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February 16, 2019

Happy Birthday, Roadkill Goldfish!

A lot can happen in one year.

Roadkill Goldfish was officially born on April 27, 2013 because writing was a whole lot cheaper than therapy. It started with a few dozen readers and ballooned to more than 4.1 million before its first birthday.

Since then, the blog has shared more than 90 posts and has been featured on media outlets such as CNN, Good Morning America, Fox and Friends, The Blaze, BBC Radio and many others.

Wow. I owe it all to you, my reader. Thank you for following the blog, and I look forward to spending another year with you.

Muchas gracias,

P.S. – Please check out some of the year’s most popular posts:


  • Dear daughter, let Miley Cyrus be a lesson to you.
    This is the post that put Roadkill Goldfish on the world’s radar.
    Dear daughter, let Miley Cyrus be a lesson to you. Yes, this is what happens when you constantly hear everything you do is awesome. This is what happens when people fawn over your every Tweet and Instagram photo. This is what happens when no responsible adult has ever said the word “no,” made you change […]
  • What happens when child bullies grow up? They become adult bullies.
    Bullying doesn’t magically end when the perpetrator turns 18. Child bullies often become adult bullies, and although their tactics may change with age and money, their cruelty and callousness remain the same. It’s not hard to find adult bullies; they tend to make their presence and self-importance known.  Many people have had experiences with a […]
  • My life as a White Hispanic: Prejudice comes from all sides
    My name is Kimberly Helminski Keller, and I am a Latina. My Polish surname hides the reality that the other half of my DNA is Puerto Rican, a genetic mix of Spanish, African and Taino Indian. As a child, I described my multi-racial heritage as  “Puertolack,” a hybrid of Puerto Rican and Polack. We lived in Buffalo, New York in […]


  • 9 reasons why Texas parents should be raising Cain over standardized testing
    Your child will spend 24 hours taking year-end standardized tests; that’s roughly the same amount of time she’ll spend in art class all year long. A Texas elementary school student endures roughly 24 hours of solid […]
  • Dear teachers, I owe you an apology
    Dear Teachers, I owe you an apology.  From the deepest level of my heart, I am so sorry for misjudging you. This is what happens when a person bases her opinion about a school solely on test scores. This is what happens when a person judges an entire profession based on news stories about a […]

Faith and Inspiration

  • Sometimes the juice ain’t worth the squeeze
    Quitting can be right and necessary when your best efforts are constantly met with criticism or failure.   It felt like the bites of 100,000 mosquitoes, and I had no bug spray. That’s how I describe an awful job that left me emotionally, physically and spiritually drained. Just as 100,000 mosquitoes would do, it sucked away nearly every […]
  • Proof that Christians are stupid and hateful morons (SATIRE)
    We are so sick of hearing those ignorant and self-righteous Christians complain about the problems in our society.  Boo stinkin’ hoo. They’re too stupid to know they’re the ones causing all the problems. They’ll fight to keep a fetus alive, but then they refuse to support single mothers or provide birth control.  Hypocrites. They try […]



Quirky Life

  • I’m tired of my youngest’s crappy attitude
    This is my youngest, the one responsible for the recent Come to Jesus Meeting. I had hoped our little talk would have changed her behavior, but she just took crappy attitude to an entirely new level. World, meet Charlotte. She is 11-months-old, and she is either an evil genius or lucky idiot. She learned how […]
  • Why I’m not allowed to give blood
    I am not allowed to give blood. There is no medical reason prohibiting it. In fact, I have a rare blood type, so most folks in the medical community recommend that I donate. However, I’ve been told to never give blood again. “Honey, I don’t care how low blood supplies are,” a kind, but frustrated, nurse […]




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