to idolize Disney stars), and she is acting like a total slut (hate that word), and she is making generally terrible life choices, she is still a human being. If she wasn’t famous we’d be far more likely to feel the necessary concern, not for her weight or hair cuts, but for her mental health. I’m never going to end up like Miley because I had a mother that cared more about molding a daughter who has similar values to herself, has a sense of responsibility, and has compassion. The compassion you gave me is the compassion that allows me to see that she wasn’t lucky enough to be raised by you.

    • Madeline,

      Please go hug your mom because she obviously loves you. So many girls don’t have that. My post is not about all about Miley; it uses Miley’s situation as a teachable example for a very impressionable tween.

  103. Miley is like any other 20 year old woman who is trying to break the image she had as a child and explode in to a re-defined version of self. It was a performance, not a confession of her inner being. She “chose” that performance to serve a purpose.

    Her choice can become the basis for an excellent values clarification conversation with your youth. Rather than scolding and “telling it like it is” (with a little physical intimidation thrown in for good measure) …. can’t you have a simple conversation?

    How about a conversation like this? … “Why do you think she chose to do that; what purpose did it serve? ” and “What message did she give out about who she is?”, and “Who do you think she really is inside?”, and “If you were in her position, how would you have handled it?” and “What message would you like to send out about who you are?” and “How will you do that?”

    If your goal is to encourage good decisions in your children, use their natural skills in observing and evaluating to let them explore the issue. The more THEY can do the work on values development (with your encouragement and guidance) the more likely they are to use good judgment out in the world, where you won’t be available to tell them what to do.

    If, on the other hand, your goal is to make your child feel crowded, resentful, rebellious and encourage acting out, then your approach will work just fine.

  104. Very well said Momma! There is so much trash the True Lady is being forgotten, it is up to us to be examples to our daughters! I never realized how trashy I looked with a beer in my hand and a ciggy in the other while dancing like I was a horny dog. I thought it was cool, No wonder why I was treated like a piece of meat. I will teach my daughter what a Lady and True self worth really is. God Bless!!!

  105. I have a platform to teach my daughter and her peers that they are immeasurably valuable and they don’t have to act out like that to get attention. It’s also a mom’s commitment to be her child’s parent. Miley’s behavior is a teachable example. You missed the spirit of the original post.

  106. I am awed by the ‘guts’ it takes to do her dance in front of hundreds of people and LIVE on TV to be seen by millions. I only wish I had 10% of the guts it takes to do something this outrageous; however, keep in mind, she was FULLY clothed in a garment made to look as if she is naked…it’s all smoke and mirrors, a publicity stunt!!!

    • I’m afraid you confuse ‘guts’ with a desperate cry for attention. FULLY clothed? Are you kidding? If your mother showed up for dinner wearing that would you consider her FULLY clothed? publicity stunt for sure. I can’t believe I am even replying; sick of talking about it and it only gives her the forum she craves. Blech!

  107. Hi!

    I wanted to mention that people her age do this, IN COLLEGE. They do dumb shit. Unfortunately, she’s in the public eye and she’s experimenting and making dumb choices that the whole world sees. These kids should really go to college. Justin Beiber should be a freshman or sophomore right now!

    Growing up in the spotlight from a young age really messes with your head and your life.

  108. Reblogged this on The Road Less Travelled and commented:
    This letter from a mother to her daughter has gone viral. As a father of four daughters, I’m proud to say that none of them were impressed with Miley Cyrus’s performance. In fact, my 15 year old described her performance as “trashy” and “triflin’.”

    I concur.

  109. I wonder if anybody writes letters like this to their sons?

    From where I was sat there was a 36(?) year old man up there on stage with Miss Cyrus. A man who seems to have largely missed having to take any responsibility for his part in what was, if not at all shocking to me, a rather cliche ridden spectacle.

    But isn’t this what we do to our daughters? Western culture imposes a different standard of morality upon its girls than it does on its boys. When a young female performer exhibits sexual behavior in a performance we grow ‘concerned’ – we presume she needs ‘help’, we wonder about the quality of parenting she received.

    When Justin Bieber acts out we shrug. He’s just a boy cutting loose. He’s just enjoying the wild ride fame and wealth has afforded him. He can act the fool all he wants and only the TMZ headlines flutter in the gossipy wind.

    Also I might add, I find it presumptuous of you to speak to the moral character of Miley Cyrus, a 20 year old girl who, as no longer a child, has every right to explore her sexuality, her artistry (or lack of it) any way she chooses.

    I don’t think there was anything particularly clever or artistic about her gyrations and if you choose to forbid these expressions in your home that is absolutely your right. People turned their TV’s off in droves to protect their daughters from the swinging pelvis of Elvis Aaron Presley.

    But unlike Mr Presley, Cyrus’s performance seem to signify her own shortcomings. Because as we all know, boys will be boys but girls should remember to be ladies.

    And for me, that is really the problem here…

    • I think your comments are off mark. Justin Bieber has received lots of flak for his behavior. His mom can barely go in public without being asked about it. Robin Thicke has received criticism for the very song they performed to. Miley’s performance reeked of desperation not sexuality. That is the problem….

    • I’m a 17-year-old girl reading all of these comments. (I feel a little awkward doing so, but considering that the premice of this letter is addressed to my generation, I figured that I would respectfully address some of the points made by commenters.) Just wanted to say that I agree with you, Stevie. Some of the comments I’ve seen here have called out Miley Cyrus (someone in particular used the phrase “devil-worshipping slut”). Yes, that’s called slut-shaming, and it’s just wrong. (And honestly, the religious aspect of that particular comment makes it sound even less-intelligent.) Exploring sexuality isn’t a bad thing, and quite frankly, that’s what preteens and teens have questions about. We’re thinking about our sexuality and how to express ourselves and we’re dealing with hormones. I was a preteen back when Miley was “Hannah,” and I was a fan of the show. I went to see her in concert and everything. Through my eyes, Miley’s performance was pointless to me, but not because I thought she was acting “slutty” or that her performance was “shameful.” I’m a fan of older music, and I think that the more risque artists that I like (Madonna, Prince) who played-up their sexuality in their lyrics and performances showcased symbolism and meaning and ART in their work. (I’ll even say that I’m a fan of Lady Gaga and believe that she’s doing similar things with her music and performances). That, to me, is what makes them artists, whereas Miley isn’t doing that. I believe that, if anything, her current music symbolizes my generation, which is unfortunately an apathetic one, easily manipulated by consumerism and social media.
      While I have no authority as a parent, I can at least offer a teen’s point-of-view. Talking to teens about making smart, safe, empowering choices is beneficial, whereas giving them a rulebook on how they should present themselves and act like in public can be oppressive. (Especially with the pressure girls already face because of societal double-standards, slut-shaming, etc.) I just feel like sometimes parents who take a hard stance on anything sexual might actually be stifling their kids’ self-expression or making them feel ashamed, and the fact that teens are already thinking about sexuality makes things even more confusing.

      • That was a well written and incredibly thoughtful response. I often worry that the upcoming generation lacks the necessary introspection to seize the roles of leadership in the future. I can see from your post that, like my generation, yours has both winners and losers and you will are one of the winners. Kudos!

  110. You’ve got my love and devotion for penning such a brilliant piece of writing with the intent of empowering your daughter. Perfection.

  111. Whilst I am in no way condoning Miley’s behavior, I do not believe you are behaving in any more of a decent manner. Miley is given a platform, and as we all found out, she is currently using this to sexualize herself via dancing provocatively and dressing provocatively. Though Miley may have upset parents who expect her to be a role model for their children, she has not actually hurt anybody. The VMAs were rated 14+ and I struggle to believe that in this modern world we live in, children that age have not seen worse. Unfortunately a large amount of music videos these days consist of women acting and dancing provocatively, just look at the Blurred Lines video. Looking at the entertainment industry, it is unsurprising that Miley feels a need to sexualize herself. People should try and sympathize with that. We have no idea what pressure Miley is under to change her image or to sell records, and as everyone knows, sex sells. Additionally, I do not understand why Miley’s behaviour is criticized more than Rihanna’s, Lady Gaga’s, Britney’s and even Beyonce’s as they dance just as provocatively while they are performing. I think we can all remember Britney’s ‘I’m a slave 4 you’ VMA performance and it was no more tame than Miley’s. Lady Gaga’s performance this year was equally as indecent as Miley’s, yet that is being ignored. Is Miley being continuously slandered because at one point in her life, 4 years ago, parents expected her to be a role model and bring up their children? If so, that is the fault of the parents, not Miley’s. A parent needs to be solely responsible for their children’s upbringing and must not rely on anybody else.
    You are also given a platform and you are using this to publicly bash another female for behaving in a way which, while does not hurt you, you do not deem acceptable. Are you teaching your daughter that it is okay to publicly humiliate another female just because you do not agree with her behavior? There are going to be several people your daughter encounters in her life who will behave in a different manner to herself, a manner which she may not agree with, is she now going to think it’s okay to publicly attack them? You could have sat your daughter down and explained why you thought Miley’s behavior was unacceptable but I find it difficult to understand the benefits anybody gets from openly ‘slut shaming.’ Are you teaching your daughter it’s okay to slut shame because it is really not. As a Mother you should realize that Miley’s behavior is a cry for attention, she is clearly going through a turbulent time and you should be sensitive to that and not publically embarrass her even more than she has embarrassed herself.

    • Did you read the entire post or just he headline? The post is not a Miley bash; it is using her behavior as a teachable example, and believe me, Miley and her camp don’t give two flips about what I think.

  112. Oh Hun I so applaud your efforts and I have to say being a parent is anything but easy. Good for you for publicly posting your point of view.

    Spanking is not beating or abuse even though I did not spank my child much at all because I was an abused child. People don’t understand or know what they haven’t experienced.

    I will say this to all that blogged. Don’t be so quick to judge Miley’s parents because I raised with love, strict guidance on what was right and wrong, strong work ethics (you don’t get anywhere in life unless you work for it) and to have faith in God. My children never had to worry about their mother having their back when they were right and knew we were going to discuss it when they were wrong. We were a military family which is tough in itself because you don’t always get to choose the influences and you don’t live near any kind of family to help.

    Once the kids turn 18 they can go off the deep end and dismiss all or everything you taught them and dive right in to what not to do. My 18 year old did this with a young Airman and acts happy now but her future is what I am concerned about. She left cleaning out one side of my house when we were at work, gauged her ears, left church, and we found out later she had been married two days prior!

    Seems to me Miley is basically a girl acting out and telling the world she isn’t a goody two shoes and can do whatever she wants. As a mother I see a self destructive young lady and it makes me sad. To me she is telling her parents and everyone else I don’t need you I can be and do what I want. Its sad to me very sad and I am sure she is being misled by the industry that doesn’t have her best interest in heart. All I am saying to the haters of parents with out of control kids. The parents are usually embarressed and shocked. I know I feel like all my hard work and sacrifice was for nothing sometimes. But I am told they come around in time.

    • Thank you so much for sharing your story. I’m so sorry to hear about what you’re going through. Please take comfort in knowing that you did the right things for your daughter. Your hard work and sacrifice created a framework in your daughter’s heart. It’s still in there, but other forces are hiding it. I can’t imagine your heartbreak, but I firmly believe there is hope. Prayers and hugs.

  113. Stop judging. Start thinking, This person sold her childhood to Disney, who took advantage of irresponsible parents to make s**t loads of money for themselves. If you consumed her ‘entertainment’ you are complicit in what I consider was practically child abuse. No when surprise it all falls apart. At least this time she’s exploiting herself.

    • Well some girls want to be actresses. She chose to be Hannah and she too made a good deal of money. She is not exploiting herself- she knows exactly what she is doing and what she wants to achieve- she is shaming herself.

  114. I personally don’t agree. Sure be angry with the girl because she is having fun? There is a difference between reality and fiction. I would not and I have not personally allowed myself growing up or my children to think of entertainers as role models. They aren’t they get paid to act which is a fictional character like Hannah Montana. You should encourage your daughter to have real role models like her parents or people who have more to offer her life when she grows up. You see everyone wants to blame someone for what might happen but growing up my parents taught me the difference and my role models weren’t some fictional portrayal of someone on tv because i knew at the end of the day that wasn’t their name and they go home and live their ACTUAL lives which we outsiders know nothing about and no news source or blog can fill is on truthfully. So the VMAs have been this way since i can remember and if kids aren’t old enough to differentiate between real and acting they shouldn’t watch. You can’t protect your kids from everything but you can steer them in the right direction and giving them
    Common sense to start with is all. Can’t be mad at someone for doing their “job” and in that profession attention is everything no one knows who you are the less they care less about you and your career tanks so they go on a limb for their “career” in real life they may not take such huge risks but that’s what should be taught to children like it was taught to me reality and fiction and that’s why I’m not mad because I know she’s JUST an entertainer and is growing up and finding herself and maybe doing the type of music she loves not what she’s paid and told to do Hannah is over. But hey can’t tell anyone how to raise their kid but I simply find it crazy for people to find someone else to blame and celebrities are always an easy target.

    • Preach. I agree with you. Entertainers should never be role models and we separate the entertainer from their humanity. That only makes it easier for them to behave that way–because we don’t think of them as people.

    • All of us are examples to others. Like it or not, if one is in the public eye, one has potential to be more influential with the way they conduct themselves in all aspects of life. Our demeanor and choice of conduct on and off the clock demonstrate who we are and set examples for others around us. That is just the way it is. A job is not a valid shield to hide behind when behaving poorly.

  115. Woww Amazingly written. hopefully one day when I have children I will be able to read this with them and show them what a concerned mom will do to make her kids stay on the right side, and show them they don’t need to flash or twerk for them to be recognized. They are beautiful when they do good things like charity and just by having good morals.

    THANK YOU KIM !!!!

  116. I feel that people should leave Miley alone. She is not a little girl any more. she is expressing herself in the way she wants. The more you try to shelter her children, the more they will rebel! I had strict parents but managed to still sneak out and have sex.! The people who write stuff like this end up having kids act that way. It’s Karma. Honestly if my mom said I couldn’t dance a certain way, i still would and take the beating just to prove I will become who I want to.

  117. There is a huge difference between being respected and being liked… and yet, it’s being liked that young girls like Miley aspire to.

    I’m a woman in my mid-20s, and I have my parents to thank for not turning into a train-wreck. They not only made sure that I learned to respect myself and others, but they led by example; yes, theirs was often tough love, but I (and my 2 younger sisters) are so much better for it.

    It’s unfortunate that little girls today don’t have strong female role models in popular culture- the only women we hear about in the entertainment business are the Keshas and Lady Gagas of the world: drug-addled attention whores with very little talent and even less modesty.

    I don’t have or want any kids of my own. But I have an adorable little niece, who is only a year old (and the apple of Auntie’s eye, of course), and I can only hope that she’ll grow into a strong, empowered woman, with class and dignity. All little girls deserve that chance.

    • Why do you assume that Miley doesn’t respect herself? Behaving in a way that you don’t approve of doesn’t mean she doesn’t respect herself.

      I would think that people that only behave in order to please other people or recieve their approval probably respect themselves less than the people who just think “this is who I am, this is what I want to do, I don’t care what others think.”

      Additionally, Kesha and Lady Gaga are successful women who support equal rights and in the case of Lady Gaga, are critically praised for their music. To suggest that young girls shouldn’t strive to be like them is ridiculous. A person can look up to someone and think “I don’t want to dress like them but I want to take charge of my career like them.”

  118. My Daughters grew up with Hannah Montana /Miley Cyrus Its really sad that she has become this and no one stopped it!! She has accomplished what she set out to do…And That is have everyone talking about her and her music! Our society is to blame…. with glorifying reality TV show stars and when someone becomes famous for sex tapes and has her own reality show and clothes line and a role model ? What is wrong with us!! We need to just make sure we always talk to our kids that is the bottom line!!

  119. I understand that in our society we find it very easy to blame and focus on what women do in any sexually inappropriate way (or what we personally think is inappropriate), but why is the focus of that moment only on Miley Cyrus? Has no one paid attention to the song that Robin Thicke was singing? Has anyone watched the video for that song? I’m guessing with the way the focus is only on what Miley was doing at the VMA’s that you who think she was the only inappropriate person on that stage would blame all the naked women in that video. Or maybe just blame women in general for existing to make men write lyrics like that.

    • I heard the song. I never liked him. He is filthy, and this is not the worst song/performance he’s ever done. I can’t believe he let that girl rub against him like that. He is married. That shows a lack of respect for his wife. But at the same time, that is their relationship. I just don’t listen to his music.

      Lady Gaga went to the VMAs in her drawers. Literally. No one is complaining about that. I mean she was just sitting there in her bra and a thong. And everyone is talking about Miley, when the whole courtroom is out of order.

  120. Miley is a human being. Living, breathing, needing love and affirmation just like every other human being on the planet. Since the VMAs we have demoralized her by taking her name and making it synonymous to demeaning adjectives, as if Miley Cyrus isn’t a name but rather a characteristic or state of being; and a negative trait at that. She is more than one moment on that one stage. Let’s not hold her to who she was in that moment, but instead let’s pray for her heart. Pray for her future. Pray for the people that surround her – that they would build her up, affirm her, care for her, motivate her, challenge her and love her. If it was your daughter on that stage, you wouldn’t post a blog about it using your daughter as a defining example of what is wrong with a society. You wouldn’t even do any of the things you joked about in your post. It’s evident you care for your daughter and want the best for her so I expect you would confront her, in loving kindness, and pray for her heart. Miley’s the same. Love her the same.

  121. Amazing! If I had a daughter of read this to her. I don’t think anyone in there right mind looked at that performance and said ‘she’s confident’ no it was the opposite shes just an insecure little girl.

  122. Being a girl around Miley’s age I can almost understand why she had acted this way recently…but on the other hand she is this young women, with the ability to influence SO many lives. She could be teaching her younger fans SO MUCH and they would still have the RESPECT for her.

    I can’t wrap my mind around how you can have as much social media influence as she does, and use it for this.

    I am on neither side here, I think Miley was wrong to take this approach at the VMA’s, when millions of people, including some very young ones, were watching.

    I am not agreeing with all these people slut shaming her, and disgracing her. She is an adult( yes everyone, Hannah Montana grew up, as did her music, style and adittude!) she made this choice herself. You can shame her, disgrace her, insult her all you want…but you are ultimately giving her the attention she craves either way.

    I’ve come to think of this Miley Cyrus outrage as having many sides.

    You have the moms, trying desperately to teach their daughters NOT to be like Miley Cyrus.

    You have the media, and all it’s outlets, rubbing Miley in your face, talking about her on every news station, plastering her performance on magazine covers…

    And you have these young children, and middle schoolers….they get all these mixed messages. Their moms pound into their heads that Miley is bad, but how can she be bad? She’s famous, she’s Hannah Montana, she’s on our TV’s, and posters in your daughters room. Your teenager idolizes her. Your daughter has seen every episode of Hannah Montana countless times. To them she will always be somebody to look up to.

    You can not control everything. Miley is growing up, and mistakes are going to be mad. You can hide the magazines, turn off the TV and be a drill Sargent to your children. But maybe you just need to believe that your children will grow up to be decent, self respecting people. (Most of them do!)

      • Thank you!
        I just feel that things like these need to be looked at from multiple angles. It’s pretty clear that most people commenting are more or less concerned about the effect that this will have on children. I’m only 19, children are still out of the question for me…but as a child who grew up watching Miley Cyrus(Hannah Montana) and an older sibling to many young ones, and extended family, that was what I was concerned about. The thing is though, this is what society is becoming. Things like Miley’s performance are just going to become more and more common, and maybe worse. I think you just need to trust that your raising your children to know better. You’ve taught them right and wrong, now it’s their job to choose if they want to go down that path it not.

  123. I don’t really disagree with your premise, but your many references to physical violence are a little troublesome.Some of us can raise self-respecting children without knocking them on their ass. Also, FYI, not to be a proofreading Pollyanna or anything but you might want to correct this: “shut so your tongue doesn’t hangout”, which should read “hang out”.

    • Thanks for catching my typo. Oops. That was embarrassing.

      I hope you understand that I was speaking tongue-in-cheek regarding hurting my child. I would never physically hurt someone who is infinitely valuable and precious to me.

  124. I take issue with the idea that there is a certain way respectable women are supposed to act in public. Women’s behavior is already policed so much by a value system which praises her for being sweet and modest while condemning her for having any expression of her sexuality or interest in her own physical pleasure. It’s not helpful to young women to reiterate these ideas because it feeds into the notion that unless a woman plays by the rules of this (very patronizing) game, she is then to blame should she be victimized by a man. In other words, although I’m sure this isn’t your intention, what you say about ladies needing to behave certain ways in public is a slippery slope to then claiming a woman who is raped somehow deserved it because she wore a short skirt. You may think I’m bringing in an extreme example, but your extreme rhetoric regarding what you might do to your daughter (although said in jest) encourages me to point out the link between shaming a woman for behaving in a way you might find tasteless and then also blaming a woman for being attacked by a man. I would hope that you might support your daughter in developing the strength to question the notion that she needs to behave one way or another (as defined by whether or not it will rouse the behavior of men) within a society that already expects women to take the back seat on so many issues that matter towards their success in life (like control over their reproductive health and the ability to earn an equal wage). Unless you’re willing to say that men also should repress all expressions of sexuality in public, the double standard you are proposing for your daughter is really not helpful. It just serves to reinforce the idea that women live in a man’s world, where the rules set by men are the rules a woman must follow.

    • as far as the letter is concerned, it didn’t say anything about blaming women for being attacked. It told her daughter very plainly that she is better than acting like a stripper for a thousand people.

        • No, she didn’t really. Her points are valid. She did not say that it’s appropriate to behave in a vulgar way in public or that mothers shouldn’t teach their daughters self-respect. She said that it’s not fair to slut-shame the woman while giving the man a pass. Slut-shaming is a serious problem which starts with something like this and builds up to blaming a woman for being raped. This is the point I interpret Alice to have made, and it’s pertinent to any discussion about this whole VMA incident.

          • Yes. That was my point. I left out some steps in the argument. It goes like
            1. you set up a set of double standards for behavior that require girls to be more modest than boys
            2. specific girl behaves in a way that is similar to a boy
            3. something bad happens to girl from a boy who doesn’t respect her
            4. she is blamed for the incident.
            This is how rape-culture sustains itself and slut-shaming is part of it. So, I was trying to point out that when you say things like “teach your daughter to behave like a Lady” you should make sure that definition of “Lady” isn’t a set of rules that you aren’t also applying to boys.

      • Agreed. This had nothing to do girls being blamed for attacks. It has to do with how anyone with a proper upbringing (be it male or female) should behave in society. Being vulgar shouldn’t be something that should be praised and their is nothing wrongwith condemning vulgar behalf.

      • The letter didn’t say anything about an attack but it did state that a girl who behaves provocatively in front of the boys in her school will only be used for her body and then discarded. I’m not saying this wouldn’t and doesn’t happen to girls. I’m just pointing out the double standard. And I’m also pointing out that if you reinforce the idea that girls are supposed to behave in one given way (as in, don’t raise the boys’ cockles lest they label you a slut), you’re ceding to this double standard.

    • Ma’am as I think that the mother is purely referring to miley cyrus as compared to the man that miley is grinding because her daughter does not look up to the man. I will add in this case, no one is being raped if fact these sexual acts are entirely consensual and on television. I quote “shaming a woman for behaving in a way you might find tasteless ” I think everyone would agree that those actions are tasteless and flaunting. Honestly those types of acts are acts that might urge my little brother to watch porn or disrespect women, possibly leading him and others to a more likeliness to rape a woman. Unfortunately I think you are getting it all wrong. I as a woman have been disrespected by men. I let them disrespect me and I acted similarly to my role models like miley cyrus and brittany spears. I also listened to women similar to yourself telling me that living sexually was a liberating thing, 1.) May you answer who set the standard that people should act on their and express their sexual urges in public? as you say ..2.) We live in a world together with love.From the sounds of it I feel as if you may be a little feminist and would prefer it to be a woman’s word vs. a harmonious and equal world. 3.) Fortunately no one was talking about rape here, so yes that was offensively extreme. I would like to agree with you in this sense, the fact that there is rape going on and the fact that people watch porn are very poor moments in our culture. It is very sad and should be considered reckless and should be outed with a fight by the people that do respect one another enough. I believe that there is enough love for each other and the abused innocents for us to put our energy together to stop the madness. I also hope to pull your ear on this one, just as the previous acts of disrespect on woman are rotten and shameless so are the acts of all of the musical artists on stage for the VMAs including miley cyrus. Her lyrics and attitude was also very disrespectful of her self and her body as both are beautiful, valuable and deserving of great respect. Don’t you agree? (: If only we could work together to make sure everyone is getting as much love and respect as they deserve! That goes for you! That goes for me! That goes for miley cyrus! That goes for this woman’s daughter! This goes for everyone! Equally for men! Amen. This is not my own but Jesus Christ’s word. God-made man and he loves each one of us and wants the very best for all, me and you both. So it is unarguable that this culture has some serious respect issues, we have a lot of work to do! But with you and I and the mother and God, we can reverse this madness! Amen? I wish you much love and that you never have to deal with such a travesty as rape. I also hope that everyone does not follow in the footsteps of Miley in itemizing herself but instead takes her hand with love and compassion so that she will once again love herself in the true means not sexually. For sexuality is only awesome and with God in Marriage and should not be something that is made to look like someone’s strong feature because I know that deep in Miley is greater qualities than her body. I also know that the man on stage has much greater qualities that he should have expressed. The kids, myself included, thats right I am 17 years old, need real rolemodels of character instead of willingness to get naked or willingness to have a girl have my age twerk on him, I wish you great blesses of virtue and with many prayers being sent your way!

    • Alice, I think you missed the point here.

      Guess what? This is actually the kind of conversations you will have with your daughter. You eventually get to sound like your mother–even though you swear you won’t! I would like to hear how you would teach your above ideas to a middle school daughter. That sounds like an adult conversation. All you can really do is lead by example and limit her exposure. Yes, limit. Which is absurdly difficult these days.

      Come back and comment on this when you have a tween/teen daughter. Parenting is the hardest job you will ever do. Your urge to protect your child will outweigh every other feeling you have, and you will be appalled at how much trash you will be up against.

      I am an educated, moderate, mostly religious woman who was taught to act with manners, class and dignity in public. I am raising my high school daughter to do the same, and surprisingly, she has turned out to be an intelligent, strong and capable young woman who holds true to her morals.

      In fact, it was my daughter who brought this story to my attention. She, who grew up with Miley from the beginning, watching every Hannah Montana episode, buying her music and screaming as a fan at her concerts, was disgusted after watching the VMAs. Yeah! I must be doing something right.

      So ask yourself: Would you stand up and applaud if your daughter performed like this on national television? (Shame on Tish Cyrus!)

      I know that I never want my daughter to act like this. NEVER.

      • I wouldn’t want my daughter behaving this way either! But possibly not for the same reason. What I saw was someone exploiting specific aspects of a black sub-culture (twerking) to get a rise out of the audience. I’m not sure if you’ve seen other threads on the internet, but there are lots of African Americans who are really angry about her performance for totally different reasons. So, my big concern is that Kim implies in her letter to her daughter that if she behaves provocatively, if she caves to the peer pressure amongst her girlfriends to flaunt her stuff, she will be branded a slut and discarded by the boys at her school. This, IMO, is a subtle form of slut-shaming. Which I sincerely doubt Kim was intending. It was something I picked up on in the letter because I am sensitive to hearing labels like “whore”, “prostitute”, etc. thrown at young girls. Thrown at any girl!! And yes, I expect when I have a teenage daughter, it will be hell to make sure she doesn’t embarrass herself in public!! Thanks for your reasoned response.

    • The best way for a women know what is considered respectable in public (Barring Events and the Beach)…Business casual, You can still look sexy (Even in a Pant Suit), but in a way that will make you look confident and mature. Women are perfectly capable of expressing their sexuality without degrading themselves. You will attract The right kind of attention in both your Workplace, and Love life and find that people take professional appearance on a person a bit more seriously. Always treat people well and hold your head with pride, Speak your mind, with respect to the other person. Do not think that you CANNOT do something, Always give it a try first, You may learn new skills that will help you as you grow through life and But also be honest with yourself when you cannot, and turn that energy to something that makes you HAPPY. When you run into opposition based on your sex REALIZE that they cannot force you to back down, prove them that you CAN do it and shatter their perceptions by not giving up and succeeding. But also be true to yourself, Don’t let others pressure you into doing something you feel in your heart to be wrong. We as females are raised to expect men to behave like gentlemen around us. Is it to much to ask for us to behave like Ladies around them? Life can be Crap and full of hell, But remember this Quote as you go through life…

      “People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.
      If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.
      If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway.
      If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway.
      What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway.
      If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway.
      The good you do today, will often be forgotten. Do good anyway.
      Give the best you have, and it will never be enough. Give your best anyway.
      In the final analysis, it is between you and your God. It was never between you and them anyway.” – from Mother Teresa’s wall –

      Never give up bettering yourself because Face it, Everything you own and have can be taken from you at the drop of a hat. Your friends can dump you, your love will leave you, etc…. No one can take Knowledge away from you, and knowledge will provide for your future. Your knowledge and life can only be controlled by the opposite sex if YOU let it.

    • In response to Alice Baker,

      I believe that you are completely off base with your take on this open letter from a mother to her daughter and your comments to be rather “snarky”. As parents, it’s our job to set boundries, and teach morals and values to our children. Frankly we are seeing the first hand fruits what happens when no boundaries are set regardless of whether the person is male or female. Would you be proud of your daughter grinding on adult size teddy bears, shaking her butt in some guy’s face, hanging her tongue out making sexual gestures with it, using a foam sports hand to make herself look like she has a penis and pretend to be fornicating on stage in front of millions of viewers? Do you believe that to be appropriate public behavior for anyone male or female? I believe that the majority of parents out there are very much in alignment as to what we want to teach our children about respecting themselves as well as others and what we saw on the VMAs Sunday night was NOT it! As far as Robin Thicke’s behavior on stage, it paled in comparison to Miley Cyrus’ deplorable display. It is not respressing our children sexually to expect there is a certain standard of behavior to be held to in a public arena. We are not saying that if a woman wears a short skirt it’s her fault if she becomes a victim of rape. You are completely convoluting the real point with extraneous scenarios that have nothing to do with good parenting. If you believe these values to be too conservative and restrictive then I guess that is your own opinion which you are free to have. However if you have a son or daughter, it is my opinion that you are doing them a great disservice if you believe what happened with Miley Cyrus was an appropriate “expression of her sexuality or interest in her own physical pleasure”. Kudos to you Kim for having the strength of character to say what many parents are feeling!” Now may I be politcally incorrect by saying, May God Bless you for standing up for what is right! “Yes you heard it right!, I used the the “G” word!” Christine Marlow

      • Christine,
        Sorry if I cam across as snarky. I just graduated with a Master’s from UC Berkeley so I can get a little uppity sometimes!! (ha!) I wouldn’t be proud of my daughter if she gave a performance like Miley’s. I can’t say specifically which values Kim is espousing which may be too conservative for me as I don’t know her. My general point is that if you’re going to address appropriate behavior in public with your children, don’t set up a double standard. The double standard is a big problem in our culture and I really think it holds back humanity women and men. It makes it easier for men to be let off the hook and it makes it harder for women to demand equality. So, just set the standard you think is appropriate and hold it to be the same for both genders.

    • Alice, I understand what you’re saying here and I agree: We spend a lot of time telling women they should be more ‘ladylike’ and that using their sexuality somehow ‘cheapens’ them – why aren’t we giving men the same message? Why is it worse when women do it? Robin Thicke was up on the same stage singing some really quite offensive lyrics (I liked that Blurred Lines song a lot until I actually read the lyrics, which are at best misogynistic and at worst downright rapey) – but somehow 99% of the commentary about the performance is about Miley’s antics.

      Until we apply the same standards to both sexes, we’re going to continue to have a gender-based power imbalance – and that is, in fact, a slippery slope to things like rape.

      (And just to be clear: Yes, I have a daughter, I definitely would not want her to emulate Miley Cyrus or look up to her as a role model, and I prefer my pop stars to be a little more like Adele. Yes, @HannahRuth, I know the piece doesn’t explicitly say anything about blaming women for being attacked – but that’s what happens when women internalize the male-centered message that sex appeal = power. No, @KateDeVos, Alice hasn’t missed the point – she’s merely suggesting that when we shame women for behaviour that we don’t shame men for, we perpetuate the problem.)

      • Yes, this was my point. That you can’t just shame one gender. Miley’s behavior was extreme and has evoked extreme responses. I completely agree that parents need to show their children what is and isn’t appropriate to do in public. Just make sure the message is the same for your boys and your girls.

    • I noticed you said we can disgrace her. No Miley did that all by herself. As for the mean things that were said she brought that on herself too. If the local prostitutes stood on the street corners and did what she did they would be arrested but Many many American’s minds have become so filthy they applaud this kind of entertainment. If she wants to do a sex act she should have to do them the same places all the other sex acts are done…..in filthy sex dens, nuddie bars.

    • Well, I believe everyone missed the idea Alice was trying to convey. I may not agree w/ everything she was saying, but what I got from it is to let your daughter question & explore rather than just following suit.
      Now I understand that her example was a bit extreme. What I got from her saying a woman who wears a short skirt, is raped, & it being her fault in relation to the way a woman is supposed to act in public is: A woman needs to act & wear certain things in public in order not to provoke certain responses in already easily tempted men. Its an extreme way of getting that point across but I see where she’s coming from.
      What I understood from her response is that as a girl growing into womanhood you should question what is considered right & wrong in society. I have always been a contrary thinker. I have always asked “why should I do exactly like that?” Now, what I believe is a woman should act like a lady in public but I also believe in standing up for your beliefs. I’m not in any way condoning Miley. I thought it was a bit vulgar for my taste. Though, I do understand it was a form of expression. I don’t agree w/ the outlet she chose, since so many children could have been & probably were watching. Her sole demographic, maybe not so much anymore, is tweens. So I don’t agree w/ how she went about announcing her adulthood.
      I agree w/ Alice in the fact that I would let my daughter be who she wants to be. Not every girl will grow into a girlie girl lady. I agree certain lady like characteristics should be followed but maybe what I believe to be “lady like” is actually just being a decent, respectful human being, not necessarily to be just followed by woman. So when I said woman should act like a lady in public, I mean humans, male & female alike, should act respectable & decent to themselves & to others. What I’m, getting at is I’m not the girliest girl. I have always loved to play w/ toys for boys or working on technology, taking it apart & putting back together. I haven’t always kept my composure in public & I have myself questioned why I have to act a certain way in public all because I am a woman. I believe I am a human being & some day I hope the line between man & woman can be erased. Instead of categorizing us all into two categories we should all be in one when it comes to interacting in public.
      In other words, men have to be MEN! & woman have to be “ladies.” If a man wants to cry let him cry. They’re human beings just like woman & w/ that comes emotions too. Women should stop being so delicate all the time. We’re just as capable as men. We can carry the heavy stuff just as easily. I mean all of this w/ the utmost respect & I hope no one sees this as an attack or criticism. It is just how I feel & I did like the underlying message Alice was saying. Thanks for reading! Have an amazing day! 😀

    • What an attitude. You are mistaken. Some woman CHOOSE to live in a man’s world. If you act like a decent HUMAN YOU WILL BE TREATED DECENT. You don’t see many men putting on shows as sexual in content as Miley Cyrus. WHY ???? Because men have enough respect for their bodies and reputation than to parade around like she did. Men don’t demand woman to act in such a way. Woman CHOOSE TO ACT THAT WAY. You talk about a lot of “stuff” but these are part of your words, ” having any expression of her sexuality”. Woman for the most part are treated as they act. My common decency tells me to express my sexuality in PRIVATE. Have you ever heard of discretion ??? Have you ever thought that modesty makes you appear more HUMAN. Let woman follow the men’s example and stop parading around in front of all America and CHILDREN sticking things between our legs and hunching stuffed animals. Next you’ll say sex with animals is OK and an expression of a woman’s “sexuality. She was hunching stuffed animals but next she’ll bring a real animal into her sex act for all of America to watch and smile and show her glowing teeth and wink and people like you will say, “That’s ok. She’s expressing her sexuality.” ABSURD !!!!

      • Totally agreed!! I am a human who deserves equality. I don’t want someone else telling me what is and isn’t appropriate based on outmoded ideas of what is lady-like. Her performance was ridiculous. And she shouldn’t have done it in front of kids. But she should not be judged any more harshly than we would judge a man.

    • Alice there is a big difference between expressing your sexuality and being comfortable with yourself and being vulgar in public. There is a time and place for everything. What she did was vulgar. My 13 year old was watching and said to me “Mom she is gross.” My daughter loves music and grew up watch her show we even went to see her movie. Thank god my daughter knows the difference between expressing yourself and just being down right nasty. There was nothing remoting creative about that performance and it was blantly not about be comfortable with her sexuality. To me it looked like a little girl desperately crying out for help.

      • ha! i love the fact that your daughter said “gross” to describe the performance. i kept thinking about how her tongue was white and how she didn’t brush her teeth. maybe i was imagining things. i made an extreme point because i wanted people to stop and question the rules they define for women versus men and just consider whether or not attacking miley was attacking her for being a woman and for displaying sexuality (even if it was over the top) in a way that you might not attack a man for the same type of performance. i’m not sure if she was crying out for help. i think she was making a calculated business move to remain relevant. which she probably doesn’t need to do as she has a good voice. i think her problem is that she doesn’t know how to dance. so she’s running out of options when coming up against other female artists who have more interesting stage acts.

        • Well I guess perhaps she got her wish if she wanted to stay relevant. Everyone is talking about her but how long is that going to last… and now they say that her finance is even disgusted. So her “performance” and I use the word lightly will most likely have far reaching implications. And as an FYI my daughter isn’t a fan of Robin Thicke either but she also didn’t grow up with him as a role model so I guess he is less on her radar. Personally he is just as gross. If you can’t sell you music on talent and have to act like a street walker or stripper perhaps you need to find another line of work.

    • Mr. Thicke should be held accountable for his participation in this lewd public exhibition. It was lewd. Miley has cultivated a certain image over the years for herself, and I understand how she might want to break away from that image, but doing this kind of exhibition on public television is not the way. It was demeaning to herself and to Alan Thicke. He is as much if not more to blame since he is the older in this situation and should know better. It’s not just this performance that makes me frightened for the girl. She has confessed to sleeping around and taking drugs. Fame is a two edged sword if you’re not careful. What you have to do to get it, and what you have to do to keep it. The people I truly feel for are her parents and family. It’s difficult to see someone you love with all your heart heading down a path that can lead them into trouble. I watched the video only once to see what all the fuss was about. It was like seeing someone I didn’t recognize. Someone hollow and empty. It felt like a real death of innocence. And I think that this is what this is truly about. We mourn the sweet image we had of her. It made me sad.

    • I think people are tossing their anger at Miley because she was the one on stage who is looked up to by thousands of young fans. The man on stage is older, and his music is directed towards an older age group. It’s deemed more acceptable in this case.

      The problem here is that Miley went from Hannah-Montana-amazing-role-model SO quickly, it’s like a culture shock in a sense. These young girls are still idolizing her as Hannah Montana, hanging posters on their walls, etc. When that isn’t who Miley is anymore, she passed that phase of her life, but sadly she landed in a not so decent one.

    • Yes and that man acted more decent than Miley did. You didn’t see him hunching stuffed animals and putting fake fingers between his legs. Don’t try to flip the script…Miley Cyrus was the disgusting one on that stage.

      • Dear Mother, your threats of violence are far worse than Miley’s expression of frustration from her childhood of adults telling her “No!” and how to look, where to go, what to do, etc. Your worldview cannot just be fitted over isolated examples like sweat pants. While your intentions are good, your execution is, quite frankly, upsetting. Best of luck to you and your daughter.

          • Ms Keller, thank you. I am 22 and about to get married, and while I wasn’t always perfect, you said exactly what my mother did and said over and over again. Your daughters will grow to know self respect and the men who treat them with real love and respect.

            And anyone who said you are “violent”, never had a good mother/father who tanned their hide daily.

            Much respect and love from Georgia.
            H

  125. It is very sad that our society has sunk to this level of depravity.
    Feel sorry for young Miley Cyrus, who obviously hasn’t had anyone teach her to respect herself. Don’t excuse her behaviour because she is young. She is old enough to understand that some behaviours are not acceptable in polite society. But feel sorry for her because no one cares enough about her to teach her self-respect and modesty. Feel sorry for her because she is reportedly proud of the attention this program gave her.

    Feel disappointed with Robin Thicke for participating in this flagrant pornographic display on television. It has turned his “hit song of the summer” into an expression of vulgarity. (Anyone else notice that it isn’t getting as much play since the show?) It would have been a simple act to just stand up straighter and shift his weight to his rear leg when she was grinding her behind into his crotch, but he chose to stay there and be a part of her ugly, degrading behaviour. Shame on you Robin! I hope your wife teaches you something about respect so next time you’ll know better, if there is a next time. Frankly, if you ever do anything like that again, you’ll lose ALL my respect, not just the disappointment I now feel for you.

    Lastly, feel ANGRY with the television networks whose programs, news flashes, commentaries continually replay the disgraceful performance as often as they can under the guise of “reporting” reaction. These programs are capitalizing on the notoriety that her disgusting behaviour has generated. Where are the censors who determine what can be shown on public television and what age groups can view it? What happened to the ratings that determine what is appropriate for younger audiences? What happened to the warnings before programs that let parents know this might not be appropriate for younger children? Why are all the rules thrown out the window under the guise of “news”? Heck, even on the news reports we get warnings that what is coming up might be too graphic for some viewers!

    Start to demand a higher standard of performance from the television networks that rake in millions of dollars by promoting this kind of lewd, disgusting behaviour that is better suited to a strip parlour or men’s club. Stop patronizing networks that have no respect for your family values. Hit them where it hurts. Express your outrage. Do whatever you have to do to demonstrate to YOUR children that this is not acceptable.

    • I agree with everything you said. There is no full excuse for her behavior, but she didn’t get there on her own. No friends or close adults have taken her by the arm and said, “Honey, chill. You’re beautiful. You’re talented. You’re worthwhile. Now stop, because you’ll regret this. You don’t need this false adoration.” It’s very difficult growing up a female in this day and age. We are still seen as sex symbols or as failures as making it as sex symbols. It’s one or the other. We are still taught every day to degrade ourselves for the attention of others, but especially men. And there are plenty of men out there who foster that, including fostering it in their own daughters. Do they tell their daughters to be such a way? No, but we notice how they view and treat women who aren’t their daughters.

      Robin Thicke is too old to have allowed this child (and we all know ourselves at that age was still pretty much childhood) to act that way on his junk. I hope his wife slapped his face when he got home. I would have been horrified. Not out of jealousy, but out of his lack of self-respect.

      Miley’s true friends, if she has any, and her parents ought to rally around her before she goes beyond the point of no return.

      • I think that was the point of her letter-she has never had anyone whether it be her parents or someone of authority tell her that her behavior was wrong.

        But what I do find funny is she knows how to get attention even if it is with bad behavior.The letter writer might have good intentions but like everyone else that is condemning Miley they are just feeding into the attention whoring she does when they write letters like this or make comments about how shocked they are, The best way to make an annoying person go away is to just ignore them. When you give her the time of day by criticizing what she does you are no better than the media you accuse of promoting her antics by giving her coverage.

    • Sal, I agree with what you said but, have you not seen Robin Thicke’s video for Blurred Lines? That video (the original unrated one which you can easily find on YouTube) is far worse than Miley’s performance. I do not in any way condone her performance or the way she chooses to dress and act, but you seem to think that this was an isolated incident for Robin. It’s not. Really listen to his lyrics and watch his last two music videos. They’re gross. Blurred Lines has women dancing practically naked (and I say “practically” because the only thing they were wearing was a skimpy thong) and they all look around Miley’s age. I find it odd that you say, “Feel disappointed with Robin Thicke for participating in this flagrant pornographic display on television” when his music video is pretty much porn.

  126. As the father of a 5 year old girl who doesn’t want their daughter growing up to be a devil worshiping slut I applaud you! I notice the only ones criticizing you for calling out this talentless low life are brain dead generation Y brats. Big surprise there they’ve been raised to be a morally bankrupt generation with no taste or appreciation for real art whatsoever.

    • I’m married, I own 3 businesses. Instead of accepting wedding gifts I asked my guests to donate to a scholarship that I created in the name of my recently deceased grandmother, to send kids to university. We raised $5000 from our guests and are matching every dollar. I own my own house and I’m 29 years old. I’m a brain dead Generation Y Brat just because I disagree with your point of view?

      Generalizations are rampant on this page and are largely unfounded. I too agree that the Miley/Robin dance was uninteresting and a bit much, however feel that even jokingly suggesting you will tape your daughters mouth shut, hit a stranger, and smack your daughter to the floor is not funny. If you want your daughter to act respectfully treat them with respect, educate them, let them understand the risks, and why you don’t like something, then let them make their own mistakes.

    • Excuse me… I’m part of Generation Y (the very beginning of Generation Y) and do not for one instant think that her behavior was okay. I find it to be more likely people who are criticizing this post, those who do not yet have daughters and if they do, I feel sorry for their daughters being brought up without morals or self esteem that they feel the need to flaunt themselves in such a way to gain attention. I have almost 4 kids (due any day with my 2nd son) ages 11 boy, 8 girl and 20 month old girl. Don’t think for an instant this kind of behavior will be exposed to my children, we homeschool and this is hugely a major reason why.

  127. Kim-I just read through this post on your blog-wow-what a lot of feedback you have been given! I appreciate your point of view. Many of the comments have been directed towards the threat of spanking-people sure can miss the point of abuse can’t they. Abuse is defined as miss using something or using something in a way other than it was intended for-I have 6 daughters and 4 sons-there has been some butt smacking in this house-that being said-I feel the true abuse of a child is to NOT instill in them the morals and the ability to love themselves, and respect themselves and others. Just because you can doesn’t mean you should.. Miley Cyrus and Robin Thicke made some very poor decisions, and because of who they are-it was broadcast world wide, that is the price of stardom. I remember back in the day, when Madonna was a teen and how everyone was in an uproar because she was wearing a bustier as part of her costume, now we have gone done the road to implied sexual acts. We are the “grown ups” in our children’s lives. We need to stand up now-because tomorrow will be worst if we do nothing. I think you are right on. I could not watch all of her performance, stopped after the foam finger, I did not allow my children to watch it either, all the ones over 18 have their agency to act as they please, All we can do as parents is try to raise our children to be better citizens then we are-to feel empowered to make changes for good-to realize they are more than the sum of their anatomy and that they are worth having limitations and standards. Keep on parenting the way you have blogged and your children will be the kind of people I would want my children to be around. Thank you again for your post.

  128. Don;t ever regret being tough with your kids. It’s definitely worth it in the end. You know you’ve done your job properly as a parents when your adult children are always thinking of the consequences of their actions. That’s the only way we’re going to have another generation of responsible individuals. It starts with love and your kids will know that and appreciate it. I truly believe they will be rewarded for it as well, as only good things can come from behaving responsibly.

    • THANK YOU, Eleanor for letting the rest of these individuals know what ‘spanking’ is all about. Abuse and spanking are different. Look at the teens and tweens today. I am only 27 but I can see a huge difference in society and my own children. It is very disconcerting.

  129. With all due respect. What Miley chose to do was self-degrading, obscene and wrong. But I fail to see how duct taping someone’s mouth shut, knocking them on their butt, and spanking them will cause her or anyone else to think they are worthy of any amount of respect. There is a definite fail here. But the remedy isn’t more disrespect.

  130. (sorry if this posts twice)

    This blog post is speaking of discipline not necessarily spanking. I was disciplined as a child and I realized very quickly that my behavior was wrong. My parents disciplined when it was needed and right then not after the count of 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, never. I see parents too many times not do anything or repeat over and over and over and over again that they are going to be so mad if such and such doesn’t do something right now and yet still do nothing as their child continues the behavior. Guess what, you’re doing it wrong. You create your own monster for the future, a disrespectful child with no regard to authority. The problem today is that parents’ hands are tied by the oversensitive, who treat our children as if they are too fragile for a stern talking to because they might have to end up in therapy for the rest of their lives. Give me a break. She is heading toward pulling a Lindsey Lohan, Britney Spears and an Amanda Bynes and guess what, her parents can’t do anything about it. They treated her as an adult when she wasn’t one and now that she is chronologically an adult she’s cracking up and they can’t do anything about because just like every other cracked up child star, she’s locked them out of her life. They won’t be able to do anything until she hits bottom when they have to go in and pick up the pieces and hope they can put her back together again. They created the monster we see in front of us but we perpetuate it. We thrive on it, we keep it in the headlines, we can see them crashing and burning and yet we still do nothing. All we can do is sit by and wonder how did it come to this as we eat our bag of popcorn.

  131. Wow! So many responses. I’ve not read them, but I absolutely agree with what you’ve said. I have 2 teen daughters, both lovely and brilliant and found the Miley performance to be just sad. What does bother me, however, is that all of the criticism is focused on Miley. Robin Thicke was a part of this whole debacle as well, yet rarely gets more than a passing mention. I find that to be wrong and sexist.

  132. This blog is speaking of discipline not necessarily spanking. People just don’t get it. I was disciplined as a child and I realized very quickly that my behavior was wrong, they disciplined when it was needed and right then, not after the count of 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, never. I see parents too many times not do anything or repeat over and over and over and over again that they are going to be so mad if such and such doesn’t do something right now and yet still do nothing, as their child continues the behavior. Guess what, you’re doing it wrong. You create your own monster for the future, a disrespectful child with no regard to authority. The problem today is that parents’ hands are tied by the oversensitive, who treat our children as if they are too fragile for a stern talking to because they might have to end up in therapy for the rest of their lives. Give me a break. She is heading toward pulling a Lindsey Lohan, Britney Spears and an Amanda Bynes and guess what, her parents can’t do anything about it. They treated her as an adult when she wasn’t one and now that she is chronologically an adult, she’s cracking up and they won’t be able to do anything until she’s hit rock bottom. The time when she becomes a child again and they have to pick up the pieces. I hope they try to stop that from happening before she does but it seems she’s locked them out, just like every cracked up child star has locked out their parents. I don’t doubt their love for her but they created what we see today and we perpetuate it. We thrive on it, we keep them in the spotlight and watch as they have public meltdowns, watch as they head closer and closer the edge of a cliff and yet still do nothing.

  133. Good writing. I would never have allowed my daughter to have acted like that in public or private. Stick to your guns. There has to be some moral direction from adults when behavior becomes that awful. Those that post against what you said, they need just as much moral guidance. Behavior like that is why “old people” do not watch TV any more, and why we don’t throw our money at that kind of entertainment.

  134. Best part:
    Why would I do that? Because I love you and I want you to respect yourself. Miley Cyrus is not edgy or cool or sexy. She’s a desperate girl screaming for attention: Notice me. Tell me I’m pretty. See how hot I am. I know all the guys want me. All the girls want to be me.

    You probably know girls who will emulate this behavior at the next school dance. Don’t do it with them. You are far too valuable to sell yourself so cheaply. Walk away. Let the boys gawk and know in your heart that they see only a body that can be used for their pleasure and then forgotten.

  135. People are completely and totally overreacting to Miley’s performance. This girl hasn’t done anything different than what millions of teenage girls every weekend when their parents aren’t looking. The only difference is Miley did it on TV for everyone to see. Teenage girls are a little more discreet, though not by much as plenty of their Instagram and Facebook pictures showcase. Here’s my advice to you Kim: have a PRIVATE one-on-one conversation with your daughter about this, and give her your thoughts ’cause you sound like a good mom and are aware of the power of personal conversations. Writing an open letter to your daughter for everyone to see honestly says more about you than it says about Miley when it comes to wanting attention. Something to think about.

    • Do it all the time. We had this particular conversation during our drive to school. An hour before I wrote the piece.

      My daughter knows I don’t communicate with her via open letters on the Internet. Granted, I do have to text her at times to get her to respond, but I generally avoid public social media as a way to share my thoughts with my kids. And yes, the letter does say a lot about me – I love my daughter, I am her mom and not her friend, and I find her to be an amazingly beautiful, wonderful, valuable human being who doesn’t need to resort to titillation to get attention from me or the world. Given the feedback, a lot of other parents feel the same way about their girls.

  136. It sad That there are posts justifying the over the top behavipr Miley displayed… its sad to see such a beautiful young lady act cheaply…. Unfortunately kids do see her and have followed her since her Disney days… Fortunately for our kids we can explain the difference between sexy and ronshy but how about those girls that have no one to explain that this display of dirty dancing (twerking) is not appropriate for a confident, smart, beautiful young lady..that doesn’t need to try to be accepted by a Moraly degrating society
    And I DOUBT Mileys father approves he is a christian man probably in a lot of pain over Mileys behavior we should all pray for her she just needs to know shes loved……

    • I love this blog. I have a 2 and a half year old daughter and just gave birth to our son and my husband and I BOTH plan on making sure Willow knows HOW to act but not be a stick in the mud, as well as teaching our son how to treat women and what NOT to expect from them right off the bat. I was raised by an old-school catholic great grandmother as well as a grandma and grandpa who let me do what I want, and then a great aunt who “raised me to be a lady” so I know how a young woman should and shouldn’t act. I had my “partying” time when I was 19 and it wasn’t for me.I kept with my “lady-like” actions as I saw women “twerking” on guys just to get attention… I am not an old hag either. I am only going to be 23 next month. I grew up with miley as hannah, and still listened to her even after she was done with disney channel. but what she did and how she acted in this situation was just disgusting. those weren’t just a few cool dance moves, and beyonce/rihanna have ALOT more class than that. all she was doing is acting like she can get away with this crap just because of who her daddy is and how good she was when she started. she has NO shame and for her that is NOT a good thing. for crying outloud, I know people who used to work at STRIP CLUBS with more class let alone the burlesque dancers I know of..

  137. Teaching your daughter to behave “like a lady” is the same sexist, republican crap we’ve been hearing since the beginning of time, and far more detrimental to your daughter’s self-esteem than a few saucy dance moves at an adult show she shouldn’t have been watching in the first place. There is no specific way for a “lady” to behave. We’re pressured enough as it is in this already heavily sexist culture. Women should do whatever the hell they feel like without having to fear ostracism, which, among other things, is something Miley did. People feel entitled to criticize her because she is a woman. Were she born with male genitalia, she’d be glorified, like the pigs behind “Blurred Lines”. I was raised by feminists. My parents taught me that my true power came from standing up for what was right and being myself, regardless of how others wanted me to behave. Miley wanted to arouse controversy, and she’s now more famous than ever. Why not try focusing on something important? Like replacing pseudopuritan behavior with teaching your daughter to be proactive in her sexuality? Teaching her that no means no, and actually preparing her for her teens in a meaningful way

    • True power is running a foam finger between your legs on a public stage. Yes, that’s why feminists fought so hard to get the right to vote, to earn equal pay for equal work with men, to stop sexual harassment in the workplace and to get the courts to finally view rape as an act of violence rather than just sex.

      I’ve been using my power wrong for all these years. All this time I wanted men to value for my mind!

      • actually, running the foam finger between your legs on a public stage is a version of this “true power” feminists have been fighting for. equality isn’t just about the right to vote and access to equal pay — it’s also about being able to choose for ourselves how we behave in public without the fear of being condemned as a “slut.” so anytime a woman denigrates another woman for an expression of her sexuality, she is essentially reaffirming the binary virgin/whore mindset which feeds into a set of expectations about how women “should” behave that is most definitely different than the expectations about a man’s behavior. i know it may seem like judging and shaming what you consider to be over the top vulgar isn’t anti-feminist. but insofar as that message implies that women have to conform to a certain code of behavior lest they should get a rise out of men, you’re basically ceding to the world that women aren’t allowed to have agency over their own bodies and the expression of their own sexual desire because men don’t respect women as their equals. as in, equally interested in sex. equally capable of desire. with equal access to express those feelings how a woman chooses to. sure, your daughter will probably be safer if she doesn’t parade around in her underwear. and that’s because we haven’t achieved a world where we unequivocally believe rape is rape. we still live in a world where we blame a woman for a man’s actions. so achieving the feminist goal of equality requires questioning attitudes which reinforce the notion that women must conform to a specific set of behaviors that won’t rouse men. because when you don’t question these attitudes, you’re ceding that the world isn’t safe for women and in a sense, you’re giving up on trying to make it safer by giving men a free pass. unless you want to start in on policing men’s behavior, too. in which case, be my guest!!! you may think i’m making a mountain out of a molehill but slut shaming is a really insidious aspect of our culture which does not further women’s equality. again, it’s fine if you feel both genders should behave within a code of conduct that is defined equally. but if you only apply these requirements to women, you’re reinforcing double standards and upholding the idea that women have to tailor their behavior to a man’s world. this is counter-productive towards achieving equality. imagine a world where a woman’s dress and public behavior provokes no reaction different to what that same behavior provokes coming from a man. this is the world feminism is aiming for and this is a world where singling out one gender for expressions of sexual desire because it’s not lady-like does not fit in. again, unless you’re going to make sure no man ever writes a song about liking sex, makes cat calls to the women around him, or makes lewd gestures in public. but i’m assuming you don’t have much faith in men’s ability to curtail this behavior. otherwise there wouldn’t be red flags going off in your mind at the thought of your daughter trying to evoke a sexual response by dancing on stage in her underwear. . . .

        • Since feminism is about our ability to choose for ourselves how to behave in public, I choose to behave like a lady. If Slut shaming is bad according to your definition of feminism, virtue shaming would be equally as bad.

          • Sorry. I wholeheartedly reject the idea that “virtue” includes ridiculing and judging other women for the decisions they make about their own bodies. I also reject the idea that I’m shaming your virtue. I’m not shaming you for virtue. I’m shaming you for perpetuating the idea that women who choose to express sexual desire should be ashamed of themselves. That they are attention-seeking idiots versus well-mannered ladies. Because it’s this dichotomous label that is so problematic.

            I’m really not trying to split hairs here. I totally respect that you don’t want your daughter to behave in a way that might get her hurt. But, making assumptions about girls who do behave in these ways and how they are ultimately going to be discarded and abandoned by boys their age (“Let the boys gawk and know in your heart that they see only a body that can be used for their pleasure and then forgotten”) reinforces ideas that girls who do choose to be sexually expressive or sexually active deserve to be thrown in the trash.

            In my mind this is a very serious assertion you are making. I recently read an interview with Elizabeth Smart regarding the experience she went through while being held captive. She talked about how growing up in a community which told her that her highest worth was in maintaining her virginity until marriage made it impossible for her to see herself as worthy of rescue after she had been raped by her captor. Asked why she didn’t leave when she had the chance, she stated that she truly believed no one would want her because she was no longer a virgin. That’s how deep her programming regarding what “good girls” do affected her. Ms. Smart has subsequently spoken out about the damaging effects of telling girls that they must value their chastity above all else has on female victims of sexual abuse. And I think it’s an important point to consider. In a world with a binary label of virtuous/slutty applied to girls, we do risk something. And it’s not just within the horrific context of sexual violence. It’s also in the context of an inner dialogue women carry around in themselves that sex and their sexual urges are shameful. Which I doubt you would want your daughter to carry with her. And I’m sure that is not your intention in wanting to discourage her from dancing around in her underwear.

            You sound like a good mom with a great sense of humor and I’m sure you will adequately prepare your daughter for being sexually active at a time when she is ready. I just hope you also won’t judge any of her friends who arrive at this place earlier than you might deem appropriate. Yeah, none of us want 15 year old girls having sex. But we also shouldn’t call them sluts if they do.

            That is all.

    • You talk like an idiot, blaming everything on the Republicans, just like your Socialist-leaning Pretender-in-Chief. If it wasn’t for Him and the Democrats in the Senate we wouldn’t be in the mess we are now. Welcome to the real world. We are about17 Trillion in debt and growing, rampant unemployment, record foreclosures, cities going bankrupt, political corruption and serious crimes reaching record highs, etc., etc.

      Regarding your views on the Miley Cyrus performance, your mention that you were raised by feminists should be all anyone needs to know about your opinions.

      I believe the increasing anti-Christian sentiment and the lack of concerned parental guidance and control are at the root of most of the problems facing us now, and have been steadily increasing since the 60s. We are on a slippery downhill slide towards Socialism/Marxism and citizens better wake up and begin to reverse that trend.

      As for Kim Keller, she has a right to her opinion just as you and I do and, in my opinion, she is exactly right.

      A concerned Grandfather

  138. I don’t really follow a lot of this stuff,but if we are going by just what she is wearing…I don’t think it shows to much…..If it is because her hair etc…..the inside is what counts!!!!!! Her bathing suit looks better then a lot of other stars I’ve seen with everything hanging out…….As far as other things in her life as long as shes not on drugs etc….I find nothing wrong with it……It’s sad how we really don’t know some one…..BUT we are so easy to judge!!!!!!…….

    • Um, did you read the post? Because if you did, you’d realize that the post was about BEHAVIORS we don’t want our YOUNG DAUGHTERS to emulate. You would have no problem with a 14-year-old publicly rubbing a foam finger between her legs?

      And yes, bad behavior needs to be called out. If it’s not, our kids will think it’s okay to do themselves.

      • I am a soon to be mother, I am all of 20 years old and hold barely any wisdom in this world, although many call me “an adult” I don’t feel that way. I still feel like a child while I ask my elders what is to come after the birth of my child. I don’t fear birth, labor, delivery, I don’t fear hating my “post baby body” I fear the world we live in and the change that is to come. It truly scares me that children feel so strongly that they are grown. And although Miley may be “of age” her actions surely show she is nothing more or less then a child, much like you said, crying out desperately for attention. I am due any day now and this whole “miley crisis” has sparked my fears to how I will adjust to the new bond I will have with my son. I did not watch performance, or the VMAs, I take no interest in “celebs” and their fake lives. I do however take notice to how they affect the world and have for many years felt a lot of celebrities have aided greatly to the downfall of our society, as if somehow they’ve begun stealing the identities of our children as they sleep at night. Like you said, they mimic what they feel is “cool” or “hot” day to day. I used to find watching Hannah Montana with my niece absolutely adorable! with such a beautiful message! Now I look at her and it saddens me greatly to see what has happened. I found my pregnancy to hold such beauty, I’ve felt a bond with my child since I first heard the beat of his heart but now I am realizing once he’s born into this world I can not shelter and protect him. He will not be at my whim, in my womb, I will not be the one to chose anymore what it is that he is exposed to, It will not be what my plans for him are anymore, he will be an individual with aspirations and inspirations which I will have no control of, I will not control what is or is not his wants and that truly terrorizes me. I just wanted to praise you simply for being a parent, for caring how your daughter perceives this message Miley has sent to the world. I wanted to thank you for being brave enough to post this letter to the world. And finally I wanted to thank you for showing me that although I can not control what my son may do, want, or enjoy after he’s welcomed into this world I can constructively mold his thoughts and perception of this ever changing-trending-evolving world. With that being said, Right on Mama! Your daughter will “Thank you later”

        • Rue,

          You will be an amazing mother with the strong instincts of a Mama Bear. We can’t protect our kids from everything, and that’s why it’s so important to teach them so they know what to do and how to act. You are going to do that. Your son will disappoint you at times, as do all children. He will make mistakes, as do all children. Use the disappointment as a reason to talk. Love them through the mistakes. Set up- and carry out- consequences for bad behavior. If you do that, your son will be fine.

          Congratulations on bringing a boy into this world. My little warrior dude has made my world a very rich and wonderful place.

  139. Miley Cyrus is NOT Hannah Montana she is a performer, these were the Video Music Awards, notoriously edgy which I can see all you old, dried up jelaous hags do not understand that she did nothing that Beyonce, Rhianna, Britney, Christina, Gaga, Cher or Madonna haven’t done. Dancing and acting silly doesn’t make her cheap or trashy! And furthermore, she is an ADULT and had more clothes on than most bathing suits! I am sure each of your husband’s go elsewhere for stimulation because you are all about as stimulating as a piece of discarded bubble gum!

    • Miley is not a performer.. she has shown herself as ‘burlesque’ which should be behind closed sleazy doors with a 50. cent entrance fee. I wouldn’t want my grandkids to emulate any of her actions.. You are showing your own ignorance ( attacking the ladies who said they wouldn’t want their kids acting as Miley did)….by bringing up what YOU think their husbands do… for stimulation… I am glad you aren’t one of my kids.. your mouth would be washed out with soap, and grounded till the next coming of Christ!

    • Do you think nobody is disgused with Rihanna, brittney, christina, gaga ect as well? Of course we are! Nobody should act or dress that way in public, it’s degrating and humiliating for woman who treat and present themselves with respect. It’s just the fact that miley once had a good image and suddenly drastically changed with all these young children watching. I would be horrified if I saw my daughter doing this becuase I would never want others to view her as meat or easy. Your outside emulates your inside. And it’s sad that some woman don’t care about that strong independant woman that we all really are.

    • well i’m not a “dried up” old hag. I’m actually a young 24 year old mother of one. I found her performance repulsive along with the music video she created for it too. Edgy and trashy are two diffrent actions, not to be mistaken. It was trashy. Period. having your tongue hanging out every 30 seconds, choosing to prance around on stage in a NUDE colored bikini while bending over for all to see, sticking a foam finger between your legs, then placing it on robin thicke’s lower half, then biting the tip. Need I say more???? She could not have gotten any more trashy. If this filth has become acceptable behavior for young girls/women, we’re in trouble! Big trouble. This girl has no self pride or Self worth and her performances/lyrics validate that. Also the song alone is every parents nightmare who have teenage children. Singing about drug and alcohal abuse along with “gettin some.” ha ha idk maybe you’re into it, good for you. But women who have self worth and take pride in themselves can see right through it. It’s a cry for attention.

    • Hello there. I don’t know how old you are but what Miley Cyrus and Robin Thicke did at the VMA’s was not for children to see. I am not an old hag either. I am middle age but the spirit of a young person. What the problem is that you have impressionable kids watching this and they think that this behavior is OK. When I was a kid in the early 60’s, you saw nothing that is being portrayed now. it started in the late 60’s around the time of Woodstock.I have seen morals going down the tubes. What you don’t understand is upbringing. The woman who wrote the letter to her daughter was brought up to having morals and installing it into her daughter.She wants her daughter to respect herself. Also, somethings should be left in the bedroom and not displayed publically. I don’t know what sex you are either, but one day you will understand when you have a child of your own. You must be young and think you’re invinsible. If there is any consolation, I felt that I was invinsible when I was younger as well. As you grow up, you think differently than you did when you were a kid. I am not trying to lecture you and I am sorry that you think that I am. Good luck to you and hope good things happen for you.

  140. Stupid woman blogger: Kim Keller, Miley Cyrus does not have to “act accordingly” just because she is a celebrity! First time I googled Kim Kardashian I saw a picture of her with Ray Ray’s *ick in her mouth! And she has a hit reality television show, why don’t all you “nosey Nancy’s” find a cause like feeding poor kids or something? Miley doesn’t need your approval! And you look like you’re more fun than watching paint dry you jealous old troll! Maybe concentrate on finding baby Daddies for all your illegitimate kids?

    • Hooray, I have been called “Stupid” for the first time in my life. Dang, the university is going to take away my Master’s Degree and MENSA is going to revoke my membership if they find out. Seriously, I’m actually pretty darn smart. Wickedly smart.

      But more importantly, I have wisdom. I have the wisdom to know that what entertainers do hurts our kids because our kids mimic. I have the wisdom to know that good behavior should be taught and rewarded, and negative behavior has consequences.

      Others have done worse than Miley? I agree with you there. Miley doesn’t have to act accordingly because she’s a celebrity; she needs to act accordingly because she is an adult. I don’t care what these celebs do in the privacy of their own homes or when they are around other adults. I do care when they pull this crap when children are around. Will Smith’s KIDS were in the audience. Did you see their reaction? Thousands of kids were waiting on One Direction to perform when they caught the foam finger dance of seduction. Heck, even the adults were disgusted. Did you see Rihanna’s reaction?

      The others who agree with me, these Nosy Nancies, are advocates for children. All children. We are the moms that get involved in our communities to help those in need.

      You missed the entire point of the article. So sad.

    • What is it that makes you so Upset about Kim Keller? That she pointed out to her daughter that she is more valuable than just her body? Anyone can dirty dance (TWERK),but to find value and fame without degrating yourself to a piece of meat that is True woman power… and Men, yes they act like pigs because of women that give them the go ahead to treat them like a piece of meat….its demorolizing….Miley should’t act accordingly because she is a celebrity but because she loves herself enough to respect herself…..It shouldn’t make anyone upset that we want our daughters and sons to respect and love
      themselves….in turn they won’t act or perform like THAT….

  141. Way to go mom! I haven’t seen the show but heard about it from my 20 year old who is 4 days older than Miley Cyrus and grew up watching Hannah Montana as well. Even she didn’t like what Miley did on stage and what she does offstage. My daughter is not provocative and knows right from wrong. When it came to clothes, she wore low cut providing that there was a top cut higher underneath. If a skirt was really short, she could wear it as long as she wore leggings with it. As I said before, she is 4 days older than Miley and turned out to be a very respectable young lady who doesn’t drink or smoke, or use drugs and doesn’t want to drink when she turns 21. She also wants to go into show business once she finishes college next year. I know she will take whatever I installed in her and will not compromise her beliefs.

    You had every right to write the letter to your daughter saying that decent girls do not do what Miley did at the VMA Awards. Keep on doing what you’re doing. A little compromising can’t hurt either as long as she sticks by the rules, otherwise, that will be taken away by you. Just keep on praising her when praising is due, and critisize as lovingly as possible. She will grow up to be a beautiful young lady with morals. She will thank you when she grows up.

  142. Reblogged this on jasonbwatson and commented:
    This is the first time I have ever “reblogged” anything from anyone, but Kim Keller’s “Dear daughter” letter is an excellent response to Miley Cyrus’s “performance” at the VMAs. Equally excellent is the “Dear Parents” comment to her post from “Bethany” and Keller’s follow up post, “Dear Daughter: The Postscript.”

  143. AMEN to this wonderfully caring MOM!!
    Many parents forget they are the parents and instead try to be “friends” with their children….
    You are NOT their friend first you are their parent, raise them accordingly!!!

  144. It’s entertainment people. Show business. Note the second word after “show”. You absolutely have to give the audience a shock or a scare these days. It gets the people up in arms just like you all are doing on this board. It sells, and it has for a very long time. This trend didn’t begin with Miley Cyrus. It’s clear that very few of you are performers or would have the courage it takes to perform for an audience, twerking or otherwise. Admittedly this has never been a hang up of mine, since I knew I wanted in on that world from the very start. We work extremely hard and whether you appreciate the finished product or not is all the result of your own personal little hangups. It’s not society, it’s not parents, and it’s not because there isn’t enough mindless back patting for anyone with a sense of outrage, which is exactly whats going on here. So criticize all you want. It doesn’t change my feelings that any performer of any kind is better than a critic.

  145. in response to this article…we should also teach men to respect women too. you can respect yourself all you want but all the end of the day, no matter how covered up you are or how much you respect yourselves, men will still fantasize about you and (some) will still !@!! you and leave you. it’s how it is. we need to teach men to respect women more and not just look at them for their clothes, body, etc. i know people will disagree with me, but think about it for a bit. there have been times where i’ve been dressed in a jacket and jeans and still been called a “slut”. our society and culture need to value and respect women more. simple as that.

  146. I am absolutely shocked by the hateful tone of this letter and the complete ignorance and hipocracy of the writer. Wow let’s all jump on the hate bandwagon so we feel cool and part of the crowd… errr… MOB. let’s see:
    ” never spanked your butt for deliberate defiance.”

    “I will duct tape your mouth shut so your tongue doesn’t hangout like an overheated hound dog.”

    “I will smack any male whom you decide to smash against his pelvis – after I first knock you on your butt for forgetting how a lady acts in public.”

    “Why would I do that? Because I love you and I want you to respect yourself. ”

    A) Duct taping, spanking, smacking, and knocking down a confused young lady on her butt is somehow acceptable behaviour?

    B) Justifying such actions as a sign of love is why so many confused young ladies end up in abusive relationships. Because they’ve been taught all their lives that people that hit them do so because they care.

    C) Hitting/taping/shoving her body will teach her to respect herself? How exactly does some one learn to respect themselves if no one ever does? Why would she respect her body if you didn’t?

    The answer is so simple, so clear and so obvious to me. I feel so sorry for people who seem to have their brains wired backwards. Those people who are sincerely so confused that they believe that showing absolutely no respect to a girl will help her respect herself. The girls who feel they have nothing to offer the world besides sexuality. Both sides of this war have my deepest sympathies, my heartfelt condolences. I am so sorry for whoever hurt you and started you down this painful path. But no matter how far you go down the wrong path. Turn back.

    The answer isn’t hurting her, the answer isn’t mocking and ridiculing her, the answer isn’t degrading her further or jumping up on your high horse & turning up your nose. The answer, is simple, take 5 minutes out of your day to explain it to her lovingly, help her get back. Lift her back up and help her dust herself off. Quietly

    Miley, yes, maybe you will make more $ being sexual. Maybe. Maybe you’ll have more fans. Maybe. You might have less. Perhaps you would have had more if you had stayed wholesome and respectable. One thing is certain, whether you have more or less fans, you have DIFFERENT fans. The fans that followed the g-rated disney teen star, are not the same fans that follow the half naked sex tornado you’ve become. People who never gave you a second glance 10 years ago are watching with vapid interest now, and people who loved you and followed your every move 10 years ago, are burning all their scrapbooks and hanging their heads, embarrassed to have liked you.

    Miley, honey, I watched your movie, about a young girl so obsessed with people liking her, desperate for status & popularity that she bent over backwards and made a fool of herself to get these things. In the end she realized that none of those things were real, and realized what really mattered in life. I guess in real life you’ve forgotten what really matters. Those fans you’ve impressed with your vagina don’t respect you like the fans you impressed with your down home country charm. They don’t love YOU, they love that you’re degrading yourself. Your fans 10 years ago would risk their lives jumping into a burning building to save you. The fans you’ve attracted by giving away what should be precious and shared by only a special few, well, they’ll run into that burning building… well if they’re sure it’s not too dangerous, if they aren’t in a rush to get somewhere else, if it’s not too much work… Your fans 10 years ago, would refuse any reward…. ok well maybe an autograph, actually, HEY! Could you come to my sleepover on Saturday and hang out with Katie & I for an hour? Omg that’d be so cool!The fans you’ve attracted lately, well they’d pull you out of the flames,(if it was safe and not too much work) thinking mebe they could cop a feel, or get “some”, or become famous, or rich.

    Hannah, Hannah, Hanna, Dear MS Montana, you used to have a secret identity, so you could live a “real” life, while also realizing your dreams and entertaining. Once upon a time, you realized the importance of having friends who liked you for you. People who just enjoyed spending time with you without any hidden agenda. And yes, the dual identities were a fiction, just a hook, a gimmick designed to relate to people. You didn’t actually live a secret life where nobody knew you were a star or the daughter of a star. Perhaps that image was as calculated as your sexual explosiveness. Perhaps you really only ever cared about raw numbers. Getting your fan base from 999 mil to 1 billion was all that mattered. (And I’m not saying achievements don’t matter. They do.) Maybe that girl is just as much a facade as this one. Maybe all you’ve ever cared about is the $$, you just HAD to have that extra 364mil so you could buy that mansion in the Cayman Islands that’s just down the street from a cute guy you liked. (I’m not saying money doesn’t matter. It does)

    Maybe you feel powerful, you feel like you can bring men to their knees and make them beg. You think you can “make” people like you. Shake your ass and get anything you want. Turn men into desperate, pathetic losers who fall over themselves chasing you. Honey, it’s an illusion, a misunderstanding. You didn’t actually turn men into desperate pathetic losers. You’re just attracting different men. The men who liked you before, don’t. Some probably even said so, and you dismissed them as jealous or insecure. Threatened by your new found “confidence”. Became angry that they were trying to “control” you, and struck back by being even more fiercely sexual to prove you were “your own person”…

    Miley… Honey, don’t give yourself away so people like you. You are worth more than that. So much more.

    And haters, don’t hate her and tear her apart thinking you’re helping. If you walked out of the bathroom with toilet paper stuck to your shoe, how would you want somebody to point it out to you? Loudly, rudely and violently, making a fool of you in front of everyone? Or quietly and gently helping you to salvage every scrap of dignity you could?

    Think about it.

    • Dude, the word of the day is “facetious.” It means “not serious” or “said in jest.” Give me a little credit. See the Postscript post.

      And I’m not slamming Miley; I’m using the behavior as a life lesson for our daughters. The main message is “I love you, I want what’s best for you and you are valuable therefore I will be a parent and not a friend.”

  147. Reblogged this on Random Thoughts and Ruminations and commented:
    Her ‘performance’ was pure vulgarity and utter classlessness. This is what happens when parents (that would be you Billy Ray) do nothing but praise their children, voicing their praise no matter what. I’m still waiting for Billy Ray to be supportive of her behavior by letting us know how very proud he is of his very talented daughter.

  148. Do you have a reason for deleting all comments that point out how Robin Thicke was complicit in the performance and singing a song about how consent doesn’t matter? Do you not think that men play any part in the sexualization of young girls?

    • There are several Robin Thicke comments already posted, and I did write that I would smack a man who did that with my daughter.

      There are so many angles to this story and it would be impossible to address them all. My main points focused on my commitment to be a mom not a friend and my daughter doesn’t need to act out like Miley did during the VMAs to get attention, love or respect. She is beautiful and valuable just as she is.

      • My point is just that when people point out that your criticism is unbalanced, you delete them. And saying you would smack a man for doing that to your daughter is not really acknowledging what his song is saying to society and how it’s smacking Steubenville and other countless incidents in the face.

        • You’ll notice that I have allowed many comments from others who do not share my views, but I had to draw a line. I completely welcome differing opinions, as long as they are done respectfully. Please see my Play Nice policy at the bottom of the post. I will not tolerate personal attacks against me, my family or OTHER commenters. Nor will I tolerate vulgarity, cursing, slams on sexual orientation, religion (or lack thereof) bashing or name calling. Why? Because I want people to respect EACH OTHER, and I want this to be a dialogue that even teens can participate in.

          I didn’t get into the Blurred Lines song because my post is about my commitment to parent my daughter and to point out how valuable she is without having to resort to outrageous behavior. I find the song to be very rape-allusive and horribly misogynistic. If a man (or boy) ever treated my daughter like the song or performance portrays, there would be hell to pay. I speak out about Steubenville and other cases in my earlier and non-viral post about “5 things I want my son to know about girls before he really starts liking them.” In that post, I do hold men accountable and encourage my son to be the one who fights Steubenville-like boys and gets girls OUT of harm’s way.

          On a personal note to you, I had an opportunity to review your blog, and I really enjoyed it. You are immensely bright, and I love your reviews. I am an avid reader myself and media junkie. Congratulations on completing your graduate degree,and I am certain the future holds many great things for you.

  149. you dont need to let people judge you, just being our self,.. your beautiful from what you are.. 🙂 we dont need to act cheaply bc we have praise as a girl

  150. Dear blogger, let your lesson be a lesson to you.

    Your first paragraph is full of assumptions. Were you present for Miley’s entire life? Are you her parents, teachers, principle, aunts, uncles etc? Do you know for a fact that ever person in her life including her employer Disney never told her no? I would argue that in fact Disney probably controlled behavior like this a great deal while she was employed for Hanna Montana. Yes a lot of people call her awesome, but twitter, facebook, and the internet are equally critical of her.

    I found the performance awkward and distasteful as well however twerking may look ridiculous to you but many with a sense of humour they see it for the joke it is. I don’t care for it either, but I can think of a lot of dance moves in the past that parents frowned upon.

    Now here is where I grow concerned the most. You threaten to spank your child which is illegal, for very good psychological reasons. You then move to say you will assault a stranger, violently duct tape your daughters mouth out because you don’t agree with her sticking out her tongue, then knock your daughter to the group. Is this how a lady acts? I’ve not seen many act this way. My sister and I were raised by parents with respect for our individuality. Explanations as to the consequences of my behavior were provided with examples. We were always given the opportunity to make our own individual decisions on these matters, but encouraged greatly to avoid behaviour that would reflect negatively upon us. I respected the rules, got good grades, didn’t party, and I feel have grown up to be a pretty decent adult. The only time we had negative consequences raised was when our actions negatively impacted others. We would have privileges taken similar to what happens for adults. With this we grew to be tolerant individuals who respected people who were different then us, and learned to distance ourselves from things we don’t like.

    So why would you speak violently and do that to your daughter? Because you don’t respect her. You want her to only think or act the way you want her to. She isn’t an individual that can make her own mistakes and learn from them. If you said to her “I think that person is desperately screaming for attention, and I don’t think that is cool or sexy, what do you think?” and had an adult conversation perhaps you would help your daughter see your side of view and follow it.

    I’ve found that most of my peers in school who acted out were the ones with the controlling parents, the ones who parents didn’t give them a choice in their own lives.

    I didn’t like the dance, but I understood that a performer who was perform a very sexual song, danced sexually. Does this make her an awful person? I’m not sure I’ve not met her. Does it make her good at her job? Probably we are all talking about it like crazy.

  151. i agree that miley was inappropraite, but what about the show producers why didnt they clip this act. black the show out..say we are not doing this… i am also disappointed with robin thicke. he is a man with a wife and child. why didnt he say ..i dont feel comfortable with this.. everyone is blaming miley…i blame everyone that feels this behavior is entertaining…men like robin thicke included.

  152. “Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the former.”
    – Albert Einstein

    Miley Cyrus’ image is NOT about sexuality. It’s about inner freedom, catching the future trends, fashion. It’s about being young, it represents the new generation values. And these values are being free, open to other people, with a mature self-esteem. Sex is the last thing I saw in that video.

    I’m very sad you wll PROBABLY be harming your kids by growing them as restricted and restricitng as you PROBABLY are. Because of such beliefs as yours, they may not be able to fully release themselves as personalities. And this is gonna be only your fault, due to your being limited and refusing to understand the new realms of today, sticking to the old things that could make happy only our grandmas.

    Not only you should let them choose themselves, but you should understand the video yourself and then explain to your kids what’s good about it, if you think they aren’t getting it themsleves.

    As E. Fromm says, happiness is achieved by releasing your abilities, both emotional and mental. If your kids are restricted, it’ll be harder for them to become happy, because they’ll be only thinking and concentrating on the restrictions you are permanently creating for them.

    • Tilt.
      Fail.
      Truth is, it was nothing but sexual.
      Freedom as you see it has huge negative consequences. Do you really want your daughter acting this way? Seriously?

      Here’s a huge secret for your consideration: Limits are good for kids. They help a kid grow into responsibility. Giving a kid everything he wants creates behavior problems. Miley Cyrus, Thicke and the lot of them should be ashamed. We do not accept their choices. As for me and mine, we are completely in agreement that enough is enough.

    • Oh for God’s sake, do you really think she’s going to be physically abusive? She was trying to make a point. I hold Miley’s parents responsible for NOT teaching their daughter self respect, and for not telling her (regardless of the fact she’s “an adult”) that her behavior is demeaning to women and embarrassing. It is not talent.

  153. slut shaming = not cool. Just because you wouldn’t choose to dress/express yourself like she does doesn’t mean that she’s doing anything wrong. You are two different people with two different styles. You probably like to be more modest, she doesn’t. So what? Who cares? It’s her body, she can choose how to dress and present herself.

      • Your letter comes across as a controlling, and abusive parent – duct tape? Spanking? Even if I understand the sentiment, your words are lost on me as soon as you start resorting to abusive behaviour to “control” your child. I hope to God you do not spank your child – and if you do, perhaps you should do a little reading about how this negatively affects the psychology of your kid and how they’ll likely grow up with severe depression. But at least they won’t behave like Miley! I hope you’re intelligent enough to understand the sarcasm in that last sentence.

        • Spanking is totally legal in my state. My mom didn’t use it often but when she did I got the Message. As I got “spanked” she would tell me what is was I was being punished for. Once I saw a little girl slap her mother in the Grocery store and the mother told her not to do that. Guess what, the little girl did it AGAIN! Then the little girl knocked down all the magazines and chips on the rack. The mother cried and left the store. Now corporal punishment is allowed in my state. I think the little girl should have been physically punished. People especially children learn well and quickly from expericance.Its easy to hurts others when you don’t know what it feels like. I am sure this seems a little off topic but I think folks are making to much of the spanking thing. It works when used appropriately and with self control.

  154. Reblogged this on authorajpalm and commented:
    Miley is what I would call “a lost Hollywood baby” and I think most people don’t really care that she’s making a fool of herself. If you ask me, whoever is letting her back on stage and in front of a video camera nowadays is someone who’s treating her as a lemon; just squeezing the last bit of money they can make of her, then she’ll be another Lindsay Lohan.

  155. This is a great reminder for our children and parents to discourage looking up to any “star”. ALL of them are in the ENTERTAINMENT Industry, that’s what they do for a living. I thought that her performance was raunchy but no less so then all of the garbage that’s feeding the media these days. I laugh at the uproar of it all as everyone seems so shocked, really? Have you visited Hollywood lately? If people were interested in watching role models and not train wrecks, they’d have to actually turn OFF the television and get involved with a charity or an organization that serves others, not themselves or better yet redefine what a role model is in the first place.

  156. So many of us read your heart felt letter and totally get it. We understand your love for your daughter and your desire to guard her future. We understand the wisdom in the philosophy, “train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” We appreciate your humor. We appreciate your guts.
    Those of you who find fault with this well stated opinion, might consider the idea of zooming out to 10,000 feet and looking at the big picture. Thank heavens you struck a nerve. If not Miley Cyrus, some other young woman or her parents will be changed for the good by it.
    Kudos to you for taking the time to write.

  157. Whats wrong with this child and she is a child…..And the network for even showing this trash….A little tramp getting out bringing attention to herself and everybody keeps talking about her

  158. Can I say a few things here. I appreciate what your saying in your post here, but has anyone even discussed the fact that there is a man up there too? Nobody is calling him out on his behavior. Also, your comment about how men objectify women who dress and dance like that, I have a couple of problems with as well. Namely that if you’re objectifying a woman, regardless of how she is dressed or dancing, that is your problem, not hers. Also, because people dress or act in a way that you don’t approve of, does not mean that they are less valuable. I respect that you want to teach your daughter not to be like Miley Cyrus, but honestly, you’re not teaching her to be kind and accepting of others that behave and believe differently if your constantly ridiculing and belittling them instead.

  159. My letter would go something like this: Dear Son (Because there are TWO people in that scenario), Let Robin Thicke be a lesson to you. That I taught you to respect women, and always ask for permission to touch or look at ANYTHING on the female body, and you never just assume that “she wanted it”. Because you know that if you did any of those things, I would never speak to you again. Let Robin Thicke be a lesson to you. Let him reinforce that one day you may find someone to share your life with, who you promise to be faithful and true to. I hope you never feel the need to let a young girl who can’t even buy alcohol yet put herself in a position as shes been put in above, when you have a ring on your finger. The thought of Robin Thicke as a father will make you speak out for change, because he is someones FATHER and he is ALLOWING this. I pray that you will be a responsible adult and inform her that displaying any form of sexuality will bring a load of criticism on her, because her dancing implies that she is a “whore”. I hope with everything in me, son, that you understand that a person is not a number on a bedpost, or their dancing style. I know that you will judge a person only on if they have a good heart, and that they are not intentionally destructive. Most importantly, let Robin Thicke teach you that even grown ups make dumb decisions, so instead of ripping young people’s actions to shreds, you have the clarity to show them a good example to live by, and how to make themselves into someone they can be proud of. I love you, Mom

  160. what mush. ‘can be used for their pleasure and then forgotten’ – so yeah it turns out sex is only for the man eh? girls get nothing out of it – those awful dirty boys.

    MC is an entertainer, she’s allowed to do what she wants, entertainers do – they make bad films, albums, they get in (and out) of bad relationships, they make ‘poor’ choices sometimes. but don’t forget they do it all for you, your approval, your praise – if you see a famous person don’t forget to snap their photos so you can capture a little bit of them, a crumb of famous.

    what’s bothers me more is prim (frigid?) moms like you who have nothing better than do to write about MC to further you blog fetish and gain peer approval from other frigid moms. sad.

    personally i thought her performance was just that (a performance) and her trying to get out from under the HM profile.

    as you say – ‘duct tape’ your daughters mouth, ‘smack’ her BF then ‘knock her on her butt’ and see how far that gets you… probably straight the the clinker for psycho moms. lol.

    i think you took this as fact (it’s not honey – it’s a nursery rhyme):

    What are little boys made of?
    What are little boys made of?

    Slugs and snails
    And puppy-dogs’ tails,

    That’s what little boys are made of.

    What are little girls made of?
    What are little girls made of?

    Sugar and spice
    And everything nice,

    That’s what little girls are made of.

  161. I don’t agree with this The mother will
    “Duck tape her daughters mouth and knock her on her butt ” really ???!!! Sounds like child abuse .
    Guide a child the way they should go by all means but not by abusing them .but by love , correction and wise (none mental or physical torture) discipline .

  162. What gives any of you the right to judge who someone else is. Unless you are Miley then you have no right to even speak of how you THINK she is feeling. None of you know her even personally to even be speaking of her. Mind your own business and get a life. Seriously don’t you have anything better to do then write comments on celebrities you wish you were like?

  163. This is less a girl seeking attention than a performer playing to her audience. In a nation(including many fathers who would not want to see their own daughters act this way and yet has a huge population that watches porn) that seeks the fantastical or the sensational she is playing up to those things.

    She is less a needy girl who needed her dad to say no than a performer recognizing that america is addicted to sensationalism to the point that it needs a bigger and bigger hit to get its fix.

    She would not have a pedestal to fall off of if parents hadn’t placed her on one for there daughters to see to begin with.

    This is less about a child needing strict parenting that includes the word no but as it is a complete reworking of how society(including a father’s generation) consumes entertainment and desires even more. Only to fain piety when it is delivered. If you did not seek the sensational then you wouldn’t have been watching the VMAs, and if you ever watched them before, you would have realized any artists would have delivered.

  164. Reblogged this on A dash of vanilla and commented:
    “If you ever even consider doing something like that, I promise you that I will run up and twerk so you will see how ridiculous twerking looks. I will duct tape your mouth shut so your tongue doesn’t hangout like an overheated hound dog. I will smack any male whom you decide to smash against his pelvis – after I first knock you on your butt for forgetting how a lady acts in public.”

  165. Reblogged this on Living Day by Day and commented:
    The Miley Cyrus debate (if one can call it that) continues, but do we ever pause and wonder what the upcoming generation may think about super stars not behaving as they should? Kimberley Keller, mom and blogger (at Roadkill Goldfish) took the opportunity to write a letter to her daughter explaining why we sometimes do the things we do as parents. Makes you think about doing the same … whether you have a daughter or a son …

  166. Ummm, you do realize she is an ADULT, don’t you? She’s not a kid that you can say “no” to. I suggest a little historical perspective: how about you look though history and see how many “Dear Daughter” letters you could have written to young women in their day whose behavior was deemed “unacceptable”.

    • Nope, I just would have written this one, and the letter is not to Miley. It’s to young daughters who think this might be a cool thing to do at the next school dance or may think this may be what they have to do to get a boy’s attention.

  167. While some may enjoy the titilation of Myley’s girating and grinding twerking body, I’m sure most parents of young daughters are mortified by her VMA performance. To those who enjoy this low class pole dancing style in a national forum I ask a simple question: How would you feel if your daughter or niece performed this way in front of millions? It seems that Miley is seeking attention in lieu of missing love and good guidance!

  168. But, we still don’t have her kind of money. What do you expect when they roll up with trucks full of cash for acting the fool. The problem is her fans, not her. Would I do what she did for a million dollars? You bet your sweet ass I would. If you don’t like it stop buying her shit. That’s all anyone has to do.

    • Tim, this true but her fans did not make her become this way. Not all of her fans will follow anymore..what she has left only compels her to keep doing it, and obviously the people she’s been keeping company with…

  169. I am a daughter, I am 30 and not yet married. I admire you for keeping an eye to your daughter. Someday, when time comes that I already have my own, I know that it’s the same eyes you (and the other Mothers) and my Mom that will keep seeing my daughter’s behavior. Thank you for sharing this letter, it inspires me and makes me believe that Mothers know BEST! 🙂

  170. Thanks for your letter. I sent it to my daughter, son and wife.
    I do appreciate it. It’s incredible. I even saw MTV commentators saying it was not appropriate. Can you image, it crossed the line with MTV. Her, dad, Billie, must just be going bonkers. Thanks again for your letter…to America’s daughters, sons and parents.

  171. let Miley learn her own lessons! why do you assume she is promiscuous? why be so surprised when your daughter arrives at 18 and discovers she has sex appeal and men like her. doesn’t mean she will sleep with or encourgage others to sleep with, guy, or gals, for that matter. really, she is a young woman making her way, many of these comments do not allow her to be herself and learn her own lessons her ownself. just like your daughters should be able to do.

    • Where does it mention Miley’s promiscuity in the blog? I missed that part.

      I agree that my daughter should learn some lessons are her own, but there are some lessons that a 13-year-old kid should not have to experience. That’s what I am writing about.

  172. Live and let live. She looks happy and healthy, what more would you want from her. You might agree with her style and she probably don’t care to much for yours ether. Good luck Miley and disregard those who have no better to do but to criticize an entertainers’ performance . Get a life and leave her be.

    • Thanks, but did you happen to read the blog post? Because if you did, you’d notice that it’s not about Miley. Miley is an example. The blog is about how valuable our daughters are.

  173. I think rather than teaching our daughters what is wrong, we should show them what is right by examples. Teach buy leading the life, and teaching the life you want them to have, rather than teaching by being judgemental of others, i do not agree with the things that miley does, nor do i agree with the things that alot of other young celebs do, but using them as an example teaches our children nothing. Dont be a lazy parent. raise your children right, as well, if you dont like what miley did at the VMA’s you didnt have to watch. the channel changer was most likely withing 2 feet of your lazy arm, so rather than complaining, Change teh channel.

  174. I have been so disturbed lately about the state of our society. I thought Miley Cyrus was a reflection on how sick our popular culture has become. I mistakenly thought that by and large the public was okay with her behavior. I am so glad to see that so many people were just as disgusted as I. It is heartening to see that there are still people out there who have morals and try to pass those on to the next generation. One of the biggest problems of our society is not parents that discipline too much! On the contrary, where has the discipline gone? Thank you for this great article, which I will be reading to my own daughter!

  175. Dear Miley;

    This is what happens when you spend your childhood being controlled by your contract. This is what happens when you spend the most crucial years of your life being told what to say, what to do, how to act, and what to wear.

    This is called a rebellion. This is called “figuring out who you are and what you want to do with your own life”. This is something everyone goes through, but most do not have to endure this awkward transformation into adulthood with the entire world watching.

    This thing called growing up causes plenty of mistakes and bad choices. Not a single person on this earth has made all the right choices and lives with no regrets. If people do not want to watch you go through this, they do not have to. If parents do not want their children watching you go through this, they do not have to let them. The backlash will only make you try harder to prove your point: that you are not 13 anymore.

    So, Miley. Be ridiculous. Be rebellious. Figure out who the hell you are. Because as long as you ignore the judgments, you can become exactly who you want to be. That person could be beautiful and talented, and they will regret these remarks. Do what you need to do to find YOU.

    Sincerely, A PARENT.

  176. Wonderful letter to your daughter! I hope that many mothers share it with their sons and daughters to remind them that there are morals, there are standards and there are consequences when you don’t live by them. You have my full support.

  177. Why is no one blaming the money-grubbing media moguls who – literally – provided provided the stage for this “performance?” Surely, they could have established boundaries. And while we’re at it, Robin Thicke could have vetoed the idea as well (however, his Blurred Lines video tells us that would never have happened!). Seems to me, it’s kind of a perfect storm of a young woman whose brain is still developing (especially the frontal lobes responsible for impulsivity and judgment); media which have a single mindset of ratings = money; performers that know (and need) attention = money and power; add in some questionable parenting; and top it all off with a society that gives money and attention and power to the behavior. In full disclosure, I watched the VMAs (thereby contributing to it myself) and was embarrassed for Miley Cyrus, but not disgusted or appalled. Just sad – but not really surprising is it?

    • Like you, i wasn’t really disgusted but more like embarrassed and sad because i liked her during her Hannah Montana days.. i thought she would be different.. but i guess with her growing up came the fear of losing the attention of some fans and maybe the love of fame is so great that she wants to keep doing things that would make her the talk of the town.. but she will not really be famous but notorious.. and maybe she doesn’t care about the difference.. i wouldn’t want my girls to be like that.. but then again, with the presence of internet, it’s not easy..

      • With the best of parents / parenting, it’s an uphill battle against our current society, social media, peer groups, worship of sports players who commit criminal acts / do drugs and get a slap on the hand, etc. It’s a tough world out there for both parents and young people! We all just do the best we can and pray a lot for our kids! When their brains are fully developed at about age 24, they can think and reason and make more mature decisions.

      • The desire of young adolescents and young adults to get excess attention says much about parents and their parenting skills. You can’t buy love, and if Miley’s parents mainly did so via materialism and gifts rather than quality time, then this type behavior can result! Absentee parenting produces issues like lack of self worth, poor judgment, and relying too much on peers and those with other agendas misleading the performer with false praise, etc. for profit. It’s possible drug or alcohol abuse by a young star is a factor as well but they tend to magnify underlying insecurities. I hope Miley is not doing this simply for fame and money (material girl)!

    • I have to agree with you, I wasn’t appalled or disgusted. I have seen Madonna and Lady Gaga do much worse. VMAs are known for the vulgarity of their performances, so if you have young children maybe they shouldn’t watch it. It’s not anyone’s job to criticize and tell this young lady how to behave because she is now an adult, not some lost little child. I think her goal was to do something to keep the media talking and she has accomplished that. I teach my kids not to look to celebrities to be role models because they are human and will make mistakes along the way just like anybody else. I strive to be my kids’ role models, I tell them to look up to their aunts, uncles, and older cousins to be role models. Miley has a job to do and what she portrayed on the VMAs could be just a character, every musician has done something to make themselves stand out.

  178. I agree with the content and sentiments of this “Dear Daughter” letter, but have a few things to add. I don’t think that the Miley Cyrus fiasco / debacle boils down solely to a simple parenting (or lack thereof) issue. Many kids who come from solid, loving homes with the best-intentioned and conscientious parents make mistakes, sometimes terrible ones. It is part of the learning process; even the most closely supervised and effectively parented kids can do foolish things they regret but from which they “learned better.’ Conversely, many children from the most awful family circumstances have managed to live exemplary lives.

    • I hear what you’re saying okilloran but this was a very public [inter-]nationally broadcasted performance and there were many adults involved and I find it hard to believe nobody mentioned what we all witnessed while they were practicing this performance to her parents. Even if they did know and did nothing or could not convince Miley, the lack of good judgment reflects on her parents or their parenting style and the values they were unable to instill. Others artists have done similar performances (Wendy O. Williams, Madonna, etc) but there was a lack of quality or tact to Miley’s that just put it way over the top!

      • Apparently the rehearsals witnessed by all those adults were much tamer than the actual performance. (She was actually Tweeting before the event that she was going to “mess your stuff up” with her performance – rephrased by me – so it sounds like she had a plan to deviate from what was seen / planned.) Further, as a 20-year old, her parents have no legal authority over her or her career, and she clearly was going to do what she was going to do – and I understand she is quite headstrong (obviously). I really can’t speak to her parents’ inability to instill values, etc. but I do know that many young folks (myself included) may lose their way and we can just kind of cringe and hope she gets back on course. My point is that research shows that peers have a much strip onager influence than parents – in many cases and I guess Hollywood is probably a lot worse than Anytown USA in that regard. I agree that it was way over the top and vulgar. Just saying that I don’t believe we can lay the blame squarely or solely at the feet of her parents – many factors are involved IMO.

        • I agree and hear what you’re saying okilloran, don’t want to be overly critical of Miley or her parents, and realize that her peers and Hollywood influence her; but it is hard to believe that she could go so far off the plan without someone advising her better. She’s young and has a lot to learn so it should be interesting to see what happens going forward. I can only imagine that her parents have talked to her already and perhaps need to be more involved. If Miley ignores what those who really care advise her then that shows something went wrong in her value system and personal development. I wish her well but it seems like she may be going down the Lindsay Lohan road needlessly. 🙂

    • You’re right @michymichymoo! I was just saying same thing to my wife. We’re wondering how much of this is a result of Miley’s parent;s divorce and her father’s behavior in recent years. She’s also possibly trying to shake her Disney Hanna Montana image w/o realizing many of her young fans are impressionable girls which will ;ikely result in more societal problems in the future.

  179. Well said. She was a complete embarrassment to herself. She didn’t exemplify anything but a desperation for attention and everyone knows what kind of person feels the need to do that.

    Also, I’d like to point out the surprising lack of commentary on the fact that she was dressed very childlike and the entire act depicted a child as well; teddy bears, slumber party like. Pedophilia and statutory rape is an abhorrent problem across the globe. It is high time we stop sexualizing children and anything associated with them. She will forever lose my respect for that demerit alone. She can disrespect herself all she wants, but how dare she glorify that for a world-wide audience; the consequences of which I shudder to even consider. and yes, shame on her mother and father for not publicly calling her out regardless of her age, and on every person who praised her act. What a degenerate country we have become.

    • I had the same thought Kristin. This shows how low morals have sunk and says volumes about the folks producing the show that nobody realized that Miley’s whole performance was fraught with Pedophilic imagery and it wasn’t even done well (she does have talent). She obviously is just seeking attention but forgot many of her fans are very young and remember her as Hanna Montana! She needs good parenting bad and I suspect she will regret this in the future (if not now)!

  180. It is about time someone put some brakes on the way that girls and young (and even some not so young) women are behaving and dressing. They do not have the sense to be embarrassed or ashamed. Society in general is far too casual and encourages this.

    • I try to be open minded but this just sends to wrong message to women and especially girls. We all love to look at beauty but this was not but actually very tacky and Miley really needs some guidance and help.

  181. Reblogged this on Two Girls Living in a Lonely World and commented:
    Dear Parents,

    Yes, I often thought that you were over protective. I often thought that you didn’t give me enough attention. I never understood why you said no. I didn’t understand why wearing bikinis wasn’t okay, or why the fingertip rule was so inforced.

    I used to think I wasn’t good enough. I used to think I wasn’t popular enough. I could never look as good as those girls in the pictures. I never had the boys following me around.

    For awhile I blamed you. For awhile I hated you. Why couldn’t you let me be like the other girls?

    But now I know, this is how I could have (probably) ended up. With no respect for myself. I am NOT desperate. I hold myself to a higher standard than a lot of the girls around my age. I will continue doing so until I find that guy who will love ME. Not my sex appeal.

    I now know the difference between a guy who calls me hot, and guy who calls me beautiful. Trying to look like the other girls is only worse in the end. I don’t need to become something else to get attention. That’s the wrong kind to get.

    I no longer find skimpy clothes attractive. It’s no longer an appealing thought to have guys fawn over me for my looks. I don’t want to show my whole body to everyone. I don’t want guys eyes on my breasts or on my butt.

    I’m ashamed that girls who blatantly screamed for attention like this, used to be my roll model.

    I don’t want that anymore.

    I don’t want to be a possession.

    And parents? You made me this way.

    I love you for it,
    Bethany

    • I understand what you’re going for, here, and I do agree with some of it. I think Miley is trying too hard, and I believe you’re right that part the cause has been lack of guidance. The tongue thing is also pretty annoying.

      “…I first knock you on your butt for forgetting how a lady acts in public.” What about how a gentleman acts in public? Was it very gentlemanly for a (married–and, I’m going to guess, in the absence of other information, presumed to be monogamous) man to let a woman barely more than half his age “smash against his pelvis”? Robin Thicke was part of this performance, too, as were the people who planned, choreographed, and approved it. We shouldn’t forget that Miley Cyrus, like all pop musicians, is considered a product, being sold by a team of people who stand to make money off outrageous behavior, and was most likely encouraged to behave exactly the way she did for just that reason.

      Worse, though, is this statement: “Let the boys gawk and know in your heart that they see only a body that can be used for their pleasure and then forgotten.” How is a boy’s attitude about a girl’s body in any way HER fault? I can guarantee you, males who feel that way about females will believe it to be so no matter what they wear or how they act.

      I know you mean well, but slut-shaming is never helpful.

      • Thanks for the comments. Since this is a reblog, I’ll pass it on. I try to communicate community think at times whether I agree or not. This one was pretty far out in terms of responsive anger and angst. Think I might write one of my own.

  182. I thought this post was spot on and even though I don’t have a daughter I do have a 15 soon to be 16 year old son. Parenting is hard, and leading by example even harder what with all of the negative public examples out there, but I do believe you have hit the nail on the head regarding what we may (and more importantly may not) want for our children – and why we tell them the things we do. Thanks for this excellent reminder Kimberley and please let me know if I can reblog this great post on http://galeweithers.wordpress.com.

  183. Reblogged this on Crazy Bloggin' Moms and commented:
    Love the way this dad put this letter! This is exactly how parenting should be anymore. Jason and I strive every single day to raise our boys this way. We don’t have a daughter (yet… at least not for a few years at least) but when and if we do ever have a daughter… we are going to raise her to be respectful of her body, intelligent and she will learn the word “NO” just like our boys have.

  184. I don’t agree with that at all. You are all speaking as though Miley is an average girl out in the world doing average things. At this moment, on this show, agree with it or not, she was performing. She wasn’t being Miley the girl, she was being Miley the performer. Absolutely if I had a daughter who wore this and tried to leave my house I’d decimate her. But have you seen the girls at clubs? The girls Miley’s age? They were about that much clothing and they bump and grind…. Everyone needs to get off the soap box and realize this was a performance by a performer. This was not Miley the girl… she’s someone that NONE of you know. She was looking for her shock moment, like Madonna had back in the day and she got it. Wow. A performance is not real life nor is it meant to be.

    • Uh, did you read the post? Because the post ain’t all about Miley. It’s about being a parent and loving our daughters enough to show them that they don’t have to act out to be noticed or loved.

  185. If Miley had been raped, would all this slut-shaming suddenly be bad? I remember, the same shit happened when Madonna did her “Like A Virgin” performance. Oh, and don’t sell the male gender completely short. Your assumption is that “gawking at a piece of meat” isn’t fueled at least a little bit by respect for her choice to be shocking, to push the envelope, to be risque’, to be edgy (even if poorly executed)? Don’t judge the person, judge the performance, or the conceptualization of it instead.

  186. Kim cheers to you. Here’s where I stand. Miley did nothing for her image, no shocker there, but this will pass in a week or so. She was awkward, sleazy and soft-porn like. I applaud your tongue lashing letter. I’m not a spanker-fan so I’d pass on that but your words of warning were right on!! I have a 15 year old daughter and last year she told me spontaneously, “Mom, have you seen Miley? She’s has gone off the deep end, looks horrible etc.” She thinks she’s sleazy and is frankly disgusted and not because my daughter thinks she’s “better” than Miley, because she doesn’t like how she looks/acts now. I’m of a different school of thought today about the affect these off the rail girls have on other girls. I USED to worry about my daughter watching this trash and what she would think/copy. NOW I think girls who grow up with self-respect messaging at home, despite the MASSIVE media and peer messaging dumped on them daily to be the easy, sleazy girl who gets all the attention WILL NOT buy into this crap. Miley’s act and look was SO absurd as to be embarrassing. Bottom line, girls who want to feel good about themselves, don’t want THAT image attached to them. In my view, Miley (whose song The Climb I loved, btw) did a whole hellava lotta good to push some girls in the OPPOSITE direction of that image. So, thank you Miley.

  187. Wow. Dear Kim,

    I wish you said,
    “Because I love you I’m not putting you to work as a child. I’m not depriving you of the free time and privacy and irresponsibility of childhood. I’m not going to force you to do every offensive and misguided thing that grown-ups tell you to do, even if they pay you a lot of money to do it. And I won’t blame you for naively following the exploitative instructions of VMA adult directors, producers and choreographers who should know better than a young girl. And because I love you, I’m not going to teach you to condemn other girls whose parents didn’t protect them from old men who would ruin their reputations to get ratings.”

  188. Dear Parents,

    A few things us US Citizens would like you to do: One PLEASE discipline your kids. This, along with single parenting, is the number one reason why they run wild and lack respect for themselves as well as others. Two kids are to be seen not heard PLEASE control your kids in public no one wants to hear your kid throw a fit. Three PLEASE speak ENGLISH in public. You want to live here fine respect our ways and our customs. If you travel to any other NON ENGLISH speaking country you have to learn their language or get an interpreter. What makes you so damn special? Why should we cater to you! I know others feel this way they are just too milk toast spined to voice their opinion. My grandfather moved here from Hungary in 1908. He could not speak a lick of ENGLISH but he learned it. What is your excuse?

  189. Yes, though the part about spanking made me chuckle, as if spanking a kid at age 3 magically means we don’t have to worry about parenting for the next 20 years and somehow innoculates them against say, drinking underage, dressing inappropriately and making a spectacle of themselves. Seems the rates of teen pregnancy are highest in the states where spanking is also highest. This isn’t about spanking. Plenty of teens have been spanked and still gotten themselves in trouble. Funny how that works….

    That said, YES, we should be telling our children–male and female–to dress appropriately and make them turn around and march back to their bedroom. And for heavens sake, parents of boys: teach them some manners! Restraint isn’t only for women. This isn’t 1894. It might do those boys some good to realize that just because a girl escaped out the house in clothing that sends inappropriate signals doesn’t mean they don’t have the capabilities to keep their pants up and privates to themselves. I found the behavior of Robin Thicke to be even worse. He is old enough to know better, he’s far too old for her, and he’s taking advantage of her. Is his mama proud? If so, we live in a twisted, messed-up society. Perhaps some of you will still argue that the burden of responsibility still remains only for females–but if so, some of you mamas need to get it in gear. It’s never ok for men to take advantage of immature women just because they can.

  190. Ugh. Do you wear a bonnet and ankle-length gingham dresses buttoned to the neck?

    First, you know nothing about how Miley Cyrus was raised by her parents, so stop making insulting, clueless judgments. Second, you know nothing about Miley Cyrus as a person. Chances are she’s a hundred times more secure than you, with a strong sense of who she is. Third, you should hope and pray your daughter is as talented and successful as Ms. Cyrus is. Her form of entertainment may not be your cup of tea, but Lawrence Welk has been dead for many years. Move on. Fourth, wake up, it’s 2013…not 1953. Silly, outrageous behavior sells. Ms. Cyrus hurts no one with her bawdy behavior, and is actually sort of cute in how she’s emerging as an adult–and proves she’s not your chaste Disney fantasy. Good for her. Five, You need to worry about a lot more important things than your daughter twerking. Like her becoming an accepting, open-minded person who embraces her sexuality, doesn’t hide it in shame, like her mom.

    • Did you even read the blog or was my gingham dress in the way of the font?

      Sexuality is not shameful, but 13-year-old girls are not emotionally ready to act on it nor should they have to feel like they have to be over-the-top sexual to get a boy’s attention.

      You’re right. I am hiding my sexuality and I am so ashamed. Sigh.

  191. I look at this “controversy” two ways – first – I’m disturbed at the highly racially-charged minstrel act she’s performing – but that being said, I’m not as disturbed by her performance as I am by all the slut-shaming that’s been going on. Miley Cyrus is an adult woman who should choose to represent herself and her public identity in any way she chooses, and doesn’t need our permission – we can of course disapprove and shield our kids’ eyes from her spectacle – and that’s fine. But these pious folks who drone on about her “slutitude” are – in my book – just as bad as the folks who commercialize sex because they’re applying their own hangups and morals on someone else.
    That being said, there’s far worse in her performance in terms of appropriating goofy, reductive tropes of a skewed view of black culture, in which she attempts at bids for street cred that I find far more damaging because it betrays a lack of racial sensitivity that is alarming in a young woman with access to information like Cyrus.

  192. I’m curious to know, why does she feel it takes an explicit act to express her freedom..Secondly prior to the VMA, her name was well established, in the industry so why gain attention in this fashion? Seriously is it money? Association? A part in a movie? repayment of a debt? It’s apperent that Hollywood has some really bad agents the only advice that seems to be given to celeb these days is based on techniques that are taught in the bedroom

  193. If you think a woman in a tan vinyl bra and underwear, grabbing her crotch and grinding up on a dance partner is raunchy, trashy, and offensive but you don’t think her dance partner is raunchy, trashy, or offensive as he sings a song about “blurred” lines of consent and propagating rape culture, then you may want to reevaluate your acceptance of double standards and your belief in stereotypes about how men vs. women “should” and are “allowed” to behave.

  194. I think it’s nothing more that her trying desperately to distance herself from the teen pop “Hannah Montana” image she had to maintain. We saw the same type of behavior form Christina Aguilera, Britney Spears, and many more, when they hit 18. And good or bad, her performance was publicity success because it got everyone talking, even people who would normally never watch her or the VMAs. Give it a little time and she’ll tone it back down and have a “normal” career. That is until a new CD is coming out and her publicist tells her to do something outrageous to get the media’s attention just like Madonna and those who tried to imitate her career (Britney, Gaga, ect.) did for so many years.

  195. Reblogged this on The Journey Of My Healing and commented:
    This is a pretty awesome post. I honestly feel sorry for a young lady who feels that in order to entertain people, she needs to perform and push the envelope. Constructive structure for children is not harmful, it’s love. Sometimes a no said with love is the best gift for a child.

  196. I’ve read your blog post and even though this isn’t normally something I’d ever do, I felt the need to reply and say “thanks”. It’s a full time job to raise a daughter these days- teaching her to hear her mother’s voice in her head and make wise choices. The “look at me” culture isn’t healthy and it’s a trap that even adults are falling into with facebook and other social sites- we’re becoming a society of narcissists. Parents, help your kids and turn MTV and this music off. Kids will become what they see and hear, since that is what they will consider “normal”.

  197. I am not a parent and I sure don’t even begin to understand what it is like to parent, but I am going to share this on my Facebook post because I agree with it 100%. I am a teacher and I feel strongly that we as a society focus too much on looks instead of substance. Thank you!

  198. I’ve just posted a link to this blog on my FB page. I thought your letter to your daughter was wonderfully written, and I’m sure if I had a daughter I’d say something very similar. Well done 🙂

    …I’d like to know how Robin Thicke will go about explaining himself. Given that he is a grown man, a husband and a dad, I thought his conduct was terrible. He also made my skin crawl…

  199. Holy Cow! You have definitely made an impact with your letter. I think it is a very sad situation. I will say that I agree with you. If my daughter behaved like that I would all be for finding a switch somewhere. While I would never do that, it would be tempting. I also don’t appreciate the images that it gives my teenage sons.

  200. i like the article but Billy Ray wasnt that bad of a parent. she is half doing this because he control her young life career and her money. He is just as unhappy as we are. But it is true i am a huge fan and oh so disappointed in her lately.

  201. I agree with Samuel. I want to raise my daughter to be a good moral woman, but I believe physical abuse or the threat of it will lead her to rebellion much faster than anything else. I don’t want to be her friend, but I also don’t want her to fear me.

    Do you not agree that obedience out of respect is better than obedience out of fear?

    I know I will make mistakes raising my child and I will get frustrated, but one thing I am set on doing right is teaching her values without threatening or hurting her. She will feel safe in our home.

    Kim, you are doing your best and you are passionate about your daughter. It’s for that reason that I’m even taking the time to suggest considering healthier and more effective ways to teach lessons.

  202. I think Robin Thicke should share just as much of the criticism if not more as Miley Cyrus but you don’t hear much about that. What is Robin 35-36…A GROWN ASS MAN and a GROWN ASS MARRIED MAN at that. This wasn’t something she came up with by herself; he was apart of it. Not only did it happen on stage they rehearsed the crap! It’s not like it was something that was She just sprong on him…it was rehearsed. I am not approving of anything Miley Cyrus did but we are so quick to stomp all over the girls and barely chastise the men involved. And yes I said men cause Robin is a grow ass man just like her sleazy manager who most likely set the mess up and egged her on. This is no different then “NIPPLEGATE” of the 2004 Superbowl with Janet Jackson/Justin Timberlake. Janet got all the flack Justin pretty much got off scot-free but at least they were both adults. And yes you can say that Miley is 20 and an adult but you know dam well that although she may have been on this earth for 20 year her mindset and maturity level is stuck right around the level of a spoiled, bratty, attention seeking, cant tell me NUFFIN cause I know everything 14-16 year old child! And that’s exactly what Robin had grinding all up against him A CHILD. It makes me mad every-time I think about is because I really liked Robin Thicke. I just do not see him the same way. He lost some major respect points in my book.

  203. I’m not a Miley fan by any means, however I think this post is a little dramatic. Her performance is just that: a performance. How is this particular situation any different from the way the media portrayed a 20 year old Britney Spears? Oh wait, she was only 17 when she put out the “Hit Me Baby One More Time” video; half dressed and dry humping the floor at a local high school, but America was certainly receptive and encouraging of that. At least Miley Cyrus is an adult, and yes, making an odd sort of statement, but that’s what young celebrities do. If you’re so concerned about the role models your daughter has, instead of voicing your biased opinions on a blog for the world to see, perhaps it would have been more beneficial to your kid to actually have a calm and collected conversation with your daughter in private about why she should not strive to be another “Miley.” This is a bit tactless, in my opinion.

    • Did you even read the post? Miley’s actions are the motivation, but they are not the message. The message is for girls to see themselves as valuable and realize they don’t have to act out to get attention. The message also calls for parents to be parents.

  204. And while you’re at it please keep your sons from becoming like Robin Thicke… there’s nothing classy about a 36 year old man with a wife and kids participating in this kind of circus… oh, and that Blurred Lines song and video is kind of nasty as well… Please just keep your kids in general (boys and girls) from becoming them!!

  205. Wow!!! I guess it takes ALL sorts to make up this really messed up world we live in. I have four daughters and four sons. In MY HOUSE … we call a spade a spade. There is no sugar-coating … no walking on eggshells … no worrying about what would be considered politically correct when discussing what is and what is not appropriate behavior sexually. My oldest son is 23 … has had less than five girlfriends since he was 16 – all of which were long term relationships and not flings … and has treated each and everyone like a princess. My daughters are all teenagers and were taught that it is INDEED a WOMAN’S RESPONSIBILITY to set the pace and tone of male and female interactions FROM DAY ONE by respecting herself and her sexuality. I have been raising them completely on my own for over seven years now and practice what I preach. As a single woman myself – I too am responsible for making sure that any man interested in the possibility of dating me understands that I am NOT A SLUT. Like I said – we call a spade a spade around here.

    My kids did not see this spectacle because I had decided to eliminate a lot of the pure GARBAGE that is on TV by getting rid of cable. Had my daughters seen this … they would have not hesitated to call that kind of behavior and dress – especially in a public setting – slutty. We do not sugar-coat and our standards of behavior are very much higher than society’s in general it appears sadly. What used to be “normal” ie: decency, self-respect, and dignified behavior … is no longer normal … it is now “old-fashioned”, “weird”, “behind the times” … I would rather us be considered “behind the times” … and myself not a grandmother before my time.

    Throughout the history of humankind … it has always been the WOMAN’S responsibility to TEACH males how to treat her – I do not care that now we have to do that by text message instead of grunting back at the fellow in a cave – HUMAN NATURE has not changed. And if you think I am wrong … I challenge you to look at the lives of women who were above EVERYTHING ELSE … DEEPLY RESPECTED. Let me help you start with a few names … Princess Diana … Mother Theresa … Jackie Kennedy. How so very sad that I cannot think of very many more from our lifetime … nor any current highly public women that could even come close to them. 🙁

  206. Its pathetic what she has done. However, all she wanted was attention, which is clearly what she got. So really we are doing her a favor talking about her. Everyone should just ignore her. She is only hurting herself.

  207. I do not have any children yet but when i do, they will know better than to ever act like she did on stage that night. I choose to believe that Miley is a good girl at heart and is trying to figure out just who she is. She is young, and dumb and in 20 years, she will probably look back at this performance and go, “what was i thinking”. She is only doing what Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera did when they transitioned from “child teen star” to “young adult star” She’s going through the phase of ” look at me, i am not a child, I am a woman and I am sexy and beautiful and can do whatever i want” It is a phase that she will grow out of eventually. I also agree with another poster, It is not just Miley’s fault, Robin Thicke is much, much older and shouldn’t have allowed this but we also have to remember that they are performing on stage and it’s really just an act. As parents, you need to step up and teach your children the proper way to act in public and tell them that, just because they see Miley or any other star on tv do something, doesn’t mean it’s cool, real, or that they should be doing it too. Growing up, we never had to deal with this, we were never stupid enough to act out on things we saw on tv, there were no need for stupid “don’t try this at home” warnings. I also think parent’s are getting too soft with their kids and it’s more than likely because they were treated too harshly when they were a kid and vowed not to do it with theirs. There needs to be a happy medium when it comes to discipline. Be more active in your kids lives and possibly they won’t turn into the Miley Cyrus we saw on the “VMA’S” but like the Miley we knew from “Hannah Montana”

    • Sir, if my 13-year-old daughter rubs up on an adult male and he encourages it or do nothing to stop it, there will be jail time.
      Thanks for your well wishes about me getting my @ss kicked. Stay classy.

  208. I admire your wish for your daughter to grow into a grounded individual who is free from the peer pressures and insecurities lodged at her, (and I agree that Miley is an example of the contrary, as she, above all, has been influenced by her surroundings), but I challenge you to re-think your rationale.

    Miley’s sexiness is the least of our problems. Many, many celebrities (male and female), for decades, have flaunted their sexuality for entreatment’s sake. On tv, in magazines, in movies, on stage. Typically, we don’t bash an eyelash at this behavior. It’s standard. She ought not to be slut-shamed for showing her body and dancing in a certain way. I hope you don’t raise your daughter to think that way, as it is a product of the patriarchy and perpetuates rape culture. It’s the same thinking that allows society to blame rape victims for their rapists actions. A person’s worth has nothing to do with how she dresses or dances. It’s simple.

    The problem with Miley’s performance is in the blatant cultural re-appropriation and lack of taste. Teach your daughter to avoid these things. Teach her how to check her privilege and have compassion. Teach her what’s wrong with Robin Thicke’s song lyrics.

    Just my two cents.

  209. What a great Mommy. I just heard this on my local country station, and a friend (and father of a young girl) posted this on his facebook page. I have a son, but he will be taught not to act like a chauvinist and not to date girl like Miley (or whoever will be the popular girl at the time he’s dating age). I agree that she’s screaming out for attention! She’s not Hannah Montana anymore, we get that. But Selena Gomez isn’t Alex the wizard anymore, but she’s very beautiful and classy!! She’s a young woman all the young girls can look up to! But anyways, props to you for writing this for your daughter! You definitely inspire a lot of moms!!!!

  210. You’ve made an awful lot of assumptions and accusations on how Miley’s life was and how she was raised. You have no idea what it must’ve been like to be a “cash cow”. If a mother is that concerned that this behaviour is going to affect their child then they have more to worry about than this! I have 2 daughters and know for a fact that they will not want to emulate Miley’s actions. That’s just silly. But they will look at her with compassion and see her as a human being, someone who maybe is a little messed up because of how her life was growing up. I shudder at your words on how you’d react and treat your child if they misbehaved! We need to love each other and not be so quick to point fingers! (hence the big white pointy finger glove)

    • Fellow mama, do you honestly believe I would physically hurt my child? That’s silly. I was speaking facetiously.

      My heart breaks for Miley and young ladies like her. I’m not pointing fingers, but using these examples as teachable moments for my child.

  211. Enough of Miley already. There was a father and husband on that stage who just had a music video with naked women performing with him then the mtv music awards: Dear sons let Robin Thicke be a lesson to u. Don’t dress up like a pimp when u r married and have a 3 year old at home. Don’t let a young girl seeking attention think that she has to live up to culture to be admired. Be a man and take that young girl and clothe her. Tell your wife you love her and for God sake love your daughter so she doesn’t have to do such things. Jesus drew a line in the sand in John 8 when a woman was caught in sin. Sure enough the man again was no where to be found. No posts or blog were written about him but he was in sin too. Son Jesus drew a line in the sand. He said whoever has no sin throw the first stone. I really can’t say anything to Miley as I’ve screwed up and sinned enough in my life too. Thank God Jesus has saved me. Jesus also drew a line to say you don’t have to cross that culture line anymore. You don’t have to keep sinning like this to find confirmation and attention. Find it with me, Jesus. Stay on this side with Jesus. Be a man and don’t promote such sexual promiscuity in anyway. Walk away! Honor your wife. Love your daughter and treat young women like the bride God intended them to be. My prayer is that Miley might find a real man who will save her and not a mediocre R&B singer who promotes her like a porn star and doesn’t know how to be a husband nor a father on stage. Son be a man not a Thicke.

  212. Nobody says Kiss or Alice Cooper or Slipknot are desperate for attention even though they’re arguably more shocking than Cyrus.

    Why is it that when a woman artist uses even a little shock value, she’s considered desperate for attention? Is there a double standard going on here?

  213. Amen sister!! I love the Mama Bear approach — no doubt we’ve gotta do what we’ve gotta do to protect our kids. (I had a good laugh at the “haters” who took it in a totally wrong direction. I’m a blogger as well ….. I guess you take the good with the bad in the world of blogs.) I just wrote a little Top 10 tid-bit myself “For Sale: Hannah Montana Concert Tickets. Cheap.” You may get a chuckle. http://southernmomentum.com/2013/08/for-sale-hannah-montana-concert-tickets-cheap/

    • Thank you for the shot in the arm. I appreciate your comments about taking the good with the bad. Who would have imagined that a mom would be attacked for not wanting her daughter to cheapen herself by acting like a music idol? Yeah, we are a sanctimonious bunch.

  214. Dear Parents,

    Yes, I often thought that you were over protective. I often thought that you didn’t give me enough attention. I never understood why you said no. I didn’t understand why wearing bikinis wasn’t okay, or why the fingertip rule was so enforced.

    I used to think I wasn’t good enough. I used to think I wasn’t popular enough. I could never look as good as those girls in the pictures. I never had the boys following me around.

    For awhile I blamed you. For awhile I hated you. Why couldn’t you let me be like the other girls?

    But now I know, this is how I could have (probably) ended up. With no respect for myself. I am NOT desperate. I hold myself to a higher standard than a lot of the girls around my age. I will continue doing so until I find that guy who will love ME. Not my sex appeal.

    I now know the difference between a guy who calls me hot, and guy who calls me beautiful. Trying to look like the other girls is only worse in the end. I don’t need to become something else to get attention. That’s the wrong kind to get.

    I no longer find skimpy clothes attractive. It’s no longer an appealing thought to have guys fawn over me for my looks. I don’t want to show my whole body to everyone. I don’t want guys eyes on my breasts or on my butt.

    I’m ashamed that girls who blatantly screamed for attention like this, used to be my roll model.

    I don’t want that anymore.

    I don’t want to be a possession.

    And parents? You made me this way.

    I love you for it,
    Bethany

  215. You pressed some hot buttons cuz you are going viral! Yahoo! Let’s hear it for Moms with
    guts, brains and moral fiber. You rock!!! My sons are going to hear about this and they will definitely get similar letters from me. Your daughter is blessed to have you.

  216. Reblogged this on Lessons from 40 Something and commented:
    Dear Son, Only date girls who have learned the Miley Cyrus lesson. Also, don’t encourage those that have not. You’ve been taught not to make fun of people who are in trouble and need help. Love, Mom

  217. Thanks so much Kimberly and for writing this in such a specific, loving and firm way- that’s what I noticed for YEARS about my Christian friends- they got angry, but when they did, it was for a righteous reason. My Christian friends lived in such a way that I could not deny that they were different- they had peace- they had joy beyond the circumstances of their lives. Thank you for being such a real friend to so many young girls out there- it is so needed in this day and age.

  218. Reblogged this on Bodied by Brianna Blog and commented:
    Dirty dancing gone wrong! I liked this commentary on Miley’s tasteless VAM performance. When I watched it I was thinking wow I feel old but now I understand why it bothered me so much. Read on and tell me what you think….
    ox, Brianna