And, lo, Not-Jesus found graphic images of the Samaritan woman’s terminated pregnancy and brought them to copy shop so they could be printed out on 5-foot posters.
He and Not-Peter then propped them up along the public access sidewalk near the village’s school, and as parents and children entered the parking lot, the men screamed false statistics about how one in three of the girls would follow the woman in wickedness and murder the babe in their womb. They screamed at parents, teachers and other passersby because they were at fault for not doing more to stop the sinful women and girls.
Since Not-Jesus and Not-Peter had GoPro cameras strapped to their chests, they were able to film the sinners’ reactions to their truth and share those life-changing moments on YouTube. Unbeknownst to them, God had His true servants in and around that school, and the men spewed hateful condemnation and venomous judgment on those whom God loved and had sent to minister to those encountering their misguided messages.
An hour later, after hundreds of preschool children strapped in car seats witnessed a half-dozen bloody, decapitated and dismembered babies, the men packed up their signs and rhetoric and relaunched their show up in front one of the village’s churches – because they too were at fault for not doing enough to stop the source of their images.
Welcome to a typical day in Texas.
To prevent the deluded from claiming publicity for their cause, Not-Jesus and Not-Peter were selected to be the pseudonyms of two misguided and horribly ineffective men who honestly believe they represent the Son of God and the Rock of His Church as they stage their own anti-abortion protests at Texas high schools and churches.
The men and their signs typically perform during the schools’ busy morning drop-off time, and they’ve been known to spend a week or longer at local schools. They have no qualms about who sees the graphic images and will tell anyone who asks that it’s important for young children to see decapitated and maimed babies so that they’ll ask their parents about the evils of abortion.
On Sundays, they stage their performances and set in front of churches and will goad Godly men and women for their lack of action. against abortion. They’ve even shown up to scream at Christians who’ve shown up at Life Chains and other prayerful anti-abortion events.
Somehow, I get the feeling that the Jesus I know wouldn’t approve of their tactics and may even be saying, “Stop. Just stop. You’re ruining my reputation.”
I encountered the men yesterday at a local high school when my husband and I showed up carrying positive signs to counteract the hateful rhetoric and graphic images that were seen as motorists passed through rush hour traffic. We held signs that read, “Be Awesome” and “U R Loved,” and did our best to block the views of fetal body parts. Why? A daycare center was located right across the street from the high school.
For high school students who were already questioning their faith or for those who believed Christians were hateful, uneducated hypocrites, the men’s visit succeeded mightily in alienating a generation from God. There was judgment, hate and absolute gibberish. My husband’s masculinity and faith were challenged by one of the men as he goaded him about “not exerting spiritual leadership” and “following the example of a foolish wife.” After I hugged and calmed a pro-choice woman, the other man condemned me to hell and threatened to find me at church.
Here’s the ironic thing: My husband and I are Christian and pro-life.
Those who have read my blog and know me personally know about my former days as a feminist, and they know my heart. While I was mightily tempted to provide forcible testicular liberation for the men, I did my best to bite my tongue and keep my feet firmly in place. (Even St. Nicholas attacked a dude. So did Samuel. ) My husband, a former rugby player and football lineman, was remarkably more restrained. By disagreeing with their tactics, my husband and I, as well as thousands of other Christians and pro-life advocates across Texas, are evil, hypocritical, and dare I say it, weak.
When asked what Christians should be doing to be more active in the abortion fight, one of the men rambled off an incoherent monologue about the ineffectiveness of politics while throwing in a few statements about dangerous LGBTs, hell-fire and foster care. Nothing about prayer, ministering to women who’ve had abortions, or Christians seeking to adopt was mentioned.
Nonetheless, the men strongly believe they’re doing the right thing, and apparently, they’ve got the time and resources to participate in endless judgmental performances.
Kinda like how the real Jesus and Peter did it, right?
Will counter-protesting stop them? Not unless Texas Christians can organize a sustained Patriot Guard type of response. The Patriot Guard are the folks who show up en masse whenever Westboro Baptist Church shows up at veterans’ funerals with their vitriolic shouting and “God hates fags” and “God hates America” signs. The Guard, who are some fiercely tough looking but unbelievably loving men and women, literally forms a large and peaceful human shield that blocks the hateful from their desired audience. To the best of my knowledge, no member of the Patriot Guard has ever throat-punched a Westboro punk – but they might be tempted to do so with these guys.
I think the real Peter would have been tempted, too.
Peace be with you, Texas brothers and sisters. You’re going to need it when you encounter these guys.